The leaves are starting to change. From where I'm sitting right now, I can look out the window and see the gorgeous shades of green, orange, burgundy, gold, bronze, yellow, red, and copper on the mountainside. Lovely contrast with the light blue skies, which are peppered with some wispy clouds today.
Even though the trees are becoming more colorful every day, the weather is still pleasantly warm. I've been wearing skirts and dresses every day this week, savoring what I believe will be my last opportunity to wear these pretty, feminine outfits during my time here at GradSchool. (This past winter apparently extended into May. It was snowing here when I auditioned in April.)
As nature transforms around me, I too feel as though I'm changing. I'm growing more comfortable with the other students (finally learning names now that I am recognizing faces) and I'm increasingly comfortable working with the ensemble. My singing is changing too. I feel freer ... I'm learning to let go ... I think this is in large part due to my teacher whose free spiritedness is influencing me.
If you'd asked me before today what my favorite season was, I probably would have said Spring. I like the change in weather ... because it's so wonderful to embrace the warmth and sunshine, as compared with adding more layers of clothing to deal with the cold. I also love the rebirth of the world around me.
Today, I'd probably say that Autumn is my favorite season ... not just because I think its name is the most beautiful, but because today I can almost feel magic in the air.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Monday, September 24, 2007
Belated Wishes
Oh my gosh! Yesterday was the One Year Birthday of this blog! And I completely forgot!
It's kinda like when I went home this weekend and forgot to even greet my pet! (He lives in a tank, and he prefers my mom over me anyway, I think ... but still ... I should have greeted my 11 year old frog.)
So ... Happy Birthday Wrapped in Song! :-)
It's kinda like when I went home this weekend and forgot to even greet my pet! (He lives in a tank, and he prefers my mom over me anyway, I think ... but still ... I should have greeted my 11 year old frog.)
So ... Happy Birthday Wrapped in Song! :-)
Oops ... temporarily forgot I'm a student
I'm taking some courses which are dual-listed for undergraduates and graduate students this semester. One of the classes is a bit more informal, a reflection of the professor (whom I adore!) who happens to be more of a free spirit.
Last week, one student was called to write something on the board, and I was asked to write the translation next to his work on the board. He'd used a blue marker, but the professor handed me a black marker, and I chose to use the one given to me.
As I wrote the translation, the professor was engaged in conversation with students on the side of the room furthest from where I stood at the board. When I'd finished, I began to walk back to my seat.
"Yo, you shoulda used that other marker!" One of the freshman called out to me, accusatorily. "That black one you can't see."
Without even thinking, I flipped into Teacher Mode.
"Excuse me?" I replied politely, channeling the Miss ************* TeacherVoice from my student teaching experience last year. "That was rude. It would be nicer to say 'please.'"
I traced my answer (which was quite legible) with the blue marker, capped the marker, and walked back to my seat in a graceful, elegant (and admittedly, a slightly haughty) manner. The freshman called out, "Thank you," and I merely acknowledged this with a slight nod- no eye contact. The professor was not aware of this exchange.
~*~*~*~
When I realized this later, I felt a tinge of shame. Was it my place to say something? I wouldn't talk to my peers like that ... but then again, my peers wouldn't speak to me like that. Is it inappropriate for me to not think of some of the underclassmen as my peers even if they are in the same class? Does that make me a snob? (I have a good rapport with the students here, especially those who know me through the ensembles. I don't think they see me as a snob. As they're getting to know me, I think most of them realize I am a very sweet, approachable person.) Did I respond in kind to the kid who called out to me? I mean, he publicly criticized my work but I publicly criticized his comment. Either way, I was surprised that I popped into Teacher Mode so suddenly. Even though these kids are the same age as my students from last year, it probably wasn't my place to respond as I did. Oops. So I'll try to guard TeacherMode a bit more from now on!
Last week, one student was called to write something on the board, and I was asked to write the translation next to his work on the board. He'd used a blue marker, but the professor handed me a black marker, and I chose to use the one given to me.
As I wrote the translation, the professor was engaged in conversation with students on the side of the room furthest from where I stood at the board. When I'd finished, I began to walk back to my seat.
"Yo, you shoulda used that other marker!" One of the freshman called out to me, accusatorily. "That black one you can't see."
Without even thinking, I flipped into Teacher Mode.
"Excuse me?" I replied politely, channeling the Miss ************* TeacherVoice from my student teaching experience last year. "That was rude. It would be nicer to say 'please.'"
I traced my answer (which was quite legible) with the blue marker, capped the marker, and walked back to my seat in a graceful, elegant (and admittedly, a slightly haughty) manner. The freshman called out, "Thank you," and I merely acknowledged this with a slight nod- no eye contact. The professor was not aware of this exchange.
~*~*~*~
When I realized this later, I felt a tinge of shame. Was it my place to say something? I wouldn't talk to my peers like that ... but then again, my peers wouldn't speak to me like that. Is it inappropriate for me to not think of some of the underclassmen as my peers even if they are in the same class? Does that make me a snob? (I have a good rapport with the students here, especially those who know me through the ensembles. I don't think they see me as a snob. As they're getting to know me, I think most of them realize I am a very sweet, approachable person.) Did I respond in kind to the kid who called out to me? I mean, he publicly criticized my work but I publicly criticized his comment. Either way, I was surprised that I popped into Teacher Mode so suddenly. Even though these kids are the same age as my students from last year, it probably wasn't my place to respond as I did. Oops. So I'll try to guard TeacherMode a bit more from now on!
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Home Comforts
Yesterday, I finally got around to getting ready for the day after 3 in the afternoon- lazy me! As I was in the shower, unexpected waves of homesickness washed over me. I suddenly felt the strong desire to go home. As I finished rinsing the conditioner out of my hair, I promised myself that if it wasn't already 4pm by the time I got out of the shower, I'd seriously consider driving home. I had no idea why this intense urge to go home had hit me, but I knew that I'd be willing to drive the distance if it wasn't too late.
Once I'd reached my room, I called up my parents. I was trying to remain calm, but I started to cry when I heard my dad's voice.
"I have this strange urge to come home," I told him, sniffling.
"Well come home then, silly girl," my mom told me after getting on the extension.
So I did. I got ready in record time, throwing on jeans and an old shirt. I drove the nearly 5 hours, knowing that I'd be driving the reverse route in less than 24 hours. (It's supposed to take longer than that ... but thankfully there weren't many cops out yesterday.) All is fine and normal here ... I think my hormones are to blame for the surprising onset of homesickness ... but I'm glad to be home, even if I do have to leave in a few hours.
Once I'd reached my room, I called up my parents. I was trying to remain calm, but I started to cry when I heard my dad's voice.
"I have this strange urge to come home," I told him, sniffling.
"Well come home then, silly girl," my mom told me after getting on the extension.
So I did. I got ready in record time, throwing on jeans and an old shirt. I drove the nearly 5 hours, knowing that I'd be driving the reverse route in less than 24 hours. (It's supposed to take longer than that ... but thankfully there weren't many cops out yesterday.) All is fine and normal here ... I think my hormones are to blame for the surprising onset of homesickness ... but I'm glad to be home, even if I do have to leave in a few hours.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
A phone call makes thousands of miles seem like none at all
It was just after 1:30pm this afternoon when I finally dragged my lazy self out of bed to make myself some breakfast/lunch. As I was waiting for my toast and writing "bread" on my shopping list, I heard my crazy ring tone. I dutifully ran back to my room to answer it. I thought it might be a friend from UGSchool who's visiting me later today. I was delighted to see that it was BestFriend!
"I've decided," she began, "that TWO weeks without talking with you is TOO LONG. This cannot happen again!" From there we had a wonderful conversation, updating each other on what's been going on in our lives for the past two weeks. We brought up some memories, relishing our remembrances of our trip to Italy this Spring.
"Don't you remember my roommate saying as she drove us to the airport, 'Wow, you guys. So many people talk about going to Europe and never actually go through with it. Here you are with your backpacks and you're really going!'" BestFriend reminded me.
"That's what I love about you," I gushed back. "You're such a go-getter!"
"Yeah, here in my pajamas, sitting on my bed in the early afternoon. I'm a real go-getter." She joked.
"What?" I asked, confused at first because I thought she was talking about me. I'd finished my breakfast, and at the moment I was in my robe, sitting on my bed.
We laughed together and promised not to wait so long before catching up again. Good friends are wonderful, and best friends are absolutely precious. :-)
"I've decided," she began, "that TWO weeks without talking with you is TOO LONG. This cannot happen again!" From there we had a wonderful conversation, updating each other on what's been going on in our lives for the past two weeks. We brought up some memories, relishing our remembrances of our trip to Italy this Spring.
"Don't you remember my roommate saying as she drove us to the airport, 'Wow, you guys. So many people talk about going to Europe and never actually go through with it. Here you are with your backpacks and you're really going!'" BestFriend reminded me.
"That's what I love about you," I gushed back. "You're such a go-getter!"
"Yeah, here in my pajamas, sitting on my bed in the early afternoon. I'm a real go-getter." She joked.
"What?" I asked, confused at first because I thought she was talking about me. I'd finished my breakfast, and at the moment I was in my robe, sitting on my bed.
We laughed together and promised not to wait so long before catching up again. Good friends are wonderful, and best friends are absolutely precious. :-)
Friday, September 21, 2007
Happy sigh
Where I'm living is so beautiful. I wish I could put into words just how serene I feel when I gaze out at my surroundings. I thought I'd miss CoolCity more - the hustle and bustle of going to a school in the middle of a city ... but I find that I'm calmer here. It's probably not just the nature (and the chance to actually see the stars every evening) ... I'm sure it's also due to the different people and environment at GradSchool.
The honesty and the truth I see in people here is incredibly meaningful. Perhaps it's due in part to my being a graduate student and not an undergrad anymore ... but I think it's really more because the people here are able to be more unguarded without fear of political retaliation or other B.S. like that. One of the women I work with is overwhelmed with work and family obligations. We talked for awhile yesterday morning ... and she was so much calmer afterwards. She apologized a little when she realized how much she'd been talking, and I'd noted to her that she seemed much calmer.
"Not a problem," I said, sincerely smiling. "I think venting every once in awhile is essential to maintaining one's sanity!"
One of my professors has told me twice that I have a calming effect. Apparently when she sees me, she subconsciously tells herself to be a little more gentle and a little less "out there." :-) She and I also talked a great deal today, and she ended up sharing part of her life story with me. She then invited me over to her house for dinner and to the show she was going to see that night. What a wonderful night. It's so refreshing and so ... emotionally fulfilling to be able to connect with genuine people.
The honesty and the truth I see in people here is incredibly meaningful. Perhaps it's due in part to my being a graduate student and not an undergrad anymore ... but I think it's really more because the people here are able to be more unguarded without fear of political retaliation or other B.S. like that. One of the women I work with is overwhelmed with work and family obligations. We talked for awhile yesterday morning ... and she was so much calmer afterwards. She apologized a little when she realized how much she'd been talking, and I'd noted to her that she seemed much calmer.
"Not a problem," I said, sincerely smiling. "I think venting every once in awhile is essential to maintaining one's sanity!"
One of my professors has told me twice that I have a calming effect. Apparently when she sees me, she subconsciously tells herself to be a little more gentle and a little less "out there." :-) She and I also talked a great deal today, and she ended up sharing part of her life story with me. She then invited me over to her house for dinner and to the show she was going to see that night. What a wonderful night. It's so refreshing and so ... emotionally fulfilling to be able to connect with genuine people.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
"Busier, you mean hectic?" ...
... was my friend's subject line in the email he sent me in response to his inquiries about what I'm doing.
I don't even notice that I'm so busy ... except that I wish I had more time to practice- singing and conducting. Anyway, thought I'd share some fun highlights from this week since I simply forgot to blog:
*My cookies at the choir retreat- big hit!
*In my voice lesson on Tuesday, my teacher vocalized me down to a Db below Middle C all the way up to an F above High C! The Queen of the Night F! I've never sung that high before in my life. Granted, it was more of a siren, but she said something about my voice not even popping into that reallyreallyhigh register until the E, when apparently it's normally supposed to pop lower. That's supposedly an indication that there are many more notes hiding up there, waiting to be released. Now she thinks I'm a really high soprano. Interesting. I'm always so vocal regarding my alto pride, because I've thought for years that I'm a mezzo. If I actually end up being a soprano- that'd mess everything up! Soprano jokes wouldn't be so fun anymore ... but then maybe I could finally date a tenor (my teenage dream)! :-)
*Rehearsal with the large ensemble on Tuesday evening went SO well! Granted, there are certainly things that can be improved ... but ... I was so pleased with their progress! AND- I was complimented on my rehearsal structure/pedagogy by two former music teachers in the ensemble who both have background in the specific area of my career field that I studied this summer. Sweet! :-)
*I auditioned for and was invited to sing with a professional choir nearby. Sweet! Stipend probably won't cover gas money, but ... great and fun experience!
*I got the crazy idea to start a female chamber group here ... figuring I'd be lucky if I could find 2-3 girls per voice part. 21 girls are interested. Not so chamber anymore ... but ... how exciting! The problem now is trying to find a suitable time that fits into most peoples' schedules. Already, I feel bad because some of the girls who are most interested have schedules which are not really compatible with the times I can offer. :-(
*I'm gonna apply for a position as director of a local church choir. Again- salary probably won't fully cover gas- but it'd be a good experience, and it's definitely something I want to do. I mean, I've served so many other roles in music ministry- choral singer, choir/soloist accompanist, soloist- it's about time I added "choir director" to that list!
*When I visit CoolCity next month, I'm gonna visit my church and sing a few pieces there! Aack! Better start learning them. Oh, and I think CGFC is still there. Despite my insistence that I'm no longer interested, I can't help but continue to think of the qualities that attracted me to him in the first place ... and I suppose I still harbor some hope. Ugh. Why am I so dumb about this?! :-P
*Two (little) crushes here at school. One - I can't tell if he's "metro" or if he swings the other way. Anyway, he's funny, intelligent, and thoughtful, and I find his almost-nerd-but-somehow-cool quality attractive. Other crush seems sweet and shy. Whenever I'd pass him in the hallway, he'd smile shyly, blush slightly, and look away. Awww. And he's quite cute. Last night, a visiting music group held free tango lessons for students and community. Our prof let us out of class early because she wanted to go too ... and ... Boy#2 and I danced the last half together. Definite flirtation there. Problems with the crushes? Both are 2 years younger than I am. Not sure of ethics regarding GA-undergrad ... but ... crushes are fun ... and I'm not going to initiate anything. :-)
I don't even notice that I'm so busy ... except that I wish I had more time to practice- singing and conducting. Anyway, thought I'd share some fun highlights from this week since I simply forgot to blog:
*My cookies at the choir retreat- big hit!
*In my voice lesson on Tuesday, my teacher vocalized me down to a Db below Middle C all the way up to an F above High C! The Queen of the Night F! I've never sung that high before in my life. Granted, it was more of a siren, but she said something about my voice not even popping into that reallyreallyhigh register until the E, when apparently it's normally supposed to pop lower. That's supposedly an indication that there are many more notes hiding up there, waiting to be released. Now she thinks I'm a really high soprano. Interesting. I'm always so vocal regarding my alto pride, because I've thought for years that I'm a mezzo. If I actually end up being a soprano- that'd mess everything up! Soprano jokes wouldn't be so fun anymore ... but then maybe I could finally date a tenor (my teenage dream)! :-)
*Rehearsal with the large ensemble on Tuesday evening went SO well! Granted, there are certainly things that can be improved ... but ... I was so pleased with their progress! AND- I was complimented on my rehearsal structure/pedagogy by two former music teachers in the ensemble who both have background in the specific area of my career field that I studied this summer. Sweet! :-)
*I auditioned for and was invited to sing with a professional choir nearby. Sweet! Stipend probably won't cover gas money, but ... great and fun experience!
*I got the crazy idea to start a female chamber group here ... figuring I'd be lucky if I could find 2-3 girls per voice part. 21 girls are interested. Not so chamber anymore ... but ... how exciting! The problem now is trying to find a suitable time that fits into most peoples' schedules. Already, I feel bad because some of the girls who are most interested have schedules which are not really compatible with the times I can offer. :-(
*I'm gonna apply for a position as director of a local church choir. Again- salary probably won't fully cover gas- but it'd be a good experience, and it's definitely something I want to do. I mean, I've served so many other roles in music ministry- choral singer, choir/soloist accompanist, soloist- it's about time I added "choir director" to that list!
*When I visit CoolCity next month, I'm gonna visit my church and sing a few pieces there! Aack! Better start learning them. Oh, and I think CGFC is still there. Despite my insistence that I'm no longer interested, I can't help but continue to think of the qualities that attracted me to him in the first place ... and I suppose I still harbor some hope. Ugh. Why am I so dumb about this?! :-P
*Two (little) crushes here at school. One - I can't tell if he's "metro" or if he swings the other way. Anyway, he's funny, intelligent, and thoughtful, and I find his almost-nerd-but-somehow-cool quality attractive. Other crush seems sweet and shy. Whenever I'd pass him in the hallway, he'd smile shyly, blush slightly, and look away. Awww. And he's quite cute. Last night, a visiting music group held free tango lessons for students and community. Our prof let us out of class early because she wanted to go too ... and ... Boy#2 and I danced the last half together. Definite flirtation there. Problems with the crushes? Both are 2 years younger than I am. Not sure of ethics regarding GA-undergrad ... but ... crushes are fun ... and I'm not going to initiate anything. :-)
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Someone forgot to take the trash out
I am so frustrated and angry that I just have to vent so that I don't start to cry.
This is my first full weekend here in RuralTown at my off-campus apartment ... and I was really looking forward to it. No long drives ... a chance to relax and settle down. For the most part, it's been rather pleasant. While I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with family and friends for the past two weekends, I was enjoying the chance to rest. I practiced today, went to the grocery store, cooked a yummy meal, baked cookies, and hung out with Green.
While making cookies (for tomorrow's LONG rehearsal with the choir - decided it would be a sweet gesture), I started to get annoyed because the tenants above us were obviously holding a party- LOUD music, lots of clicking shoes and heavy footsteps stomping on the floor, occasional yelling. While it was bothering me, I decided to let it go because it was only 9pm.
At 10:30pm, two girls knocked on my door. I didn't know them, so I asked Green (an intimidating figure) to answer the door for me. He did. The two girls were from upstairs, and they apologized for the inconvenience of the loud music, and said that they'd turn it off within the hour. I didn't show my face to them (and I don't know that they realized that I was there), but I decided that OK, I could cut them a little slack. It wouldn't kill me if it was obnoxious for just another hour.
At 11:45, I was fading ... and I wanted to get ready for bed soon. Church tomorrow morning. Lots of singing. Need lots of sleep. No sound of the party ending. I really didn't want to go talk to those girls, so I tried calling the EMERGENCY number of my landlord ... and wouldn't you know it? It went STRAIGHT TO VOICEMAIL. Each of the three times I tried calling it. (Waiting some time in between calls.) So I asked Green and one of my roommates to come upstairs with me to ask the girls to please turn off the music.
Knocked on the door loudly. No answer. Knocked again.
"Ooh, someone's at the door!" A voice squealed inside. "It's two white girls and a guy." Few more moments without an answer.
Finally the door was opened a crack so that the girl could see us, and then she opened the door and a few of her friends were behind her.
"Hi," I said, smiling through gritted teeth. "I'm from downstairs, and I," My voice was suddenly drowned out by the loud music. Some incredibly considerate person in the room had decided to blast it at its full volume while I was speaking. So I raised my voice, trying to keep the frustration at a minimum.
"We'd like you to PLEASE TURN DOWN YOUR MUSIC."
And the ever-so-pleasant girl who answered the door took this as a challenge.
"WHY YOU YELLIN' AT ME? You did NOT come here to yell at me! That is so *insert expletive here* ... YOU *$%^& DON'T COME UP HERE TO YELL AT ME!"
It didn't matter that I was simply trying to be heard over the music, that it hadn't been my intention to raise my voice. And she certainly wouldn't give me a chance to say that. Her friends were gathering closer around her, and she was getting in my face and invading my personal space, as though she was about to make this disagreement physical.
Green stepped in between us, and I stayed silent as the drunk girl and her drunk friends traded expletives about the $%^%* girl who was trying to yell at them to be quiet.
"You don't have to $%^(* yell," they screamed in my face. "Just tell us nicely to turn the music down! And why'd you bring this girl and this guy? Just come up by yourself and tell us. Just ask us politely to turn it down!" They shrieked nastily.
Throughout this barrage, I didn't say a word, and I tried to keep my face expressionless.
"Then please turn the music down." I calmly told the last girl who lectured me. She smirked and then glared at me as she shut the door in our faces.
Green, my roommate and I all looked at one another in shock as we stood there. As we walked down the stairs to my apartment, I said, "You know, I thought that calling the cops was too extreme, that we could be mature about this. But now," I continued, keeping my voice light, "I don't have a problem with it. If this doesn't change ..." Roommate agreed wholeheartedly.
When we returned to the apartment, Roommate went in her room and Green got ready to go back to his apartment. I didn't have his number in my phone yet, so he gave that to me.
"Are you going to be OK?" He asked me.
"I don't know what to think," I replied. (Thoughts were swirling around in my mind: Why didn't the landlord answer her freaking phone? ... That girl might have beat me up if Green hadn't stepped in between us ... Should I call the cops? ... In my previous two years as an RA dealing with situations such as this, I never felt as threatened or unsafe as I did just now ... I definitely need to get back in the habit of reading my Bible before I go to sleep-tonight- so that I can be calm and let go of this massive anger I'm feeling.)
"I don't know what to think," I repeated, realizing I was close to tears. Green pulled me into a hug. It felt awkward because while we're friends, we're not that close. I did need a hug though ... and at that moment, I felt incredibly homesick ... for both home and for my friends from UndergradSchool.
Now, nearly an hour after we went upstairs, those obnoxious girls are still yelling and giggling and stomping ... although I no longer hear the THUMP THUMP of the bass from their music. I did call the landlord and I left a very irritated message on the voicemail. I'm listening to my favorite relaxing music as I'm typing this ... crying some now ... and I'm incredibly tired ... and worn ... and ... upset ... Now I'm not so much angry as I am feeling quite discouraged and helpless.
Right ... I need sleep. Things will be better in the morning.
This is my first full weekend here in RuralTown at my off-campus apartment ... and I was really looking forward to it. No long drives ... a chance to relax and settle down. For the most part, it's been rather pleasant. While I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with family and friends for the past two weekends, I was enjoying the chance to rest. I practiced today, went to the grocery store, cooked a yummy meal, baked cookies, and hung out with Green.
While making cookies (for tomorrow's LONG rehearsal with the choir - decided it would be a sweet gesture), I started to get annoyed because the tenants above us were obviously holding a party- LOUD music, lots of clicking shoes and heavy footsteps stomping on the floor, occasional yelling. While it was bothering me, I decided to let it go because it was only 9pm.
At 10:30pm, two girls knocked on my door. I didn't know them, so I asked Green (an intimidating figure) to answer the door for me. He did. The two girls were from upstairs, and they apologized for the inconvenience of the loud music, and said that they'd turn it off within the hour. I didn't show my face to them (and I don't know that they realized that I was there), but I decided that OK, I could cut them a little slack. It wouldn't kill me if it was obnoxious for just another hour.
At 11:45, I was fading ... and I wanted to get ready for bed soon. Church tomorrow morning. Lots of singing. Need lots of sleep. No sound of the party ending. I really didn't want to go talk to those girls, so I tried calling the EMERGENCY number of my landlord ... and wouldn't you know it? It went STRAIGHT TO VOICEMAIL. Each of the three times I tried calling it. (Waiting some time in between calls.) So I asked Green and one of my roommates to come upstairs with me to ask the girls to please turn off the music.
Knocked on the door loudly. No answer. Knocked again.
"Ooh, someone's at the door!" A voice squealed inside. "It's two white girls and a guy." Few more moments without an answer.
Finally the door was opened a crack so that the girl could see us, and then she opened the door and a few of her friends were behind her.
"Hi," I said, smiling through gritted teeth. "I'm from downstairs, and I," My voice was suddenly drowned out by the loud music. Some incredibly considerate person in the room had decided to blast it at its full volume while I was speaking. So I raised my voice, trying to keep the frustration at a minimum.
"We'd like you to PLEASE TURN DOWN YOUR MUSIC."
And the ever-so-pleasant girl who answered the door took this as a challenge.
"WHY YOU YELLIN' AT ME? You did NOT come here to yell at me! That is so *insert expletive here* ... YOU *$%^& DON'T COME UP HERE TO YELL AT ME!"
It didn't matter that I was simply trying to be heard over the music, that it hadn't been my intention to raise my voice. And she certainly wouldn't give me a chance to say that. Her friends were gathering closer around her, and she was getting in my face and invading my personal space, as though she was about to make this disagreement physical.
Green stepped in between us, and I stayed silent as the drunk girl and her drunk friends traded expletives about the $%^%* girl who was trying to yell at them to be quiet.
"You don't have to $%^(* yell," they screamed in my face. "Just tell us nicely to turn the music down! And why'd you bring this girl and this guy? Just come up by yourself and tell us. Just ask us politely to turn it down!" They shrieked nastily.
Throughout this barrage, I didn't say a word, and I tried to keep my face expressionless.
"Then please turn the music down." I calmly told the last girl who lectured me. She smirked and then glared at me as she shut the door in our faces.
Green, my roommate and I all looked at one another in shock as we stood there. As we walked down the stairs to my apartment, I said, "You know, I thought that calling the cops was too extreme, that we could be mature about this. But now," I continued, keeping my voice light, "I don't have a problem with it. If this doesn't change ..." Roommate agreed wholeheartedly.
When we returned to the apartment, Roommate went in her room and Green got ready to go back to his apartment. I didn't have his number in my phone yet, so he gave that to me.
"Are you going to be OK?" He asked me.
"I don't know what to think," I replied. (Thoughts were swirling around in my mind: Why didn't the landlord answer her freaking phone? ... That girl might have beat me up if Green hadn't stepped in between us ... Should I call the cops? ... In my previous two years as an RA dealing with situations such as this, I never felt as threatened or unsafe as I did just now ... I definitely need to get back in the habit of reading my Bible before I go to sleep-tonight- so that I can be calm and let go of this massive anger I'm feeling.)
"I don't know what to think," I repeated, realizing I was close to tears. Green pulled me into a hug. It felt awkward because while we're friends, we're not that close. I did need a hug though ... and at that moment, I felt incredibly homesick ... for both home and for my friends from UndergradSchool.
Now, nearly an hour after we went upstairs, those obnoxious girls are still yelling and giggling and stomping ... although I no longer hear the THUMP THUMP of the bass from their music. I did call the landlord and I left a very irritated message on the voicemail. I'm listening to my favorite relaxing music as I'm typing this ... crying some now ... and I'm incredibly tired ... and worn ... and ... upset ... Now I'm not so much angry as I am feeling quite discouraged and helpless.
Right ... I need sleep. Things will be better in the morning.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
If you possessed the powers of legilimency, you'd read in my mind:
Yup. I'm totally a nerd. I watched the recording of Tuesday night's rehearsal and the ensemble did very well. I did decently, although of course the recording made me aware of mistakes I didn't realize I made during rehearsal. (Ugh- stupid RA training! I've gotten into a habit of saying "I need" which is what we were trained to say to de-escalate a situation and take control of an issue. When working with an ensemble, this is a no-no because you don't want to imply that they're working for you, but rather for the sake of the music or for their own sake. I'm trying to get into a habit of saying "Let's" now.) I've already started planning warm-ups and my section of rehearsal for next week! Yay!
Hmm ... two months ago today, I was in Vienna. (!) I finally uploaded my photos from my summer trip onto my computer (last weekend!) ... but have yet to upload them to my favorite site to get prints. Need to do that, as I've got a coupon which expires soon ... although ... I still haven't uploaded the rest of my Italy pictures to order prints.
Fortunately, I have one free day this weekend - no more weekend road trips planned at this point ... Well, the exception to that is one weekend next month- I'm definitely taking a road trip to CoolCity to visit with some friends who are still there!
Hmm ... two months ago today, I was in Vienna. (!) I finally uploaded my photos from my summer trip onto my computer (last weekend!) ... but have yet to upload them to my favorite site to get prints. Need to do that, as I've got a coupon which expires soon ... although ... I still haven't uploaded the rest of my Italy pictures to order prints.
Fortunately, I have one free day this weekend - no more weekend road trips planned at this point ... Well, the exception to that is one weekend next month- I'm definitely taking a road trip to CoolCity to visit with some friends who are still there!
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
A new day
I feel much better today. Somehow, a decent amount of sleep, a relaxing shower this morning, and a relatively easy day so far today has gotten me out of my funk.
Of course some rehearsals are going to be tougher than others! It was the most difficult section in the piece! The ensemble did manage to produce the correct pitches and rhythms, and their phrasing was quite effective and lovely by the end of my rehearsal time with them.
When I get a mood like that again (extremely discouraged and frustrated), I simply need to step back, take a deep breath, and let it go. Take steps to improve for the next time, but let it go. (That's something I struggle with in many areas of my life... I'm constantly told in my voice lessons- "Let go. Let your voice be free. Stop trying to control everything about your singing!")
That said ... I still haven't watched the recording of myself from last night ... but I'll get to that sometime before my lesson tomorrow.
Of course some rehearsals are going to be tougher than others! It was the most difficult section in the piece! The ensemble did manage to produce the correct pitches and rhythms, and their phrasing was quite effective and lovely by the end of my rehearsal time with them.
When I get a mood like that again (extremely discouraged and frustrated), I simply need to step back, take a deep breath, and let it go. Take steps to improve for the next time, but let it go. (That's something I struggle with in many areas of my life... I'm constantly told in my voice lessons- "Let go. Let your voice be free. Stop trying to control everything about your singing!")
That said ... I still haven't watched the recording of myself from last night ... but I'll get to that sometime before my lesson tomorrow.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Personality shortcomings
When I'm offered a choice, I tend to defer the decision to the person offering me the choice.
"Whatever's most convenient for you" or "No me importa." And I'm nonchalant and easygoing about the situation. (If I do have a preference, I may speak up, but not always.)
At the same time, I am fiercely independent and stubborn. When I think I'm right, you better prove me otherwise. I have a (hopefully not too annoying) habit of automatically correcting mistakes I hear.
I hate being put on the spot. Perhaps it's due to my inherent shyness, which I'm continually striving to outgrow. Perhaps it's because I try to be prepared for everything and when something unexpected happens, I get annoyed because it's not in my grand plan.
Anyway ... tonight in my 20 minutes of leading rehearsal, I felt very vulnerable. Someone in the ensemble asked me a question about what we were doing 10 minutes after I'd already explained it. Apparently my explanation had not been clear enough (OK, that's fine; I need to know where I've got to improve) ... but that prompted other questions from other choristers ... and ... I felt a little lost. I kept looking to Mentor for reassurance, and she did help me out. She was very encouraging afterwards, but I was disappointed in how I'd led my portion of rehearsal this evening. Granted, the song material that we covered this week was more difficult ... but ... I felt like I was struggling. I felt like they were getting bored. I felt like they were humoring the novice conductor ... and while they remained respectful and they worked hard, I didn't feel in control of everything.
Mentor told me that the choir had been more successful in learning this challenging passage (the most challenging part of the piece) this evening than when the same group had sung the piece 7 years ago. So ... maybe I'm being unnecessarily hard on myself.
Or maybe I'm scared that my former cooperating teacher's words were true: "Estrella, you're similar to my daughter. She doesn't ask for help or guidance until she needs a lot of it, at the very last minute, and it's too late."
"Whatever's most convenient for you" or "No me importa." And I'm nonchalant and easygoing about the situation. (If I do have a preference, I may speak up, but not always.)
At the same time, I am fiercely independent and stubborn. When I think I'm right, you better prove me otherwise. I have a (hopefully not too annoying) habit of automatically correcting mistakes I hear.
I hate being put on the spot. Perhaps it's due to my inherent shyness, which I'm continually striving to outgrow. Perhaps it's because I try to be prepared for everything and when something unexpected happens, I get annoyed because it's not in my grand plan.
Anyway ... tonight in my 20 minutes of leading rehearsal, I felt very vulnerable. Someone in the ensemble asked me a question about what we were doing 10 minutes after I'd already explained it. Apparently my explanation had not been clear enough (OK, that's fine; I need to know where I've got to improve) ... but that prompted other questions from other choristers ... and ... I felt a little lost. I kept looking to Mentor for reassurance, and she did help me out. She was very encouraging afterwards, but I was disappointed in how I'd led my portion of rehearsal this evening. Granted, the song material that we covered this week was more difficult ... but ... I felt like I was struggling. I felt like they were getting bored. I felt like they were humoring the novice conductor ... and while they remained respectful and they worked hard, I didn't feel in control of everything.
Mentor told me that the choir had been more successful in learning this challenging passage (the most challenging part of the piece) this evening than when the same group had sung the piece 7 years ago. So ... maybe I'm being unnecessarily hard on myself.
Or maybe I'm scared that my former cooperating teacher's words were true: "Estrella, you're similar to my daughter. She doesn't ask for help or guidance until she needs a lot of it, at the very last minute, and it's too late."
Monday, September 10, 2007
a Y chromosome thing?
When I first got to GradSchool a few weeks ago, I spent over six hours on the phone with an old friend one night.
We've since called each other a few times a week for the past few weeks. (He was usually calling me.)
He called last weekend when I was in NearbyState visiting my brother. When I saw his name on my phone, I answered it, told him I was with my brother, and asked if he minded if I called him back the next day.
I called the next day, left a message. Called a few days later because I was driving down to an area not far from this friend for the weekend. We had previously discussed hanging out for a few hours. Left a message.
Called Saturday when I was staying overnight not far from this friend, left a message. (I know he's OK because he's updated a certain social networking site recently.) I'm disappointed; he was the one who'd originally suggested we get together when I was in that town near him.
We've since called each other a few times a week for the past few weeks. (He was usually calling me.)
He called last weekend when I was in NearbyState visiting my brother. When I saw his name on my phone, I answered it, told him I was with my brother, and asked if he minded if I called him back the next day.
I called the next day, left a message. Called a few days later because I was driving down to an area not far from this friend for the weekend. We had previously discussed hanging out for a few hours. Left a message.
Called Saturday when I was staying overnight not far from this friend, left a message. (I know he's OK because he's updated a certain social networking site recently.) I'm disappointed; he was the one who'd originally suggested we get together when I was in that town near him.
Sunday, September 09, 2007
A 10 second glimpse into the life of a klutz
BestFriend called me back tonight when I was lying on my bed, on my back, with my laptop perched precariously on my legs.
I reached over to my left to grab my cell phone. Forgetting it was plugged in and charging, I picked it up briskly. Accidentally yanked the charger cord. Which was somehow tangled with my desk lamp cord. The pressure on this cord was too much for the lamp. It couldn't take it anymore and decided to jump off the desk. Fortunately, my bed caught it.
So I leaned over to return the desk lamp to its proper upright position when my laptop starts sliding off my supersmooth pajama pants. It had watched the acrobatic attempt of the desk lamp and decided it too wanted to join in the fun! Off to the floor!
Except that I caught the laptop with my right hand (momentarily abandoning the >$10 lamp) because my left hand was still holding onto the cell phone.
"Estrella? What are you doing?" (Note: Welcome, BestFriend, to WrappedinSong! This location has evolved from being a copycat of my older blog into the place where I prefer to share my favorite thoughts. Love you!)
"Um ... give me a moment," I managed to say, finally having the presence of mind to use both hands to rescue my belongings. I put the phone down, and the lamp sparked before going completely dark. I set my computer on my bed, propped up the lamp, and unplugged the phone so that I could talk with BestFriend while I rooted around in my closet for the extra light bulbs from the pack I'd bought a few weeks ago.
Sadly, the replacement bulb did not work. Inspection at the root of the lamp (where the cord is plugged in) and inspection at the outlet did not yield any helpful clues. The outlet still works.
(Alas, if this had been last year, I could have marched my lamp down the hall to the superloud football players and asked them to help me. After all, they helped me configure my VCR/TV - which I haven't figured out how to do yet this year- and they unscrewed the lids of my orange juice bottles when I couldn't open them this winter ... Being an RA had its perks ... but the apartment scene is a welcome change after living in a residence hall for four years.)
I reached over to my left to grab my cell phone. Forgetting it was plugged in and charging, I picked it up briskly. Accidentally yanked the charger cord. Which was somehow tangled with my desk lamp cord. The pressure on this cord was too much for the lamp. It couldn't take it anymore and decided to jump off the desk. Fortunately, my bed caught it.
So I leaned over to return the desk lamp to its proper upright position when my laptop starts sliding off my supersmooth pajama pants. It had watched the acrobatic attempt of the desk lamp and decided it too wanted to join in the fun! Off to the floor!
Except that I caught the laptop with my right hand (momentarily abandoning the >$10 lamp) because my left hand was still holding onto the cell phone.
"Estrella? What are you doing?" (Note: Welcome, BestFriend, to WrappedinSong! This location has evolved from being a copycat of my older blog into the place where I prefer to share my favorite thoughts. Love you!)
"Um ... give me a moment," I managed to say, finally having the presence of mind to use both hands to rescue my belongings. I put the phone down, and the lamp sparked before going completely dark. I set my computer on my bed, propped up the lamp, and unplugged the phone so that I could talk with BestFriend while I rooted around in my closet for the extra light bulbs from the pack I'd bought a few weeks ago.
Sadly, the replacement bulb did not work. Inspection at the root of the lamp (where the cord is plugged in) and inspection at the outlet did not yield any helpful clues. The outlet still works.
(Alas, if this had been last year, I could have marched my lamp down the hall to the superloud football players and asked them to help me. After all, they helped me configure my VCR/TV - which I haven't figured out how to do yet this year- and they unscrewed the lids of my orange juice bottles when I couldn't open them this winter ... Being an RA had its perks ... but the apartment scene is a welcome change after living in a residence hall for four years.)
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Good thing I enjoy driving ...
More traveling this weekend ... I'm going to visit an older couple, part of my extended family. Both are now in their 80s and both are retired professors from prestigious universities in their region. I visited them when I went to a conference near them this Spring ... and GradSchool is much closer to them than UGSchool and home.
I can't wait to see them and to show them pictures from my summer travels! (I'm also excited because my mother shared with me that this couple told her that they've come up with great plans to spoil me! That means - delicious, mouthwatering, scrumptious homemade meals! Of course, I feel spoiled when I get to listen to their stories and just talk with them because they're such amazing people too!) :-)
I can't wait to see them and to show them pictures from my summer travels! (I'm also excited because my mother shared with me that this couple told her that they've come up with great plans to spoil me! That means - delicious, mouthwatering, scrumptious homemade meals! Of course, I feel spoiled when I get to listen to their stories and just talk with them because they're such amazing people too!) :-)
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Oops
As we were preparing to begin the alto sectional today, most of the girls were chatting as they found their seats. I made my way to the piano to get my things organized before starting our rehearsal. I don't really know the kids at this school very well, and I was trying to make sure I remembered everything I was supposed to go over in the music. As I was standing there, arranging my music on the piano, one of the girls came up to me.
She leaned in and whispered softly, "One of the buttons on your blouse is undone."
Bless her heart for telling me! Of course, it was the button right between ... well, it was a very strategic button. Oops! (Of course, I hadn't worn a tank top underneath this blouse.) Thank goodness there were only females in the room! (I did have to wonder though ... was that button undone when we'd met with the full SATB ensemble just moments before?!)
To get the girls' attention so that we could start singing, I announced, "Now that I'm fully clothed, let's begin!" (They giggled, not in a malicious way. We had a great rehearsal too.)
She leaned in and whispered softly, "One of the buttons on your blouse is undone."
Bless her heart for telling me! Of course, it was the button right between ... well, it was a very strategic button. Oops! (Of course, I hadn't worn a tank top underneath this blouse.) Thank goodness there were only females in the room! (I did have to wonder though ... was that button undone when we'd met with the full SATB ensemble just moments before?!)
To get the girls' attention so that we could start singing, I announced, "Now that I'm fully clothed, let's begin!" (They giggled, not in a malicious way. We had a great rehearsal too.)
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Refreshing weekend
This past weekend was absolutely wonderful. I left after class on Friday and drove to NearbyState to see BestFriend! Because she now lives Far, Far Away, neither of us knew when we'd see the other next. (I'm in the process of trying to figure out possible dates to use an airline voucher I have.) So ... being able to see her (and her husband, her brother, and another friend of theirs in the area) was so very rewarding.
Sometimes I forget how well we know one another (she knows my guilty secret: I shave the area between my eyebrows because it's much easier to shave it than pluck out those hairs) ... and I was with her when she got the lovely stationary which she's used in her recent correspondence. We shared GirlTime (lots of good conversation that's more fun in person than over the phone), cookie dough, laughter, many hugs, pictures (mine from Europe, hers of her new apartment), shopping, and inside jokes. The only thing missing was The Nanny on DVD. (I didn't think to bring it, but I most certainly will remember it when I fly out to visit them.)
Seeing her was so absolutely wonderful. It didn't feel like the almost 3 months it had been since we'd actually seen each other in person.
~*~*~*~*~
Also on my trip, I visited Brother who's now attending college not far from where BestFriend used to live. Even though he's a music major, he didn't have a metronome. So ... after lunch, we visited a music store and I had to get one for him. (Conveniently for him, his birthday is coming up ... so ... I made that my gift to him. Conveniently for me, I got a discount because I told them I'm a music teacher. Yay!) Then we cruised around the nearby city (where I'd never been) before enjoying dinner out. When I left, I was struggling to keep from crying.
"I don't know why I'm like this," I told him as I had to hug him one more time.
"It's because you loooove me," he teased me.
Smiling though still fighting back tears, I playfully remarked, "Yeah, I guess I do, you nerd."
Then I sobbed in the car as I drove back to BestFriend's house. I'm still baffled as to why my emotions caught up to me so swiftly. (It's not the hormonal fluctuation part of the month.) Maybe he's right; maybe it is just because I love my brother.
~*~*~*~*~
As I drove back to GradSchool, I stopped near CoolCity to spend a few hours with another friend from UGSchool ... Pleasant to see her too.
~*~*~*~*~
Today could have been a very stressful day ... but it turned out very well ... and I'm pretty content with how everything seems to be working out. (It helps that I sang a lot today = singing apparently releases endorphins or other happy hormones!) I suppose it also helps that ... it looks as though I'm developing a regular correspondence (via email) with two of the cute boys I met in Europe this summer. *grin* If only they didn't live on the other side of the ocean ...
Sometimes I forget how well we know one another (she knows my guilty secret: I shave the area between my eyebrows because it's much easier to shave it than pluck out those hairs) ... and I was with her when she got the lovely stationary which she's used in her recent correspondence. We shared GirlTime (lots of good conversation that's more fun in person than over the phone), cookie dough, laughter, many hugs, pictures (mine from Europe, hers of her new apartment), shopping, and inside jokes. The only thing missing was The Nanny on DVD. (I didn't think to bring it, but I most certainly will remember it when I fly out to visit them.)
Seeing her was so absolutely wonderful. It didn't feel like the almost 3 months it had been since we'd actually seen each other in person.
~*~*~*~*~
Also on my trip, I visited Brother who's now attending college not far from where BestFriend used to live. Even though he's a music major, he didn't have a metronome. So ... after lunch, we visited a music store and I had to get one for him. (Conveniently for him, his birthday is coming up ... so ... I made that my gift to him. Conveniently for me, I got a discount because I told them I'm a music teacher. Yay!) Then we cruised around the nearby city (where I'd never been) before enjoying dinner out. When I left, I was struggling to keep from crying.
"I don't know why I'm like this," I told him as I had to hug him one more time.
"It's because you loooove me," he teased me.
Smiling though still fighting back tears, I playfully remarked, "Yeah, I guess I do, you nerd."
Then I sobbed in the car as I drove back to BestFriend's house. I'm still baffled as to why my emotions caught up to me so swiftly. (It's not the hormonal fluctuation part of the month.) Maybe he's right; maybe it is just because I love my brother.
~*~*~*~*~
As I drove back to GradSchool, I stopped near CoolCity to spend a few hours with another friend from UGSchool ... Pleasant to see her too.
~*~*~*~*~
Today could have been a very stressful day ... but it turned out very well ... and I'm pretty content with how everything seems to be working out. (It helps that I sang a lot today = singing apparently releases endorphins or other happy hormones!) I suppose it also helps that ... it looks as though I'm developing a regular correspondence (via email) with two of the cute boys I met in Europe this summer. *grin* If only they didn't live on the other side of the ocean ...
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