Like many college music ed students, I decided that I wanted to teach at the high school level. Many students enter the program with that feeling because that's the most recent experience they've had. For some, it was the quality or strength of their high school program that influenced their choice of what to study in college. For others, they simply wanted the challenge of being able to work with students on more complex music. There is so much more [good] music written for voices which are more developed, and it is challenging and time-consuming to sift through the available music to find quality pieces for less advanced groups.
Of the five interviews I had after grad school, only two were high school positions. I was not offered either job. Instead, I ended up at my current school - junior high - and I've grown to love this age group more than I ever imagined I would. I feel very strongly that this was God's will for me to serve where I've been for the past few years. For the most part, I'm blessed with great students from a supportive community. I have it better than many of my counterparts in that regard. This year marks the end of the first "generation" of students I've had; my oldest students have had me all three years at this school. Over time, the struggles I had as a new teacher have dissipated; the students know me and know how we do things in my classroom. They don't challenge or debate every little decision I make. They know I care about them all and they [usually] rise to the occasion and to the high standards I have. They don't exactly eat out of my hand like tame birds; they want so much to be independent. Well ... they want to feel like they can make choices and that they can be independent if they want to be, but they also want that nurturing and caring foundation to which they can return after they've stretched out their wings a little.
At the age level I teach, my position is much more about teaching than directing the ensemble. I teach and re-teach the basics: music literacy, music theory, performance standards, ear-training, healthy vocal technique ... and the list goes on and on. Each year, I have new students in every grade level who've never had any training before, and I re-teach the same information in as many ways as I can dream up. I create games or fun activities to teach the same concepts over and over and the kids who have me over multiple years haven't seemed to mind the constant review of material they've already learned. Even kids I've had for 3 years have struggled to retain some of the concepts we cover, so I see the validity in repeating so much of the content from year to year. It would be lovely, however, if the classes could be divided more by ability so that the kids who are really excelling could be challenged further. However, none of my requests to be involved with scheduling has ever been acknowledged. Because my classes don't have to pass a standardized test and because we have a third of the class time that the tested subjects have, I suppose my requests just aren't as important.
There are things that make me unhappy in my present situation, but overall, I'm content. I know I'm in a good place. However, that doesn't mean that I'm not looking for greener pastures. I still think I'd like to teach high school someday. I don't know if NOW is the time to move on, but I'm trusting that God will guide me to where He wants me to be. If He wants me to stay where I am, I know He'll show me. If He plans on moving me elsewhere, I'm sure He'll make that clear to me as well.
Two high school positions in my area have opened. I've applied for one and I plan on working on the application for the other today. Part of me feels extremely guilty and disloyal for even considering the thought of leaving my current school. When I talk to my kids about my plans for our choral program for the next school year, I feel like a part of me is being untruthful if I end up not being there. When my students have told me that their friends and/or younger siblings have signed up for my class for next year because they've raved all about me and the fun things we do, I feel guilty. When I took my choir to perform last week at an event after we were honored with an invitation, I thought, "How can I leave these kids?"
I shared my concerns with a friend/mentor to whom I confided my plans to apply for the two other positions. She acknowledged how I was feeling and lightly teased me for over-worrying.
"You don't have a decision to make yet. You don't have to know that you will accept a position before it's even offered to you. You don't have to consider all these things unless you do receive an offer. It sounds like you're seeking permission to try for these opportunities, and you should try because I know it's what you want to do. That way you won't feel guilty if the opportunity had passed you by and you had done nothing."
So ... I'm praying that God will make it clear. If I am presented with a choice, I pray that He will guide me to whichever choice is aligned with His will for my life. If I am not presented with a choice- if I don't receive an offer- then I will be able to feel at peace knowing that I tried and that I was simply meant to stay where I am.
