As I sit here enjoying some relaxation time after finishing up a dress rehearsal for upcoming musical performances (with music from this evening still ringing in my mind) ... I can't help but feel incredibly grateful.
I've gotten to participate in the creation of so many glorious musical experiences this year. My musical soul has been nourished time and again through the music I've heard or performed.
In more ways than I previously realized, this year is exactly what I needed. My primary goal for choosing this path was to improve my skills so that I would be a more effective teacher. While I certainly have improved (it's easy to improve when you're pretty rough at first!) ... I've gained so much more from this experience.
I think a large part of what I've picked up this year is simply confidence. I still seek approval too often, but I recognize that I do have ideas and talent to contribute. I have more instinct than I would have realized ... I say instinct rather than knowledge because it's not so much a conscious realization of what I'm doing as it is that things just seem to happen in the way in which I intend. Or ... what I do yields the results I expect and desire.
In addition to confidence ... something which I believe to be far more important ... is that through these myriad musical experiences, I re-gained that which had been slowly broken down during my undergraduate years: a love for what I do. I don't blame anyone (or anything) for what happened during my time at UndergradSchool, but I continue to recognize each day that this year has really restored my love for this art/medium/profession.
I hadn't intended to go to GradSchool, not this one or any other, so soon. Even when I applied and auditioned here, I didn't actually expect I'd be here a year later. I used to tell people it was a fluke decision for me ... but I know truly that it wasn't a fluke or a series of coincidences. God really knew what He was doing when He nudged me in this direction. I've got to work on my relationship with Him because I haven't been as open lately for Him to work in my life and point me in the direction I need to take next. At present, though, I can simply reflect and thank Him for blessing me with so many moving musical experiences and lessons (from this "fluke year") which will stay with me forever.
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