I got my CT to promise he'd wear whatever Halloween costume I brought for him today. So... last night, I went to Ex-Boyfriend's building and borrowed some essentials.
Today, I wore my black pants and an orange turtleneck (with cute, jingly pumpkin socks!) and left all the costume pieces for both CT and me in my car during Homeroom. I didn't want his students to see our costumes before their regular classes!
During his planning period, I retrieved the costumes: For him-- the Phantom of the Opera mask, accompanying cape and white gloves ... and ... a Wagnerian Brunhilde helmet with horns. (The Phantom costume by itself was nice-- but the helmet was added for the extra humor!) I think he got a kick out of having his students guess the two different parts of his costume. :-) The kids LOVED what he wore-- and some insisted on using their cell phones to take pictures of his costume.
I was a bit more conservative~ I wore a lovely Renaissance gown that I wore in high school- a costume my mom made for me years ago when I was part of a small group which performed repertoire from the Renaissance era. While it felt a little snug up top, it was also well-received. The girls were very complimentary. :-)
I had thought about going on rounds (I'm on RA duty tonight) in my costume-- but decided that maybe I better not. Most people don't have classes tomorrow and I imagine they're taking advantage of that. (There have been parties every night since Thursday.) Don't want them to be any more disoriented (due to my costume) than they probably already are (or are preparing to be).
Speaking of parties, I went to my first Halloween party on Friday. (Is it sad that it was my first-- as a senior in college?) The theme was "Snakes and Ninjas on a Plane" and it was mostly attended by students at a NearbySchool, all of whom seemed to know each other through their shared Christian denomination campus ministry programs. I had some really great conversations with intelligent people -- laughs, pictures, music, good times. I met a really cute guy who's involved in heading up the Campus Ministry programs at NearbySchool ... Definitely the type of guy I'd like to meet ... but ... his Christian denomination is different than mine. This is no problem with me-- if he's living for my God, that's what counts ... But ... I don't know if he's one of those super-followers of his denomination who tend to refer to themselves as their representatives of their denomination, rather than simply a believer in Christ. The type of follower who might only date followers of his particular denomination. A denomination to which I'm not willing to convert because certain traditions and beliefs are not Scripturally-based. Aack! Why am I overanalyzing this cute guy from the party?!
I think my overanalysis might result from a comment I heard from BestFriend who had also been at the party. We had gone to the opera two weeks ago with many of the same people who were at this party -- and apparently while BestFriend and I visited the Ladies' Room that night, one of the guys in said group made many derogatory comments about non-denomination Christians (i.e. "All Christians not of his particular denomination should just die.") ... Isn't that just an awful thing to say? My whole philosophy is that we Christians are all members of Christ's church -- even if we have slightly different beliefs. Therefore, we need to work together to promote the Gospel. Being divided and biased against one another dampens the effectiveness of our mission and ministry.
I doubt I'll hear from the guy at the party ... but there is a cute guy at church too. :-) I smiled at him the other day just because I was smiling at the person standing next to him, and we did make eye contact-- but no response from him. Can't tell if he's just shy or if he thought I was interested and he's trying to nip that in the bud. Then ... during the service, he was giving out communion (he's a seminarian) ... and he was just about to serve communion to me when one of the other servers reached me first. I looked up from my prayer and it was like this awkward pause while he stepped back and the other guy gave me communion. Then after the service, I waited in the sanctuary, sitting next to another member of the congregation, to listen to the organ postlude before retrieving my belongings ... and the guy passed me, made eye contact with the man next to me (and maybe nodded slightly- not sure), and avoided me completely! *sigh* There's always next Sunday ... :-)
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Friday, October 27, 2006
I just got the sweetest email today. My Cooperating Teacher at my former student-teaching placement wrote me an update on how the kids are doing. To me, I feel so comfortable and busy at my new placement that while I've thought about my kiddies over at school #1, I haven't had time to dwell on those thoughts. This was their first week without me.
Hi Estrella-
3rd Grade Cellist said it felt empty without you. : (
A group this afternoon asked me if I was lonely without you. They said
they miss you. I told them that I was too busy to be lonely but I sure
did miss you.
I wish you could have heard Returning Weak Violinist today. Whatever you did to
inspire her to practice worked! She played through pages 24 and 25
without flaw. Her posture matched RWV's Lesson Partner's. She read notes correctly
and played in tune. (Her fluency was actually better than RWVLP's.
Yes, I am talking about RWV! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
The beginner groups are performing beautifully! They're being nice to
the bunny (a teaching tool we use to remind the kids about having good technique) and curving fingers on the tape! You gave them a great
foundation. Thank you!!!!!!!!
Cooperating Teacher
I still have to write entries about Church/Dinner with my CT and colleagues last Saturday ... and all of my adventures this week from Student-teaching placement #2. I'm going to one, possibly two, Halloween parties tonight ... I'm attending a workshop tomorrow ... going to the ballet tomorrow night (after BestFriend cooks me dinner), possibly going out for BreakUp Drinks with BestFriend after the ballet ... and Sunday, I may go to a performance of Mozart's Requiem in the afternoon after church.
I will write sometime. Hopefully I'll find time this weekend. :-)
Hi Estrella-
3rd Grade Cellist said it felt empty without you. : (
A group this afternoon asked me if I was lonely without you. They said
they miss you. I told them that I was too busy to be lonely but I sure
did miss you.
I wish you could have heard Returning Weak Violinist today. Whatever you did to
inspire her to practice worked! She played through pages 24 and 25
without flaw. Her posture matched RWV's Lesson Partner's. She read notes correctly
and played in tune. (Her fluency was actually better than RWVLP's.
Yes, I am talking about RWV! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
The beginner groups are performing beautifully! They're being nice to
the bunny (a teaching tool we use to remind the kids about having good technique) and curving fingers on the tape! You gave them a great
foundation. Thank you!!!!!!!!
Cooperating Teacher
I still have to write entries about Church/Dinner with my CT and colleagues last Saturday ... and all of my adventures this week from Student-teaching placement #2. I'm going to one, possibly two, Halloween parties tonight ... I'm attending a workshop tomorrow ... going to the ballet tomorrow night (after BestFriend cooks me dinner), possibly going out for BreakUp Drinks with BestFriend after the ballet ... and Sunday, I may go to a performance of Mozart's Requiem in the afternoon after church.
I will write sometime. Hopefully I'll find time this weekend. :-)
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Tell Me on a Sunday
The title of the post comes from an Andrew Lloyd Webber song.
Things with Boyfriend have been rough since the beginning of the semester. We made a compromise: he'd call in the evenings when he came back from his various activities and we'd still have our Tuesday night two-hour-long "dates" for dinner- in the cafeteria in the building where I work on Tuesdays.
For the past 2 weeks, we've had a half hour each Tuesday because his class beforehand would inevitably run late ... or he stayed after without bothering to tell me ahead of time. And the other part of our compromise? He called maybe 3 times that first week, maybe twice the next week, and not at all this week.
I saw him after his show last night and he actually was free to hang out. We began talking, and I asked a lot of questions about his activities and his life in general. Then in what seemed like the middle of our conversation, he randomly asked if I wanted to watch a movie. I was disappointed and somewhat hurt that he seemed to have no interest in our first real conversation in over 2 weeks. I said, "OK" anyway but ended up falling asleep during the middle of the movie. After the movie was over, we parted ways because we'd made plans 2 weeks ago that we'd spend today together. (I had to ask him if he'd pencil me into his calendar and if he'd make sure that it was just "us" time- no other obligations, but a free day to go do something or just hang out.)
He told me last night that he'd scheduled a lesson during our time together today ... and he'd also made plans to stop home in the morning before we got together. This morning, he called an hour later after he said he would (11am instead of 10am). We met for lunch and then walked downtown.
As we were approaching one of CoolCity's green areas, I felt convicted; I knew I had to say something to start the inevitable discussion about the state of our relationship. I prayed that God would give me the words to speak.
"I've been unhappy," I managed to say. Realizing that we were by the green area, I suggested we sit down by the fountain. (I hope it didn't seem premeditated to him, but the benches were conveniently nearby.)
"I've been unhappy ... and frustrated with our relationship so far. I feel like the compromise we made a few weeks ago hasn't been working. I feel like I've tried to make an effort-- I've called you but those calls haven't been returned. I've tried to be so supportive and encouraging because I understand that everything you're doing-- all of your activities-- are so important to your future. You're making those connections, getting your name out there, getting great job experience. But-- I've been unhappy." When I stumbled over some of these words and tears escaped, he took my hands in his own.
He told me how in a previous relationship, he'd been "forced" to call his girlfriend every night, and how that routine had become a dreaded one for him. He's not much of a talker (I know and respect that), and he felt like we weren't as close emotionally anymore because we don't have any shared experiences. If we were in a group more often, he'd feel more comfortable. But-- he doesn't have the time for group stuff. His closest friends hardly ever see him anymore. He's just too busy.
Neither of us could think of an alternative way to make the relationship work. During this whole conversation on the bench, the sun slowly shifted. As we began talking, we were in direct sunlight. The sun's rays were beautiful and warm and birds hopped over around us. As this conversation continued, the sun edged away, leaving us in shadow. I didn't even realize the sunlight had left us until the breeze chilled me and I saw that we were sitting in the shade. An appropriate metaphor for our relationship. I still remembered the warmth of the sunshine and I longed for it, but the shadow had come across us without us being aware of its presence.
We walked again, several more blocks around downtown for the next hour. He wanted to avoid saying the cliche, "Let's just be friends," but he did eventually say something along those lines.
"How would you feel about taking a step back and re-establishing our friendship? I feel like we've lost some of that."
"I think it might be easier," I said slowly, "because my expectations of friendship would be different. I still love you,"
"I love you too," he interjected.
I continued, "I think it might be hard though, especially next semester when circumstances are not the same as they are now, since I'll be a 'regular college student' again and no longer a student-teacher. But with things as they are now, it might be better for both of us." We continued walking as we thought about these words.
We were within a block of the school when he took both of my hands in his. "Where do you want to go from here? Both long-term and short-term." He said the latter while indicating our proximity to campus.
We chose to remain friends, with no expectations of anything more in the future. We hugged after deciding this ... and lingered in the embrace. He asked if he could kiss me "one last time," and his voice faltered on the word "last." We kissed briefly, and I remembered the first time he asked to kiss me. We continued walking back to campus and parted ways at our respective residential buildings.
I tried calling BestFriend but she's out with her fiance right now picking out a reception hall for their wedding. *sigh* Tonight, I'm going to church and out to dinner with my cooperating teacher and colleagues from the school where I just finished up my student-teaching.
I'm disappointed now ... and sad ... and I feel guilty because I also feel some relief. I do believe God was with me, and I pray that He'll continue to guide me- in my life, my relationships, everything. *sigh* Right now, I feel like drinking a TaB (my mom's favorite soda and thus, my "comfort food" because it reminds me of home) and watching a movie not requiring thought.
Things with Boyfriend have been rough since the beginning of the semester. We made a compromise: he'd call in the evenings when he came back from his various activities and we'd still have our Tuesday night two-hour-long "dates" for dinner- in the cafeteria in the building where I work on Tuesdays.
For the past 2 weeks, we've had a half hour each Tuesday because his class beforehand would inevitably run late ... or he stayed after without bothering to tell me ahead of time. And the other part of our compromise? He called maybe 3 times that first week, maybe twice the next week, and not at all this week.
I saw him after his show last night and he actually was free to hang out. We began talking, and I asked a lot of questions about his activities and his life in general. Then in what seemed like the middle of our conversation, he randomly asked if I wanted to watch a movie. I was disappointed and somewhat hurt that he seemed to have no interest in our first real conversation in over 2 weeks. I said, "OK" anyway but ended up falling asleep during the middle of the movie. After the movie was over, we parted ways because we'd made plans 2 weeks ago that we'd spend today together. (I had to ask him if he'd pencil me into his calendar and if he'd make sure that it was just "us" time- no other obligations, but a free day to go do something or just hang out.)
He told me last night that he'd scheduled a lesson during our time together today ... and he'd also made plans to stop home in the morning before we got together. This morning, he called an hour later after he said he would (11am instead of 10am). We met for lunch and then walked downtown.
As we were approaching one of CoolCity's green areas, I felt convicted; I knew I had to say something to start the inevitable discussion about the state of our relationship. I prayed that God would give me the words to speak.
"I've been unhappy," I managed to say. Realizing that we were by the green area, I suggested we sit down by the fountain. (I hope it didn't seem premeditated to him, but the benches were conveniently nearby.)
"I've been unhappy ... and frustrated with our relationship so far. I feel like the compromise we made a few weeks ago hasn't been working. I feel like I've tried to make an effort-- I've called you but those calls haven't been returned. I've tried to be so supportive and encouraging because I understand that everything you're doing-- all of your activities-- are so important to your future. You're making those connections, getting your name out there, getting great job experience. But-- I've been unhappy." When I stumbled over some of these words and tears escaped, he took my hands in his own.
He told me how in a previous relationship, he'd been "forced" to call his girlfriend every night, and how that routine had become a dreaded one for him. He's not much of a talker (I know and respect that), and he felt like we weren't as close emotionally anymore because we don't have any shared experiences. If we were in a group more often, he'd feel more comfortable. But-- he doesn't have the time for group stuff. His closest friends hardly ever see him anymore. He's just too busy.
Neither of us could think of an alternative way to make the relationship work. During this whole conversation on the bench, the sun slowly shifted. As we began talking, we were in direct sunlight. The sun's rays were beautiful and warm and birds hopped over around us. As this conversation continued, the sun edged away, leaving us in shadow. I didn't even realize the sunlight had left us until the breeze chilled me and I saw that we were sitting in the shade. An appropriate metaphor for our relationship. I still remembered the warmth of the sunshine and I longed for it, but the shadow had come across us without us being aware of its presence.
We walked again, several more blocks around downtown for the next hour. He wanted to avoid saying the cliche, "Let's just be friends," but he did eventually say something along those lines.
"How would you feel about taking a step back and re-establishing our friendship? I feel like we've lost some of that."
"I think it might be easier," I said slowly, "because my expectations of friendship would be different. I still love you,"
"I love you too," he interjected.
I continued, "I think it might be hard though, especially next semester when circumstances are not the same as they are now, since I'll be a 'regular college student' again and no longer a student-teacher. But with things as they are now, it might be better for both of us." We continued walking as we thought about these words.
We were within a block of the school when he took both of my hands in his. "Where do you want to go from here? Both long-term and short-term." He said the latter while indicating our proximity to campus.
We chose to remain friends, with no expectations of anything more in the future. We hugged after deciding this ... and lingered in the embrace. He asked if he could kiss me "one last time," and his voice faltered on the word "last." We kissed briefly, and I remembered the first time he asked to kiss me. We continued walking back to campus and parted ways at our respective residential buildings.
I tried calling BestFriend but she's out with her fiance right now picking out a reception hall for their wedding. *sigh* Tonight, I'm going to church and out to dinner with my cooperating teacher and colleagues from the school where I just finished up my student-teaching.
I'm disappointed now ... and sad ... and I feel guilty because I also feel some relief. I do believe God was with me, and I pray that He'll continue to guide me- in my life, my relationships, everything. *sigh* Right now, I feel like drinking a TaB (my mom's favorite soda and thus, my "comfort food" because it reminds me of home) and watching a movie not requiring thought.
Friday, October 20, 2006
Pizz. doesn't stand for Pizza!
On Tuesday, there was a flood in our school building. The art room had a few inches of standing water. Some of that water leaked through the wall and into the general music room. And- of course, there was water in the hallway too. So our music wing was cut off from the rest of the school! I was standing in the hallway with my cooperating teacher, her colleagues, and the administration trying to figure out what to do. We suggested that the kids could still come to the band and orchestra rooms through the auditorium instead of through the wet hallway. This idea was approved, but we were told that all of the children had to be escorted through the auditorium to the classroom. (They are 3rd-5th graders.) My cooperating teacher said, "No problem! She [pointing to me] can teach all day and I'll run them back and forth." So it was agreed.
Even though we were allowed to use the auditorium to walk through, we weren't permitted to hold chorus in there. Go figure! So ... we got to use the District Conference room (as used by the general music classes during that day too). I did a goofy stretching warm-up to a Halloween Disney CD I bought at the dollar store. The kids loved it. Then we did a vocal warm-up to a silly Halloween song-- just because I wanted to have some extra fun with them that day. Then -- on to repertoire! Yay!
~*~*~*~*~
My professor came to observe and evaluate my student-teaching on Wednesday. The 3 (5th Grade violin) girls were well-behaved- when present! The first girl came in a few minutes late, and I waited a moment before deciding to just go ahead and work with her until the other girls arrived. We worked on the G Major arpeggio in preparation for one of their concert pieces. Then we worked on the E minor scale (aurally, analytically, then technically) in preparation for another concert piece. Then as we were talking about fingering for certain notes, Girl #2 came in. Yay! So we talked about the notes and the fingerings together. Then we played. Then, as we were packing up, Girl #3 came in.
Overall, the observation went more smoothly than the last one, even with the chaos of trying to adjust to circumstances beyond my control. My professor was very pleased, and I've now passed Student-teaching part 1 of 2!!!
Oh, and the reason why the girls were late to the lesson? It was Pizza Day in the cafeteria!
(If anyone actually reads this blog, and you're not musically inclined, pizz. stands for pizzicato, the technique string players use when they pluck the string)
Even though we were allowed to use the auditorium to walk through, we weren't permitted to hold chorus in there. Go figure! So ... we got to use the District Conference room (as used by the general music classes during that day too). I did a goofy stretching warm-up to a Halloween Disney CD I bought at the dollar store. The kids loved it. Then we did a vocal warm-up to a silly Halloween song-- just because I wanted to have some extra fun with them that day. Then -- on to repertoire! Yay!
~*~*~*~*~
My professor came to observe and evaluate my student-teaching on Wednesday. The 3 (5th Grade violin) girls were well-behaved- when present! The first girl came in a few minutes late, and I waited a moment before deciding to just go ahead and work with her until the other girls arrived. We worked on the G Major arpeggio in preparation for one of their concert pieces. Then we worked on the E minor scale (aurally, analytically, then technically) in preparation for another concert piece. Then as we were talking about fingering for certain notes, Girl #2 came in. Yay! So we talked about the notes and the fingerings together. Then we played. Then, as we were packing up, Girl #3 came in.
Overall, the observation went more smoothly than the last one, even with the chaos of trying to adjust to circumstances beyond my control. My professor was very pleased, and I've now passed Student-teaching part 1 of 2!!!
Oh, and the reason why the girls were late to the lesson? It was Pizza Day in the cafeteria!
(If anyone actually reads this blog, and you're not musically inclined, pizz. stands for pizzicato, the technique string players use when they pluck the string)
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Nearly 13/16 done
8 semesters. 16 half-semesters. I'll be moving on to my second student-teaching placement next week. Even though my friends in regular classes have had their course midterms, this week is the turning point for me. (Of course, I'm not counting the extra 2+ weeks that I'll be at this placement ... nor am I counting the days when I have school but my MySchool friends won't -- i.e. Thanksgiving Break.)
Still ... this is it. I'm getting observed tomorrow again. The half-hour lesson with my 3 squirrelly but still talented violinists. Tomorrow, I'm supposed to demonstrate to my prof that I can actually model on the instrument (and not just model the easy way- with my voice). :-) After writing this, I should probably go practice for that!
I miss practicing. I never thought I'd say that. I went to a concert the other night at which my private teacher (from pre-student-teaching days, because we're not allowed to take private lessons while student-teaching) performed. She was outstanding. Watching and hearing her made me want to practice. It also made me realize how frustrated she must have been with me as her student. Especially last semester. I was being pulled in far too many directions, most beyond my control, and my lessons suffered the most. My grade, a B, reflected that. (I've gotten B+'s in college, but never below that. In fact, I don't even remember the last time I earned below a B+ ... even in high school. *thinks some more* Oh wait, I do: I earned 85% in gym class my freshman year because I walked most of the mile run, lacking the proper endurance, and ended up failing that portion of my final. Thank you, exercise-induced asthma -- or laziness.)
Back to my private teacher: She told me that I should have been a performance major because my starting instrument was better than many performance majors'. And- I was bright. Instead, I chose Education-- because I never had the confidence for performance. I might have had the drive to do well if I weren't so freaked out about others hearing me when I practice. I'm not sure that I have the heart ... although when I do perform in small areas, my ego does appreciate the nods and compliments I receive. *shy smile*
What a disappointment I must have been to her. Making excuses here and there, some more legitimate than others. ("My ensemble director is killing my technique by forcing me to perform one way, and I have to spend more time in ensemble than in private lessons." "All these 1 credit classes, 1 credit- in print only because the workload is really more appropriate for a 3-credit course, suck up my time so that I don't have the energy left to practice if I want to maintain my health by getting sleep and maintain my sanity too" etc. ) *shakes head sadly*
Maybe I should go practice tomorrow. Whip my chops back into shape. So that I haven't backtracked from where I was last Spring and this Summer, and so that the next time I'm able to take a lesson from her, I'll deserve it.
Still ... this is it. I'm getting observed tomorrow again. The half-hour lesson with my 3 squirrelly but still talented violinists. Tomorrow, I'm supposed to demonstrate to my prof that I can actually model on the instrument (and not just model the easy way- with my voice). :-) After writing this, I should probably go practice for that!
I miss practicing. I never thought I'd say that. I went to a concert the other night at which my private teacher (from pre-student-teaching days, because we're not allowed to take private lessons while student-teaching) performed. She was outstanding. Watching and hearing her made me want to practice. It also made me realize how frustrated she must have been with me as her student. Especially last semester. I was being pulled in far too many directions, most beyond my control, and my lessons suffered the most. My grade, a B, reflected that. (I've gotten B+'s in college, but never below that. In fact, I don't even remember the last time I earned below a B+ ... even in high school. *thinks some more* Oh wait, I do: I earned 85% in gym class my freshman year because I walked most of the mile run, lacking the proper endurance, and ended up failing that portion of my final. Thank you, exercise-induced asthma -- or laziness.)
Back to my private teacher: She told me that I should have been a performance major because my starting instrument was better than many performance majors'. And- I was bright. Instead, I chose Education-- because I never had the confidence for performance. I might have had the drive to do well if I weren't so freaked out about others hearing me when I practice. I'm not sure that I have the heart ... although when I do perform in small areas, my ego does appreciate the nods and compliments I receive. *shy smile*
What a disappointment I must have been to her. Making excuses here and there, some more legitimate than others. ("My ensemble director is killing my technique by forcing me to perform one way, and I have to spend more time in ensemble than in private lessons." "All these 1 credit classes, 1 credit- in print only because the workload is really more appropriate for a 3-credit course, suck up my time so that I don't have the energy left to practice if I want to maintain my health by getting sleep and maintain my sanity too" etc. ) *shakes head sadly*
Maybe I should go practice tomorrow. Whip my chops back into shape. So that I haven't backtracked from where I was last Spring and this Summer, and so that the next time I'm able to take a lesson from her, I'll deserve it.
Estrella clones
According to this fun website, there are approximately 17 people who share my first and last name in the country. Five of them are on Facebook. My middle name is more unusual-- if it were my first name, there would be "0" people with that name.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
The sun'll come out ... or it might snow
Duty on Friday nights is rough because:
1) I have to be up at 6 on Friday mornings to get ready, commute, teach from 9-4pm, and then commute again
2) I return to MySchool at 4:30pm
3) I go on duty at 4:30pm
4) Technically, I'm not supposed to leave my room to go eat food (but I ignore that)
5) I'm supposed to go on building rounds, and usually, on Fridays, I don't get to sleep until well after 2am
Guess what I get to look forward to tomorrow? :-)
Maybe there are silver linings:
I'm stuck in my room. This either means I am extremely productive (like earlier this week on my weeknight duty!) or that I have an excuse to relax (the option I choose on most duty nights). I'm gonna try to get some ironing done tomorrow. And maybe watch a movie. And ... try to clean my pigsty of a room which had been improving until I brought back goodies from home!
Oops! 11:40pm and I should have been in bed nearly 2 hours ago in order to survive tomorrow- day and duty night. Maybe I'll have to open the bottled mocha frappucino waiting in my fridge ... (Even a couple sips of that perk me right up!)
'Night!
1) I have to be up at 6 on Friday mornings to get ready, commute, teach from 9-4pm, and then commute again
2) I return to MySchool at 4:30pm
3) I go on duty at 4:30pm
4) Technically, I'm not supposed to leave my room to go eat food (but I ignore that)
5) I'm supposed to go on building rounds, and usually, on Fridays, I don't get to sleep until well after 2am
Guess what I get to look forward to tomorrow? :-)
Maybe there are silver linings:
I'm stuck in my room. This either means I am extremely productive (like earlier this week on my weeknight duty!) or that I have an excuse to relax (the option I choose on most duty nights). I'm gonna try to get some ironing done tomorrow. And maybe watch a movie. And ... try to clean my pigsty of a room which had been improving until I brought back goodies from home!
Oops! 11:40pm and I should have been in bed nearly 2 hours ago in order to survive tomorrow- day and duty night. Maybe I'll have to open the bottled mocha frappucino waiting in my fridge ... (Even a couple sips of that perk me right up!)
'Night!
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
The Power of Prayer
When close friends of mine come to me with problems, I offer to pray for them and ask if they want to pray together. (My close friends are all believers.) When the tragedy occurred in my community earlier this year, one of my friends was more closely involved than I was. After we had responded as required by our profession, we prayed together and she shared with me her experiences that evening. When BestFriend needed guidance regarding her then-boyfriend (now-fiance), we prayed.
I know God does amazing things. I know from personal experience that He is faithful and loving. He listens to and answers prayer. But I didn't realize how powerful it is to even offer to pray for someone.
I've encountered three of my girls crying in the past week. One I saw last week-- because she had just broken up with her boyfriend of 3+ years. The other two were in the common areas last night-- one whose father had been in an accident (but is doing fine), and the other whose boyfriend in Iraq was stationed very near an area of multiple explosions yesterday and she had not heard from him.
I told each girl that I'd pray for her and the persons involved in the issue she was facing. (Usually, I'm not as direct about my faith with people because I suppose I try to live it more than speak about it. I mean, I'll pray for them, but I don't usually tell them that I am.) It was really moving for me when, after I told each of these girls that they'd be in my prayers, their faces became more peaceful and they really seemed to feel better already. Sharing my prayers for them seemed to convey more of my care and love for these girls than any sympathetic words or looks or hugs did. It's amazing how God works in our lives.
I know God does amazing things. I know from personal experience that He is faithful and loving. He listens to and answers prayer. But I didn't realize how powerful it is to even offer to pray for someone.
I've encountered three of my girls crying in the past week. One I saw last week-- because she had just broken up with her boyfriend of 3+ years. The other two were in the common areas last night-- one whose father had been in an accident (but is doing fine), and the other whose boyfriend in Iraq was stationed very near an area of multiple explosions yesterday and she had not heard from him.
I told each girl that I'd pray for her and the persons involved in the issue she was facing. (Usually, I'm not as direct about my faith with people because I suppose I try to live it more than speak about it. I mean, I'll pray for them, but I don't usually tell them that I am.) It was really moving for me when, after I told each of these girls that they'd be in my prayers, their faces became more peaceful and they really seemed to feel better already. Sharing my prayers for them seemed to convey more of my care and love for these girls than any sympathetic words or looks or hugs did. It's amazing how God works in our lives.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Home Sweet Home ... and some babbling
I drove home last night. Soooo good to be here, in the home where I grew up, with my family ... I haven't left the house all day. I haven't needed or wanted to. I haven't really done anything either. I've sat around, talked with my parents, eaten delicious homecooked meals ... and somehow, "nothing" is the everything I've needed. :-)
For the past hour and a half, I've been looking up Bridesmaid Duties online ... reading articles on how I get to help BestFriend prepare for her big day! I understand now why she's been obsessed with looking at wedding pictures, websites, etc. for the past few months! It's addicting! Who wouldn't be excited about throwing a party to celebrate YOU and your beloved? Dedicating your love for one another and your lives to God? A once-in-a-lifetime (traditionally, at least) opportunity?
After reading many, many articles online, I am also quite relieved that I am not the one getting married! I would not want to worry about planning the "biggest day of my life" when I've got other things at the front of my mind: graduating in May, job-searching (update on possible substitute position: the department chair will keep my information and notify me when he has more specific information on the opening, but he "applauded my enthusiasm and initiative!"), and whatever else ties into the job search: Will I have to move? What age level/ specific subject area will I be teaching? And of course, BestFriend's wedding is on my list now too!
I was planning on leaving Home mid-afternoon to get back to MySchool mid-evening. But ... BestFriend called this evening to inform me of an impromptu informal engagement party tomorrow night at her apartment. So ... I'll be leaving a little earlier than previously planned so that I can be there for her!
Which will be nice ... because ... then I can get to bed early before my big day of Mingling with Professionals in My Field. I'm excited about that too ... because I love meeting people ... and making connections! While I like having connections who help me out, I enjoy assisting others through those connections even more (i.e. getting two friends to sub for me at my regular Sunday gig).
*yawn* I've been trying to tear myself away from this computer for 45 minutes now ... 'night!
For the past hour and a half, I've been looking up Bridesmaid Duties online ... reading articles on how I get to help BestFriend prepare for her big day! I understand now why she's been obsessed with looking at wedding pictures, websites, etc. for the past few months! It's addicting! Who wouldn't be excited about throwing a party to celebrate YOU and your beloved? Dedicating your love for one another and your lives to God? A once-in-a-lifetime (traditionally, at least) opportunity?
After reading many, many articles online, I am also quite relieved that I am not the one getting married! I would not want to worry about planning the "biggest day of my life" when I've got other things at the front of my mind: graduating in May, job-searching (update on possible substitute position: the department chair will keep my information and notify me when he has more specific information on the opening, but he "applauded my enthusiasm and initiative!"), and whatever else ties into the job search: Will I have to move? What age level/ specific subject area will I be teaching? And of course, BestFriend's wedding is on my list now too!
I was planning on leaving Home mid-afternoon to get back to MySchool mid-evening. But ... BestFriend called this evening to inform me of an impromptu informal engagement party tomorrow night at her apartment. So ... I'll be leaving a little earlier than previously planned so that I can be there for her!
Which will be nice ... because ... then I can get to bed early before my big day of Mingling with Professionals in My Field. I'm excited about that too ... because I love meeting people ... and making connections! While I like having connections who help me out, I enjoy assisting others through those connections even more (i.e. getting two friends to sub for me at my regular Sunday gig).
*yawn* I've been trying to tear myself away from this computer for 45 minutes now ... 'night!
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Cheers!
One of my colleagues at student-teaching placement told me he'd heard of an available substitute position at the very end of the school year. (Someone's expecting a baby!) The department head was concerned about how they would find someone who was qualified to teach (i.e. certified- with my future degree) for that portion of the year. So ... I emailed him, telling him how I'd heard of the opening and asking how I might apply. *crosses fingers* Possible job opportunity #1.
[There was about 20 minutes in which I did not write because I received a phone call from BestFriend. She said,
"Estrella, I need you to see you right now."
I asked her, "What's wrong? Do you need to come and talk? I'm on duty for RAFriend and can't leave the building."
"I'm at the bottom of your building. Please come down right now."
The elevator seemed to take longer than usual to arrive. I thought for sure that she had terrible news. Something had happened.
When I got down there, I saw her and her boyfriend, and she was holding a long box. She cried out,
"I'M ENGAGED!" She thrust out her hand to show me her beautiful, sparkling ring and opened the box, revealing the lovely long-stemmed roses inside!
BESTFRIEND is ENGAGED! We became close the fall of our sophomore year when she lived next door to me. We used to bang on our shared wall to announce our visits to one another. We stayed up late nights, talking about boys and our own first relationships (which had begun our freshman year and ended the summer before sophomore year). We talked about what we wanted in future relationships. And our faiths. And our families. And our hopes, wishes, dreams. While I had had other very close friends, she was really my first BestFriend. She told me the day after she encountered her [now] fiance's blog. She handed me the printout of their first IM conversation a week and a half later, the very night they'd talked for the first time. I was in her room when he first called her. I've listened to her talk about their relationship-- the wonderful things he did and the small issues which made her ask, "Should I break up with him?" (I'd never give her a clear opinion either way, but I'd always hint that he was really a fantastic guy and that her complaints, while important because they mattered to her, were not necessarily factors I'd consider as cause for terminating a relationship.) I spent time with the two of them on his first trip to CoolCity. I took the first picture of the two of them as a couple.
And now they're engaged! Godwilling, she'll be married this upcoming summer! BestFriend! Now a future bride! (Is it ironic that I'm now listening to Disney's Cinderella's "So This is Love" ?) *Sigh* I'm so happy for her that I can't stop beaming! So happy!!!!! (And not just because I'm going to be a bridesmaid!!!) BestFriend is going to be married!!!!!
[There was about 20 minutes in which I did not write because I received a phone call from BestFriend. She said,
"Estrella, I need you to see you right now."
I asked her, "What's wrong? Do you need to come and talk? I'm on duty for RAFriend and can't leave the building."
"I'm at the bottom of your building. Please come down right now."
The elevator seemed to take longer than usual to arrive. I thought for sure that she had terrible news. Something had happened.
When I got down there, I saw her and her boyfriend, and she was holding a long box. She cried out,
"I'M ENGAGED!" She thrust out her hand to show me her beautiful, sparkling ring and opened the box, revealing the lovely long-stemmed roses inside!
BESTFRIEND is ENGAGED! We became close the fall of our sophomore year when she lived next door to me. We used to bang on our shared wall to announce our visits to one another. We stayed up late nights, talking about boys and our own first relationships (which had begun our freshman year and ended the summer before sophomore year). We talked about what we wanted in future relationships. And our faiths. And our families. And our hopes, wishes, dreams. While I had had other very close friends, she was really my first BestFriend. She told me the day after she encountered her [now] fiance's blog. She handed me the printout of their first IM conversation a week and a half later, the very night they'd talked for the first time. I was in her room when he first called her. I've listened to her talk about their relationship-- the wonderful things he did and the small issues which made her ask, "Should I break up with him?" (I'd never give her a clear opinion either way, but I'd always hint that he was really a fantastic guy and that her complaints, while important because they mattered to her, were not necessarily factors I'd consider as cause for terminating a relationship.) I spent time with the two of them on his first trip to CoolCity. I took the first picture of the two of them as a couple.
And now they're engaged! Godwilling, she'll be married this upcoming summer! BestFriend! Now a future bride! (Is it ironic that I'm now listening to Disney's Cinderella's "So This is Love" ?) *Sigh* I'm so happy for her that I can't stop beaming! So happy!!!!! (And not just because I'm going to be a bridesmaid!!!) BestFriend is going to be married!!!!!
Unresolved issues?
Last night, I went to bed before 10 because I've been telling myself for weeks now that I need to get into a habit of getting more sleep. Boyfriend called right after midnight, and after some sleepily mumbled greetings and monosyllabic responses, we said goodnight and hung up.
This morning, I'm not sure if I was awoken by the bizarre and disturbing dream I had or if I simply remembered it because it made such an impression on me.
The dream: I was in my car, driving somewhere. I was in the left lane (headed straight) at a stoplight which was red. I was really upset about something. There was one car in front of me at this light. The light turned green, and the car in front of me zoomed off. And even though I saw that the light was green, I couldn't make myself hit the gas pedal. I couldn't move. I knew there were cars behind me and they were getting really annoyed. The car directly behind me honked. But I couldn't move. And the light turned red again.
All of a sudden, my next memory in the dream was that I had just entered some sort of department store-- along the lines of a Gabriel's or TJ Maxx or possibly a touristy store. I was still really upset about something, but I was trying to look at some clothing (brightly colored, pastels maybe?) and a few employees were gathered over at the check-out desk, chatting about something. One saw me and came over.
"Do you need any help?"
I answered, "Yes. My grandmother's really sick and she's in surgery right now. And she's dying." Then I guess I must have had some realization or something because I said, "She died. and I need help. I can't do this. I have to go. I need help."
I was so shaken as I was dreaming this. I don't even know what caused this. The grandmother I was referring to in the dream is the same grandmother who just passed away at the end of August. My favorite grandmother, with whom I was close. And maybe that's why I realized as I was dreaming that she was dead. My close friend's grandmother just underwent surgery on Wednesday, and I was really praying about it. Her grandmother is 91 years old (two years older than Grandmama) and I was so scared that she wouldn't survive and that my friend would have to go through the grief I felt about my own grandmother.
Sometimes, I'm not sure that I've really worked through it. She passed away a week before I was going to try to drive the 5 hours to see her. (Then visit for a few hours, then drive back to CoolCity.) Her death was unexpected. Sure, she was 89 and her health had been declining (although no diseases or anything, just old age catching up) since I'd returned home in May. My family drove the several hours to see her in July. My mom told us that it would probably be for the last time, since we wouldn't be able to make it up there again until possibly Thanksgiving. We weren't sure how much longer she would make it.
So I was determined that I would drive from CoolCity to Grandmama's the first week of MySchool's classes, but the week before I would begin my student-teaching. It was the week before this that she passed away. Much earlier than anticipated. And I was in CoolCity, isolated from family and friends. That weekend, I wasn't able to go home. And I would have gone home the following weekend, but my parents drove up to Grandmama's apartment to clear it out and sort out her estate.
So I haven't been home. Compound that with a community tragedy in CoolCity. Which I had to directly respond to, as a professional. Add stress issues with Boyfriend not being around (an entry earlier in this week, I haven't learned how to link back). And too many duty nights as an RA. Mix with anxiety over future career concerns and sleep deprivation. And voila! You have my current mental state. Or at least my mental state of last weekend. I am feeling better today. This week, in fact. The students and my colleagues at the school are fantastic -- I couldn't have asked for a better student-teaching placement. It's a really good thing I finally get to go home this weekend -- I've been away for almost 2 months. And I've had to deal with more [emotional demands] in these past two months than ever before.
Back to my dream -- bizarre and disconcerting. I still have a hard time believing that Grandmama is really gone. I was thinking about her last night before I fell asleep- but I've never dreamed about her before. In fact, I don't think I've ever had a dream quite like this one- where I felt completely out of control and I just couldn't do anything.
This morning, I'm not sure if I was awoken by the bizarre and disturbing dream I had or if I simply remembered it because it made such an impression on me.
The dream: I was in my car, driving somewhere. I was in the left lane (headed straight) at a stoplight which was red. I was really upset about something. There was one car in front of me at this light. The light turned green, and the car in front of me zoomed off. And even though I saw that the light was green, I couldn't make myself hit the gas pedal. I couldn't move. I knew there were cars behind me and they were getting really annoyed. The car directly behind me honked. But I couldn't move. And the light turned red again.
All of a sudden, my next memory in the dream was that I had just entered some sort of department store-- along the lines of a Gabriel's or TJ Maxx or possibly a touristy store. I was still really upset about something, but I was trying to look at some clothing (brightly colored, pastels maybe?) and a few employees were gathered over at the check-out desk, chatting about something. One saw me and came over.
"Do you need any help?"
I answered, "Yes. My grandmother's really sick and she's in surgery right now. And she's dying." Then I guess I must have had some realization or something because I said, "She died. and I need help. I can't do this. I have to go. I need help."
I was so shaken as I was dreaming this. I don't even know what caused this. The grandmother I was referring to in the dream is the same grandmother who just passed away at the end of August. My favorite grandmother, with whom I was close. And maybe that's why I realized as I was dreaming that she was dead. My close friend's grandmother just underwent surgery on Wednesday, and I was really praying about it. Her grandmother is 91 years old (two years older than Grandmama) and I was so scared that she wouldn't survive and that my friend would have to go through the grief I felt about my own grandmother.
Sometimes, I'm not sure that I've really worked through it. She passed away a week before I was going to try to drive the 5 hours to see her. (Then visit for a few hours, then drive back to CoolCity.) Her death was unexpected. Sure, she was 89 and her health had been declining (although no diseases or anything, just old age catching up) since I'd returned home in May. My family drove the several hours to see her in July. My mom told us that it would probably be for the last time, since we wouldn't be able to make it up there again until possibly Thanksgiving. We weren't sure how much longer she would make it.
So I was determined that I would drive from CoolCity to Grandmama's the first week of MySchool's classes, but the week before I would begin my student-teaching. It was the week before this that she passed away. Much earlier than anticipated. And I was in CoolCity, isolated from family and friends. That weekend, I wasn't able to go home. And I would have gone home the following weekend, but my parents drove up to Grandmama's apartment to clear it out and sort out her estate.
So I haven't been home. Compound that with a community tragedy in CoolCity. Which I had to directly respond to, as a professional. Add stress issues with Boyfriend not being around (an entry earlier in this week, I haven't learned how to link back). And too many duty nights as an RA. Mix with anxiety over future career concerns and sleep deprivation. And voila! You have my current mental state. Or at least my mental state of last weekend. I am feeling better today. This week, in fact. The students and my colleagues at the school are fantastic -- I couldn't have asked for a better student-teaching placement. It's a really good thing I finally get to go home this weekend -- I've been away for almost 2 months. And I've had to deal with more [emotional demands] in these past two months than ever before.
Back to my dream -- bizarre and disconcerting. I still have a hard time believing that Grandmama is really gone. I was thinking about her last night before I fell asleep- but I've never dreamed about her before. In fact, I don't think I've ever had a dream quite like this one- where I felt completely out of control and I just couldn't do anything.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
7 months and 1 day
... until I graduate! Then "real life" begins.
Today, my professor came into one of my lessons to observe my teaching. This was my first observation! My cooperating teacher has given me very positive feedback, but today I had to teach in front of the person who taught me everything I know about teaching strings! No pressure!
I wore my favorite black pants and a red/black/gold shirt, hoping that the bright colors would perk me up. (Last night's duty included a fire drill and a drug incident ... so I ended up with about 5 hours of sleep.)
The girls in my lesson, who had been squirrelly last week, were so well-behaved today! In fact, when one of the girls came in, she informed my professor, "I think Miss ************ is a great teacher!" (I chimed in with, "I didn't even offer to pay her to tell you that!") My professor asked the girl, "Why is that?" The girl responded, "Because she's really nice and she helped me practice! And she helps me!"
All three girls played so well. All of them practiced more this week, and it showed in their playing. I goofed a couple of times (oops-- wrong preparation activity for the one song! I had skipped ahead to the next song's preparation instead!), but my cooperating teacher jumped in and helped me out. The girls really responded well to what we worked on, and I was so proud of them!
I received great feedback from my professor when we talked after the lesson. He was pleased with what he saw, and his criticisms were merely different strategies on how to more effectively deal with some of the issues the students (and I) encountered in the lesson. I felt so relieved!
He'll be returning again in 2 weeks to observe the same group of girls, and even though he asked me to model on a string instrument next time (instead of with my voice/ arms), I think I'll be fine!
Today, my professor came into one of my lessons to observe my teaching. This was my first observation! My cooperating teacher has given me very positive feedback, but today I had to teach in front of the person who taught me everything I know about teaching strings! No pressure!
I wore my favorite black pants and a red/black/gold shirt, hoping that the bright colors would perk me up. (Last night's duty included a fire drill and a drug incident ... so I ended up with about 5 hours of sleep.)
The girls in my lesson, who had been squirrelly last week, were so well-behaved today! In fact, when one of the girls came in, she informed my professor, "I think Miss ************ is a great teacher!" (I chimed in with, "I didn't even offer to pay her to tell you that!") My professor asked the girl, "Why is that?" The girl responded, "Because she's really nice and she helped me practice! And she helps me!"
All three girls played so well. All of them practiced more this week, and it showed in their playing. I goofed a couple of times (oops-- wrong preparation activity for the one song! I had skipped ahead to the next song's preparation instead!), but my cooperating teacher jumped in and helped me out. The girls really responded well to what we worked on, and I was so proud of them!
I received great feedback from my professor when we talked after the lesson. He was pleased with what he saw, and his criticisms were merely different strategies on how to more effectively deal with some of the issues the students (and I) encountered in the lesson. I felt so relieved!
He'll be returning again in 2 weeks to observe the same group of girls, and even though he asked me to model on a string instrument next time (instead of with my voice/ arms), I think I'll be fine!
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Therapy of music and friends
My boyfriend (our 10 month "anniversary" was last week) and I almost broke up last night. . Actually, we did break up ... but after a longer conversation, we decided to try to improve our situation. The problem? He has overcommitted himself to too many activities this semester. Because of my early-to-bed and early-to-rise schedule due to student-teaching (meaning I am off-campus 7:45-4:30, and I try to go to sleep by 11pm), our [small] windows of free time do not overlap- with the exception of a two hour block on Tuesdays. That two hour block inevitably shortens to about an hour because his class beforehand always runs late. Even he said last night, "Two hours a week is not a relationship."
I've been very understanding. This happened early on in our relationship (the no-time together problem), but he asked me to try again because he "needed" me. I decided I wanted to try again too, he tried harder to be there, and things were wonderful. But I've had a difficult time this semester and he has not been emotionally available or physically there. Boyfriend agreed that I had been extremely supportive and he said, "I know this is my fault, but ... this is gonna be my lifestyle. I don't have a clear career path with my major ... and you do. Yours is gonna be the 9-5 teaching job [so far it hasn't been 9-5, and when I'm actually teaching, I doubt it will be either!] and my hours just aren't going to be as set."
He's right. His lifestyle as a freelancer will not be stable. He'll go from short-term job to short-term job. I even recognize that his commitments this semester are really great for him-- he's making connections and getting his name and work out there. I'm proud of him for what he has accomplished. But ... if I'm thinking long-term ... I don't think that's the life I want. When married (which I do hope will happen someday), I don't just want to see my husband for rushed hours here and there. Plus, if we're blessed with children, I think I'd like the flexibility of a part-time job while they're young. If I have to be the breadwinner (or at least the one with a steady job with benefits for our family), that may not happen.
He's not comfortable talking about relationship stuff and especially not long-term plans. I'm just trying to think realistically -- am I going to job-search with him in mind? (He told me a few weeks ago not to do this.) Am I even interested in a long-term relationship yet? Especially when my career could go in any direction? I don't know if I want to be tied down. But- I don't know if I'd want the opportunity to be single again and meet more people and still face this problem when I graduate in May. Job opportunities are rare and extremely competitive in the area around CoolCity. As much as I've grown to love this area, do I really want to stay here? Or do I want to adventure somewhere else?
Some resolution: I told Boyfriend that I've felt like I was on the backburner, that I was no longer valued. I asked if he could call me in the evenings when he gets back from is commitments. (He's a quiet person and isn't much of a talker.) Even if I'm already asleep. Even if the conversation lasts for less than 5 minutes. Just to try to build up/maintain our connection which has already begun to dissipate. So I know that he's still thinking about me and that he still cares.
Some of his commitments will be over in 3 weeks. So I'm going to try to give this a month before I re-evaluate whether or not this is what I want. What we want. I love him and I don't want to give him up yet ... but I'm also hoping that I'm not making a mistake by prolonging this.
Now to the title of the post: BestFriend came to my church to hear me sing this morning. GirlTalk on the way back to MySchool. Then she and I attended a performance by CoolCity's Orchestra. Amazing. More GirlTalk on the way back. I met up with Clique whom I've hardly seen this semester for dinner and then attended a student recital on campus with them. After the therapy of music and friends, I feel better about this situation with Boyfriend for the time being.
Now-- off to go do a bulletin board and compile my student-teaching notebook. And sleep ~ hopefully soon. *sigh*
I've been very understanding. This happened early on in our relationship (the no-time together problem), but he asked me to try again because he "needed" me. I decided I wanted to try again too, he tried harder to be there, and things were wonderful. But I've had a difficult time this semester and he has not been emotionally available or physically there. Boyfriend agreed that I had been extremely supportive and he said, "I know this is my fault, but ... this is gonna be my lifestyle. I don't have a clear career path with my major ... and you do. Yours is gonna be the 9-5 teaching job [so far it hasn't been 9-5, and when I'm actually teaching, I doubt it will be either!] and my hours just aren't going to be as set."
He's right. His lifestyle as a freelancer will not be stable. He'll go from short-term job to short-term job. I even recognize that his commitments this semester are really great for him-- he's making connections and getting his name and work out there. I'm proud of him for what he has accomplished. But ... if I'm thinking long-term ... I don't think that's the life I want. When married (which I do hope will happen someday), I don't just want to see my husband for rushed hours here and there. Plus, if we're blessed with children, I think I'd like the flexibility of a part-time job while they're young. If I have to be the breadwinner (or at least the one with a steady job with benefits for our family), that may not happen.
He's not comfortable talking about relationship stuff and especially not long-term plans. I'm just trying to think realistically -- am I going to job-search with him in mind? (He told me a few weeks ago not to do this.) Am I even interested in a long-term relationship yet? Especially when my career could go in any direction? I don't know if I want to be tied down. But- I don't know if I'd want the opportunity to be single again and meet more people and still face this problem when I graduate in May. Job opportunities are rare and extremely competitive in the area around CoolCity. As much as I've grown to love this area, do I really want to stay here? Or do I want to adventure somewhere else?
Some resolution: I told Boyfriend that I've felt like I was on the backburner, that I was no longer valued. I asked if he could call me in the evenings when he gets back from is commitments. (He's a quiet person and isn't much of a talker.) Even if I'm already asleep. Even if the conversation lasts for less than 5 minutes. Just to try to build up/maintain our connection which has already begun to dissipate. So I know that he's still thinking about me and that he still cares.
Some of his commitments will be over in 3 weeks. So I'm going to try to give this a month before I re-evaluate whether or not this is what I want. What we want. I love him and I don't want to give him up yet ... but I'm also hoping that I'm not making a mistake by prolonging this.
Now to the title of the post: BestFriend came to my church to hear me sing this morning. GirlTalk on the way back to MySchool. Then she and I attended a performance by CoolCity's Orchestra. Amazing. More GirlTalk on the way back. I met up with Clique whom I've hardly seen this semester for dinner and then attended a student recital on campus with them. After the therapy of music and friends, I feel better about this situation with Boyfriend for the time being.
Now-- off to go do a bulletin board and compile my student-teaching notebook. And sleep ~ hopefully soon. *sigh*
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