Concert Checklist

*Choirs prepared? Check

*Bought new black pantyhose? Sort-of check. They only had "off-black" in my size. What the heck is off-black anyway? I've heard of off-white ... but off-black?

*Examined dress to make sure it is free of wrinkles and smudges? Nope.

*Darkened makeup for the stage? Not yet.

*Attempted to put hair up in French twist? Not yet.

*Applied scentless lotion? Not yet.

*Eaten dinner? Check.

*Brushed teeth? Not yet.

*Compiled a precious bag of necessities (mints, bottled water, Vitamin C drops, bobby pins, extra lipstick/chapstick)? Not yet.

*Decorated myself with conservative but pretty jewelry? Nope.

Time remaining until concert: 90 minutes

Time until I must leave for the concert: 18 minutes!!! Aaaaack!!!!!!!!

---

Updated 6 hours later: It went well!!! :-)

Concert Week

Drinking water with Airborne, trying to get more sleep, trying to wake up earlier to be more productive, wondering what I'm doing wrong when I feel like I have tons of free time, realizing I have a HUGE paper due next week, anticipating zero downtime, attempting to stay healthy, cramming in practicing, and praying. A lot.

Three concerts this weekend.

HUGE paper next week.

Then ... finals ...

OH NO! I just remembered an assignment due tomorrow ... and all of my work is in my office. I don't have time to get there before the building is locked this evening! No!!!!! I guess I'll have to try to get there as early as possible- before I have to report for work at 8am! *sigh*

Sighing after a breath of fresh air

Yesterday's drive back to school passed very quickly. I listened to Christmas tunes on the radio, caught up with BestFriend and a few other friends, and enjoyed being serenaded by Josh Groban's new holiday CD. I had to stop for fuel early on, and I visited the grocery store in town to pick up bread and milk before I headed back to the apartment. When I pulled out of my driveay at home, my car clock read 4:44. When I pulled into the parking lot of my apartment complex, my clock read 9:44. Hmmm. Exactly 5 hours.

I unpacked and composed 2 To-Do lists. One is a generic one of things that need to be done before I leave for Christmas break (vacuum my room, organize receipts, etc.) and another is my list for today! The break rejuvenated me ... and I hope that I maintain this peaceful, motivated attitude until it's time to return home again!

Magic and fairytales

I grew up during Disney's Golden Era when animated masterpieces were released every summer. The Little Mermaid (1989) is the first movie I ever remember seeing (and it has been my favorite movie ever since then). We'd flown to Arizona to visit my aunt and her husband, and I remember settling down on the floor of their living room with a big tub of popcorn to watch Ariel and her friends swirl around on the screen.

My sister and I (and later our brother) looked forward to each new movie. Aladdin. Beauty and the Beast. The Lion King. We weren't as impressed with Pocahontas, but MuLan was awesome! We caught up with the classics (Robin Hood, Cinderella, Snow White, etc.) on Beta/videotapes and on the Disney channel.

A childhood dream of mine was to grow up and be the voice of a Disney princess. I wouldn't be surprised if the Disney movies influenced my love of singing and music. And ... it's quite likely that they've affected my views of relationships.

When I was a teenager, I desperately wanted my first kiss to happen while I was watching The Little Mermaid with a guy. He'd hear the song "Kiss the Girl" and decide that was the right moment. To me, this would have been incredibly romantic. Now I think back on that and chuckle ... because my first kiss definitely did not have the magic that Disney kisses seem to have. (When I returned to my dorm room after that first kiss, I woke up my roommate and burst into tears because it wasn't the fairytale kiss I'd always imagined!)

So ... naturally, when I saw previews for Enchanted at a movie I saw this summer (Becoming Jane, which I loved), I was quite giddy. A Disney princess- in real life? (Well, in live-action) Great! A non-animated portrayal of a dream I'd nurtured since childhood! I made my sister promise that we'd see it together over this break. When I called while driving home on Wednesday, we made plans to see it that afternoon.

I LOVED IT! There were several spoofs on the classic movies (i.e. playing the theme music from The Little Mermaid while the main character stood near an aquarium, characters randomly breaking into song, helpful animals, etc.), and parts of it were incredibly cheesy. My sister pretended to roll her eyes, but her smile revealed that she enjoyed it as much as I did. It's a must-see movie for anyone else who has (secretly or not) harbored the dream that her life will turn out like a Disney fairytale. :-)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Regarding the last post- I went. I figured, "Why not?"

I've never felt the urge to re-experience high school, but honestly, I don't really remember it that well. I'd have to re-read my journals from that era to really remember all that I did. I love doing that ~ stepping into my mind at age 16 and recalling whatever it was that was so important to me at that age! Sometimes I'm amazed at the insight I had, and other times I can't help but smile at my teenage musings. I wouldn't be surprised if re-reading this blog in a few years causes me to reflect in the same way.

Anyway, I had fun last night. Many, many people showed up at the tiny, cramped bar. We didn't really talk about high school at all. It was fascinating to find out what people have been up to in the last 4+ years. Someone's working for NASA. Another is in real estate. One person had dropped out of college and is presently working as a plumber. Several others had opted to go to grad school directly after undergrad, as I had. One person already has a job offer abroad for when she completes her graduate work! (I'm slightly envious of that!)

I successfully avoided karoake even though many people remembered me for my singing and told me I had to sing. Whenever a person made this remark, I'd held up my drink for the individual, smiled playfully, and said, "Not tonight."

I know it comes with the territory of being a vocalist, but I really don't like when I'm asked to sing spontaneously. So I usually refuse. While I have many excuses on hand for situations like that (such as, "Sorry, I've gotta warm up my voice before I sing" or "I'm not hydrated enough" or "Pop music isn't in my repertoire"), my additional excuse was that last night, loud music forcing me to talk loudly + not enough sleep the previous night was causing me to lose my voice.)

Some of the guys have become more attractive since high school. Admiring glances and unexpected hugs (not creepy hugs, but normal hugs) led me to believe that they'd noticed how cute I looked too. It reminded me of when my first boyfriend (we began dating at the end of our first semester in college) asked me incredulously upon learning that I'd never been asked out before, "What was wrong with the guys at your high school?" :-) Maybe they're finally learning.

While I still have no desire to relive high school, I did enjoy re-meeting people I grew up with and getting to know them as the people they are now. I'm hoping that they'll also remember me as they met me last night: confident, bright, cute, successful, and no longer the shy mouse they thought I was back in high school!

Choices, choices

I was invited to an event on Facebook. Lots of kids from home (none of them close friends) have confirmed their attendance at said event. Which is tonight. At the local bar. (I didn't even know we had a bar in this town.)

The only bar I've really ever been to was in Hungary. I went with my friends from the seminar because I heard the cute Swedish guys were going to be there. (Speaking of Facebook, one of the cute Swedish guys sent me a message the other day!) I had a positive bar experience. :-)

Aack! Should I go and enjoy the chance to catch up with people I haven't seen for years? Should I stay home and watch my favorite new show this season? (Private Practice)

Going would require redoing my makeup (because I just cut up an onion for one of tomorrow's dishes) and my hair (because it's yucky at the moment -- can't wait for my haircut on Saturday!) ...

Not going would mean I get to take off my makeup and put on pajamas ... Hmmm ....

Counting down the last few hours till break

This morning's post? I think I was amused only because I had not gone to sleep yet. I survived the abbreviated day on one hour of sleep and enjoyed a two hour nap this afternoon. When my alarm went off at 5:30, I was thoroughly confused, I thought it was 5:30 tomorrow morning!

Now I'm in the process of changing out of my oh-so-comfortable pajamas and back into my professional GA clothing for my last class of the week! Well, by "in the process," I mean that I'm merely thinking about it as I try to figure out other ways that I might procrastinate before getting ready to go to the evening class.

Godwilling, I'll be on the road in 12 hours (before sunrise!) to beat traffic in the more congested areas. The drive should take about 5 hours, but I'm not sure what it will be like on scary-holiday-traffic day. I'm looking forward to having a break in the middle of my drive ... in the form of breakfast with a friend. :-)

Another note for those following the story of FC: We played phone tag until he reached me yesterday morning on his way to work. He was concerned for my feelings, and he seemed relieved that I don't harbor any ill feeling toward him. We were quite chatty on the phone. It looks as though we may even become friends. Who knows?

A little ironic?

I just pulled my first nearly-all-nighter-but-hopefully-will-manage-one-hour-of-sleep this evening/morning. The assignment is for a class I have with Mentor.

I admit- I did procrastinate. However, not many of my classmates can say that Mentor helped them to procrastinate. On Sunday, I attended an out-of-town event with Mentor which kept me from home for 10 hours. And this evening? Blue and I had another out-of-town event ... and Mentor suggested we stop for food on the way back to our town. When she later remarked that the delicious treats we'd just enjoyed might prevent her from falling asleep, we didn't mention that we were certainly hoping it would help to keep us awake- as we completed work for her. :-)

Eh, sleep is calling!

Almost Winter

Yesterday morning, I was running late for church. I finally gathered all the things I needed to take with me and flung open the door! As I took a step outside, I held my breath and looked around me. There was a gentle blanket of white over everything. So. Pretty.

Immediately, my stress over leaving late melted away. I put my belongings in my car, brushed off the snow, and easily started on my way. As I drove, I couldn't help but spontaneously sing.

"Sleighbells ring, are you listenin' ..."

I didn't even know what lyrics I was singing at first; I recognized them as being from a Christmastime song. As I reached the refrain, I finally realized what I was singing ..."Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland." I continued serenading myself as I drove past the glistening trees and the frosted landscape. Gorgeous.

Continuation of last Sunday's story ...

... which you may read here:

BoyFormerlyKnownAsNewCrush (FC) and I had class together this week. I'd gotten over my annoyance with how he'd handled things on Sunday, and I was now thinking of him in a completely nonromantic but still friendly light again.

I walked in just as class began, and my friend was sitting in my normal seat next to FC. I took a seat on the other side of my friend without saying anything. When we had our break in the middle of the LONG class, I talked with Friend. FC was paying attention to the conversation and I glanced at him maybe once or twice. I smiled in a friendly manner but didn't linger in the glance. I was not going to give him any indication that I was still interested because I was no longer interested.

After class, he engaged the professor in a discussion and my friends and I made plans to hang out that evening. We left, and I didn't get the chance to say goodbye to FC.

I was quite pleased with myself. I'd acted normally and professionally (and even friendly!) despite the humiliation I'd suffered a few days earlier.

Yesterday, I thought I'd left my cell phone in my apartment but discovered it in my coat pocket when I was preparing to leave school. I discovered I had a voice mail and saw that I'd missed a call from FC. Hmmm. I was very curious, so I listened to the message as I got in my car.

"Uh, hi, this is FC. Um, I kinda felt like you didn't want to talk to me the other night in class. You know, I enjoy talking with you and I didn't mean that we couldn't talk or hang out or anything. So, uh, maybe we should talk about it. You can call me back whenever."

Hmmm.

I didn't call him back last night. I can't help but wonder why he felt the need to call me. I had not been cold to him at class, but I certainly had not been about to flirt with him as I had before. Before Sunday, I had been less guarded because I detected interest on his side. I understood that some guys don't act on their interest unless they're certain that the interest is mutual. After Sunday's revelation, I instinctively became more guarded. He [inadvertently or not] had toyed with my feelings, and I wasn't going to let him do that again.

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say to him. I came up with different things as I drove to my teacher's house for dinner, but none of them seemed right.

Sarcastic response:
"Uh, hi, FC. I hate to break it to you, but you told me you weren't interested last week. So, uh, I wanted to make it clear that I was no longer interested in you. Glad you got the hint."

Oblivious route:
"Hey FC. Nope, I wasn't intentionally acting any differently on Wednesday. I walked in as class began and had plans afterwards, and I thought I remembered that we did talk- during the break, right?"

Overly honest/perhaps still harboring bitterness approach:
"Hi FC. You know, the reason I allowed myself to show my interest in you before was because I detected interest on your part. When you told me after we'd been hanging out on Sunday (and again, I sensed that you were interested in me) that you were already seeing someone, well, how did you expect me to respond? You got me to confirm my interest in you before you decided to tell me you were unavailable. That was less than kind. I've cut you some slack because you're male and because maybe you really were trying to do the right thing by telling me; you just screwed up your delivery. So I was friendly but not flirty on Wednesday. Many girls might have completely ignored you, but I didn't. Sure, I didn't try to make eye contact during the lecture, but I was engaged in the material. During the break, we did talk, didn't we? And now you call me, and I can't help but question your motive. I wasn't cold nor was I ignoring you, but you sensed a change in my demeanor. Yeah- I wasn't flirting with you nor was I showing any interest in you beyond that of a friend. What did you expect?"

#1 is what I sometimes think I'd love to say, but it's just not me. I'm not mean. It's fun to come up with sassy responses, but I wouldn't say that to someone.

#2 is what I'll probably end up saying. The problem is that it doesn't address the larger issue. I did act differently, and I would feel dishonest by pretending otherwise.

#3 is what I'm currently thinking, but it just reveals too much and sounds accusatory. Not good.

Not calling is not an option because I respect that he called even if I question his intentions. Maybe I should let him offer up an explanation of why, if he suspected my interest, he didn't bother telling me until we were parting on Sunday?


UPDATED 12:15am Sunday
So ... I shared with BestFriend. I figured she too would question his motives, but instead she suggested that he really was concerned for my feelings after last Sunday. I decided she was right. He is a nice guy who just happened to goof up. So I called him this evening as I was driving back from dinner out with a friend.

"Hey FC, it's Estrella. I got your message from yesterday and wasn't able to call until now. I wasn't purposely avoiding you on Wednesday, but I was really busy. You know, I did come in right when class started and I had made plans for afterwards. I wasn't trying not to talk with you. If you still want to talk about it though, you can give me a call and hopefully we won't have to play phone tag! Or I'll see you at class next week. If I don't talk with you before then, hope you enjoy your Thanksgiving. Bye!"

He called back not too long after I left him the message, but I asked if I could call him back tomorrow because I was just pulling into the parking lot of the performance venue I was attending. He agreed that was fine. I don't know what else he wants to say, but I'm willing to listen and be more open than the first part of this entry might suggest.

Stream of consciousness on unworthiness

When I read the post at RYS about Impostor Syndrome, I was surprised I identified with so much of what was written. Granted, I'm not a professor or anything ... but I do feel as though I'll someday be discovered as a fake.

I might look impressive on paper, and people respond well to my sweet demeanor ... but I can't help but feel that they'll see that I'm lazy. I haven't accomplished nearly enough. I'm not making progress as quickly as I ought to be. I procrastinate. The quality of my work isn't what it absolutely could be. They'll see that I sometimes let my irritation get the best of me. Sometimes, I seem to enjoy wallowing in grumpiness. They were deceived by my resume, and now they're stuck with me. They just haven't realized yet that I'm not nearly so qualified as paper says I am.

For the most part, I'm able to ignore these feelings of inadequacy. Compliments and sincere remarks regarding my work and me as a person help to neutralize the poisonous thoughts. I must be doing something right if people praise me. I enjoy what I do, which is great, but I need to be careful that I'm not living in such a way that I'm constantly seeking the approval of those around me.

The opinion of only One matters. I still occasionally struggle with intense emotions regarding my unworthiness of His treasure. Then I sigh, take a deep breath and a step back, remind myself that no one can be worthy, and thank God that He accepts me and loves me despite my myriad flaws.

Time to party!

Just kidding. Well, almost. :-)

Today, Mentor will be out of town. PartnerInCrime and I get to run the show! Fortunately, there are only 2 classes today. One is a regular session (which we would have mostly taught anyway because we're covering the material that Mentor assigned us to teach), and the other class simply involves facilitating student presentations which will be recorded. Oh wait- actually, there are 3 classes; I get to take attendance for the third class, but I won't have to stay because the students are responsible for running it themselves.

And now?

Off to go do some research for one of my assignments (finding IPA for Latin text - easy, doing harmonic analysis of the piece - should be interesting) ... and prepare for office hour, rescheduled voice lesson, teaching, etc. I love Fridays!!!

Bathrooms have great acoustics for singing*

After I washed my hands in the ladies' room just now, I walked over in front of the full-length mirror on the wall. As I admired my outfit, I was struck by inspiration. What an excellent place to practice my conducting for the class exam today!

I stood in front of the mirror and audiated the piece while I conducted. I could clearly see my whole body, and I was focusing on limiting extraneous movement. Everything I desired in the music needed to come from my face and upper body. I had 1-2 memory issues (as I had not thought to bring my music into the bathroom with me and we're not required to have the piece memorized), but overall I felt as though I was making progress!

Then another girl walked into the restroom. That was the end of my practice session, even though she completely understood when I sheepishly admitted I'd been practicing. :-)

*When I sang in a ladies' quartet several years ago, we used to end our rehearsals in the restroom. We'd sing our repertoire in there because the live acoustics enhanced our tone quality. We heard our mistakes more clearly, and the sound inspired us to add and fine-tune nuances in our repertoire.

Little things

During the first month of classes, I checked out three books of sheet music from GradSchool Library. My voice teacher had asked me to learn some pieces by certain composers, and I was delighted to find their music in the library.

I faithfully renewed them twice and remembered that they were due back sometime in November. Then I forgot about them.

Last week, I received a letter in the mail informing me that I had overdue items. Oh no! I had THREE books! What kind of fee might I have to pay? I was running low on cash (which meant I might have had to break the large bill my aunt gave me in September- that was my emergency money).

Slightly ashamed (because I've never had overdue books!), I walked into the library the very next day. I dutifully waited at the front desk while the librarian served another student, even though the book drop-off was located on the other side of the building. I didn't want to take any chances of it not being checked in at the earliest possible moment!

"I'm sorry," I said as I put the books on my counter when my turn had arrived. "I checked these out awhile ago and just got an overdue notice. How much do I owe?"

The young woman greeted me and scanned the books. She started to put them away. I asked her again,

"How much do I owe you?"

She looked at the computer and then looked back at me.

"Nothing," she said.

"Really? Even though they were late?" I asked incredulously.

"Yeah, this was the first time right? I think we have some sort of grace period. If it were to happen again, you'd probably get a small fine, but since this was your first time, you don't owe anything today."

"Wow," I replied, surprised. "You just made my day. You're my new best friend for the day!* Thanks! Have a good day!" I chirped as I walked out of the library with more confidence than when I had entered.


*"You're my new best friend for the day!" is an expression my mom says whenever someone has done her a favor or gone out of their way to be helpful/pleasant. For example, if a coworker calls to tell her that her place of employment is overstaffed and she doesn't need to come to work, she'll use that phrase. When the man from whom we get our spring flowers and Christmas tree gives her a discount on the price because she's a loyal customer, she'll use the expression. If she ends up paying less than what she's expected at the store (as in- an item is on sale and she wasn't aware of the lowered price), she'll say this to the store employee. My sister and I used to be slightly embarassed, as kids can be, when our mom would gush over things like that. While I've used it with friends and acquaintances rarely, not once have I said this to a complete stranger before! I suppose I'm starting to become like my mom. :-)

Why I hardly slept last night

Students at this music school have a weekly mandatory-attendance schoolwide masterclass. Last night, the students ran their own (non-mandatory) Midnight Masterclass. Unlike the normal masterclass, students did not dress formally or perform their most challenging repertoire. Many didn't even perform on their primary instruments. Instead, attire for most performers consisted of jeans & a T-shirt and repertory represented many genres including jazz, pop, country music, and musical theatre. The atmosphere was light-hearted and convivial.

The program included the standard "Piano Man" (sans harmonica) and students in the audience swayed while holding up cell phones and lighters. One kid improvised a waltz on the piano which referenced a certain vocal warmup we use in choir. Someone else (a tenor) wrote a song poking fun at voice majors and our silly habits (wearing scarves to "protect our instruments," drinking herbal tea, being on "vocal rest," etc.). Others also performed original material, accompanying themselves on a guitar or playing with their own band.

I didn't see any faculty members or other GAs there, and I probably wouldn't have gone either if my chamber group hadn't been invited to perform. I'm glad I did end up going; laughing and connecting with others significantly reduced the stress that everyone in this building has been battling as we count down the days until the break!

A post in numbers

Zero - Number of remaining unopened TaB sodas in my possession at the moment (These are a special treat from home, and the soda serves as my "comfort food" when I'm missing home. Unfortunately, it's not sold in any grocery stores in this area)

One - Score I need to order and analyze by next week

Two - Pieces I will be presenting at our upcoming concert

Three - Weeks until said concert

Four - Activities already planned for my Thanksgiving Break (family dinner, shopping with mom/sister, concert, hair appointment)

Five - Days of Thanksgiving break

Six - Not yet completed components of my assignment due tomorrow (Pressure is on for these to be STELLAR since my last assignment for the same class was less than perfect)

Seven - Days until I get to drive home!

*sigh* Can't wait until the break!

Insight into academia

A few weeks ago, I was asked by a colleague of Mentor's if I'd be willing to take on some extra work. The "project" required me to use my technological skills to enhance some graphics for the colleague's book manuscript.

At first, he couldn't open my attachments of the graphics in their format; his email program simply displayed the graphics within the email instead of as separate attachments. I solved this by inserting the graphics into a Word document, and he has been quite pleased with the results. Although I've offered to find an alternative way for him to access the files so that he wouldn't have to go to the trouble of converting them back to the file type I'd created, he wrote back,

"I will cut-and-paste them tomorrow (the most important things to survive in academia we learned in Kindergarten!)"

Unexpected turn of events

This references the previous entry and a few entries before that (coffee out with NewCrush after class & so forth).

I took about 20-30 minutes to gather my study materials before I made my way to the library. (It was also during this time that I couldn't help but post the previous entry!)

After I had hung out with NC on Wednesday and sent him that quick email on Thursday, I had thought that he probably wasn't interested like I'd thought because he hadn't responded. Green thought NC was interested, based on how he'd acted around me in the past few weeks. Getting that call from him this evening renewed my hope- I was positively giddy!

When I arrived at the library, we chatted as we worked on our assignments. Conversation was not limited to our study topics, and we kept finding new things we had in common. He leaned in close when he glanced over my assignment, and he was definitely flirting with me. He teased me (and I teased back) and he laughed when I squirmed (the chill in the room caused me to shiver every once in a while). He explained he'd been camping with local scouts this weekend, and I figured that's why he hadn't responded to my email. We continued to laugh and poke fun at one another, while still getting a decent amount of work done.

When he'd gotten the research he'd wanted and I had gotten all the information I needed from the library, he said he was gonna head out. Was I leaving too? He'd walk me to my car. (Awww!)While it probably would have been better for me to stay there to write (because I'd probably concentrate better there than in my apartment), I decided to take him up on his offer to walk me to my car.

So we kept walking and talking, even when we got to my car. A few more minutes of conversation, and he said something about wanting to clear the air after last week.

"I'm gonna go out on a limb here," he said, smiling. Yay! Maybe he's gonna ask me out! I thought wildly.

"I might be making a fool out of myself," he continued, almost as though he were shyly looking for approval.

"Oh, I'm sure you won't," I murmured breathlessly, trying to bolster his confidence.

"Well, I kinda got the sense that you were, um, crushing on me last week ..." And his voice trailed off. It was now my turn to glance down shyly before looking back at him and nodding slightly, smiling.

"And," he went on, "I'm seeing someone at the moment."

WTF?! You just invited me to hang out with you, knowing that I was interested in you. You flirted with me for the last few hours. You gave me every indication that you were interested in me, you freakin' let me flirt back with you just so you could confirm your suspicions, and you prefaced this by saying you think YOU might feel like a fool?!

"Oh, OK." I said, almost apologetically. "I was trying to be subtle about it." I tried to say this brightly without letting disappointment creep into my voice.

Feeling flustered, he rambled on, "I mean, I'm really flattered... " I again mumbled something about having tried to be subtle, and he said something like, "Yeah, and I caught on" before mumbling again about being flattered.

To get us out of one of the MostAwkwardMomentsEver (although it might have competition with this experience), I swallowed my disappointment, flashed a smile, and said as cheerily as I could muster (without sounding insincere),

"Well, thanks anyway for studying ... and good luck on your assignment!"

Ugh!!!!! I do NOT understand boys. Maybe I should just swear off of them for the time being. Focus completely on my studies and pretend that boys do not exist. (Of course, I would have to make an exception for my partners in crime because otherwise, I'd have no friends here at all.) Grrr.

Trying to contain my excitement (!)

I was on the phone with my friend/mentor from home when my phone beeped at me to announce that NewCrush was calling!!! I was having an important conversation with my friend (if you pray, please pray for her; she is dealing with so much at the moment) and did not take his call. Thirty minutes later, I retrieved the voicemail he'd left me which stated that he was going to the library to work on our upcoming class assignment and he was wondering if I wanted to join him. *squeals*

I've never been asked on a "study date" before!

I've been struggling with motivation all this weekend and had not even started the assignment. This is a most excellent source of motivation!!!

I don't think I've ever been this excited to study before either! *giggle*

Updated layout!!!

Header was made in PrintShop and Paint. I'm not really an artist, so I was surprised that it actually resembles the idea I'd had in my head!

The picture on the right (of the pretty tree-lined path) was taken at Esterhazy Palace in Hungary this summer. The composer Haydn was employed at that estate for many years. Many of his more famous works were debuted at Esterhazy, including the Farewell Symphony. The prince of Esterhazy, also a musician, was quite pleased with Haydn's work. While many other patrons of that era commissioned certain types of works, Haydn was given a great deal of freedom in his music-writing. As a result, he is credited for his development of new musical forms including the symphony and string quartet.

Feeling out of touch

At the moment, I'm curled up on my bed, still in my pajamas, watching "Sleepless in Seattle" on TV. During the commercial breaks, there is an ongoing segment of toy recommendations for kids. One of the popular toys for the 6 to 9 year old group is an MP3 player outfitted as a barbie doll.

When I fit into that age bracket, I remember requesting books and a chemistry set. Hmmm.

Entry #200

So many things on my mind right now ... but I'll share the simplest of the thoughts from the whirling mass which is keeping me from sleep:

Thank goodness I've finally changed my hairstyle in the past few months. I thought my old hairstyle was flattering. In reality, as I've compared old and new pictures (the best examples I could find via an image search), I am appalled that I kept the old look for YEARS. No wonder people keep telling me I look young! I hadn't updated my fringe since I was in grade school!

P.S. Growing out the fringe is not the painful endeavor I expected it to be. Hmm, I hope my new(er) look isn't compromised when I visit my hairdresser over the holiday break!

Girl talk ... with boys

My two main partners in crime are both male, and I really don't have girlfriends here. I talk on the phone with BestFriend and my sister often, but it's not the same as getting together with female buddies to watch Grey's or to engage in silly girl talk.

Unfortunately for Blue and Green, this means that I have to talk to them about these silly girl things. They are up-to-date on my crushes and though they complain, they let me share my silly stories. In exchange, they tease me (sometimes relentlessly!) but it's always in good fun.

Yesterday, I asked Blue's opinion as to whether or not I should contact NewCrush.

"If you were NC," I asked, "what would you think if I sent a short & sweet email saying something like, 'Hey, I enjoyed chatting with you last night. Happy Thursday!'"

"Oh, that'd be fine. I bet he'd think it was nice."

"You don't think it'd make me look desperate or clingy or anything like that?" I inquired further.

"Nope. Go ahead and do it."

So I did. I think that if maybe I didn't signal my interest the previous evening, this would be a better indicator. I also figured that if he were truly interested, he'd respond. So I lamented to Blue and Green when he didn't. (He still hasn't.)

In exchange for my crushtalk, they proposed:

"Estrella, you should try to find an old guy. One with lots of money. Then you'll get to travel and have fun and you'll be free to find someone else in just a few years!" They went on this tangent for awhile.

"What, you want me to go visit a nursing home and pick up guys?" I responded sarcastically.

"They'll chase you, there's no doubt about it. They might be a bit slower though," Green added. Then he did an impression of an old man trying to hobble along after me in a walker, calling after me in a faltering voice, "Estrella! Come here, you sweet young thing!"

Girl talk with boys? Definitely different ... and amusing ... and surprisingly, almost as effective as talking with female friends. :-)

Results of the Skirt

Skirt-wearing yielded:
1) Snow. It didn't stick, but there were definitely tiny wisps of snowflakes floating from above. It was cold outside ... possibly too cold to wear a skirt.

2) Walking to the class (in which NewCrush [NC] is classmate), it occurred to me that I might appear to have dressed up for the occasion. It was too late to change. I hoped for the best.

3) During class: positive body language from him ... some shared smiles ... (And - there was a slight flush on his face when we smiled at each other too ...)

4) Class got out early! Super early! After our professor announced that she'd shared the material she'd planned for the evening, I talked across NC's desk to one of my partners in crime and suggested we all go out for dessert to celebrate getting out of class early. NC said he'd go, but PiC said he had other things to work on. I didn't get the chance to mention the outing to our other partners in crime ... so conveniently, it ended up being just NC and me.

5) NC and I went out and had a great conversation over coffee. (!) I really can't attribute this to wearing a skirt ... but ... I'm sure that my looking great didn't hurt either. :-)

When we parted, we both said we'd enjoyed having this chance to hang out. Then he said, "See ya next week!" *sigh* His body language and our conversation led me to believe he was interested (there was flirting on both sides) ... but if he were really interested, wouldn't he have hinted at getting together another time (and not just seeing each other in class)?

*sigh* I don't understand boys. Still ... I am quite pleased by the unexpected turn of events this evening.

Girly confession

One of my resolutions for this school year was to plan my outfits the night before so that I wouldn't have to waste 20 minutes trying to find something suitable when I'm less coherent in the morning. I have not been consistent with this (maybe 7 successful days out of several weeks of classes).

I've decided that tomorrow (really today, I suppose) I will wear a skirt. Even though it's cold outside. Even though it's been rumored that there will be rain (and possibly snow! I've never experienced snow before Thanksgiving!). Why? Because my current little crush is in my class which meets tomorrow. This is the only day of the week that I see him, and I want to look good. :-)

Small sigh

I just used up the last of my toothpaste that I bought in Hungary on my travels this summer. I arrived in Budapest 4 months ago today. Hard to believe all that has happened since then. :-)

Autumn leaves

I was hoping that I'd get into the habit of going to bed earlier after the time change so that I wouldn't really adjust. That way, I'd feel like I was sleeping in every day. (Tricking myself like this actually worked one year! It lasted for about a week, and I felt so rested!) Unfortunately, I think I've already adjusted, and I haven't done the going to bed earlier thing either. Maybe next year!

I took this picture last week when I went exploring with a friend. We hiked off the path and up to a bridge. Pretty, huh? :-)

I love my sister

Ever since we were in high school, my younger sister and I have revised each other's papers. Sometimes we'd ask our dad for assistance because he has excellent writing skills, but we tended to gravitate to each other for feedback. (We appreciated our dad's help, but ... quick questions often turned into long discussions and it would take us longer to finish our assignments.)

She and I talked on the phone today, and she shared some exciting news with me about her future career prospects. I'm so proud of her. As we've grown up, I think it has been difficult for her to see me excel in one concentrated area (music) while her many talents and successes (spread wider over many areas) made her career path less limited. Instead of feeling freer due to fewer limitations, she felt overwhelmed by the myriad opportunities ahead of her. Now, she is finally finding her niche ... and she's taking off!!! I'm so happy for her!

After she gushed about her new opportunities, she asked what I'd be doing tonight. When I told her I'd be hanging out with some friends for a few hours before going to bed, she asked if I might also have time to look over an essay of hers. (Done!) I think I should start my next writing assignment for my research class and ask her to return the favor. :-)

Warm & fuzzy

Last night, the music student organizations held a Halloween-themed party on campus. Green and I decided we ought to make an appearance.

My favorite part of the evening? Babysitting! One of the students had a baby this summer, and the sweet little girl has become the unofficial music school mascot. When the girl who had been holding the baby wanted to participate in the bobbing for apples contest, I offered to hold the little pirate. :-)

One of the guys in my choir saw me holding the baby.

"I bet this makes you want to have your own baby right now, huh?" He teased me.

"Nope!" I cheerily responded. "I love this- I get to play and dance with the baby, but then I can give her back to Mommy when the day is over!" And I cuddled and danced with the little girl for awhile longer before I finally returned her to her mother. :-)

Snippets from this past week

Halloween:
I didn't wear a costume, but I did wear an orange turtleneck. Most other students weren't wearing costumes, but one guy (whose persona radiates a future in higher ed) had a great idea for a costume: He wore some sort of hat/headband that had a piece of mistletoe attached to it. I asked him today how many kisses he received. His response: "Oh, a lot! Some from girls I didn't even know!" :-)

Yesterday:
After an exam in one of my performance-related classes, a classmate saw me in the hallway.
"Estrella, you kicked @ss today!" He said enthusiastically.
"Thanks," I said, taken aback and amused.
"Yeah, that was some major @ss-kickin'!" He repeated excitedly as he continued down the hallway. The randomness (and the kindness of it) made me smile. :-)

Also, yesterday was Blue's birthday. I found labels in my desk, and I made him a silly colorful sticker to wear which read, "Today is my birthday!" He groaned slightly when I asked him to wear it, but he dutifully wore it all day. I think he was secretly pleased with the attention it brought him.

The other members of our secret society (our bonding group of GAs) had a surprise get-together last night for Blue with cake and wine for all. Fun times! Oh, and an additional note: no more crushing on CuteBrassPlayer (too young for me, I think) ... and I'm now interested in one of the other members of our secret society. I enjoyed hanging out/talking with him outside the class setting!

And now? I think I need a nap. Busy weekend- 3 recitals to attend!