Looking Ahead to 2008

1. Will you be looking for a new job?
Yes! Ideally, I think I'd prefer to work with older students, even though I'm certified K-12. I'm not so sure what I desire location-wise, but I do know that I want to be no more than 45 minutes from a city. GradSchoolTown is nice, but I'd like to have more than a giant-size discount store in town.

2. Will you be looking for a new relationship?
I don't know if I'll really be looking, but I'd be more interested in meeting someone once I leave this grad school limbo stage.

3. New house?
Some form of new living quarters near new job would be helpful.

4. What will you do differently in '08?
I'm hopeful that my training and coaching in grad school will pay off and that I'll be better at what I love to do!

5. New Year's resolution?
None yet ... and I don't know that I will decide to officially choose something. I do want to be more consistent in my prayer and Scripture-reading. I've done very poorly lately.

6. What will you not be doing in '08?
I do not intend to consider any fluke opportunities for further education before I get a real job. On-the-job experience in my field is what I really need next.

7. Any trips planned?
Yes! New England for a conference, a visit to BestFriend's hometown a few thousand miles away over Spring Break, a brief choir tour to CoolCity (home to AlmaMater), possibly to a large midwest state on a tour with a different choir, and Europe on yet another choir tour. This does not include tomorrow's trip to BestFriend's home state!

8. Wedding plans?
Not for me ... but wedding bells will be ringing for about 5 couples I know.

9. Major thing on your calendar?
The trips, definitely ... beyond that? Not anything I can think of at the moment.

10. What can’t you wait for?
Like Katie, I want to see where I'll go this year. Where will I get a job? Where will I live? What other surprises will come my way?

11. What would you like to see happen differently?
I don't have a good answer for this one.

12. What about yourself will you be changing?
I will be unable to maintain my current sleep schedule. Oh well. :-) Getting up at 7 or 8 in the morning won't work so well if I have to report to work before 7am.

13. What happened in '07 that you didn’t think would ever happen?
I actually went on a Spring Break trip - to Italy- with BestFriend! An article of mine was published in a major national magazine in my field. A few months later, I traveled in Europe by myself before and after my studies abroad. I never dreamed I'd actually have those opportunities, and I'm still amazed when I realize that they actually happened.

14. Will you be nicer to the people you care about?
I'll try.

15. Will you dress differently this year than you did in '07?
As a GA, I'm usually dressed more formally than most of the professors at GradSchool. I plan to maintain my conservative and professional (and still flattering!) style when I'm teaching.

16. Will you start or quit drinking?
I don't drink often, but I don't plan to give it up. Margaritas and red wine are too good.

17. Will you better your relationship with your family?
Always striving for that.

18. Will you do charity work?
I'd like to, yes.

19. Will you go to bars?
It's possible, but the bar is not really my type of place because it strains my voice (too loud, sometimes smoky). I'm much more of the coffeeshop type.

20. Will you be nice to people you don’t know?
I hope so. I've already adjusted my driving talk- instead of yelling, "You idiot! Don't you know what a freakin' turn signal is for?!" I say, with all the saccharine sweetness I can muster, "Sweetheart, there's a little lever next to your steering wheel that's called a turn signal. Good manners recommend your use of the device!" BestFriend loves driving with me because this cracks her up.

21. Do you expect '08 to be a good year for you?
I can't expect that 2008 will be able to "top" 2007, but I am hopeful that it too will be a great year!

22. How much did you change from this time last year till now?
I'd love to say that I've grown up and matured more. Maybe I have in different ways ... but in other ways, I feel less so than this time last year. *shrugs*

23. Do you plan on having a child?
Not this year!!! Maybe sometime in the next decade.

24. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now?
Some of the same, yes. I'm in touch with fewer people from AlmaMater than I'd expected, and even my closest friend from high school and I have rarely spoken. I think that most of my new friendships at GradSchool will not last beyond my time there.

25. Major lifestyle changes?
Leaving behind life as a student and moving out into the Real World!

26. Will you be moving?
Yup. My lease is up in May.

27. What will you make sure doesn’t happen in '08 that happened in '07?
I won't accept a new job (such as my current church job) without thinking about it first. I'm not satisfied or happy in my position, but I don't want to hurt those to whom I've committed my time.

28. What are your New Year's Eve plans?
BestFriend's party!

29. Will you have someone to kiss at midnight?
No, but I've never had someone to kiss at midnight on New Year's. However, I bought Hershey's kisses with the plan to share them with everyone at midnight!

30. One wish for '08?
To quote from "My Grown-Up Christmas List" (lyrics by Amy Grant, maybe?):
"No more lives torn apart, that wars would never start, that time would heal all hearts,
Every one would have a friend, that right would always win, that love would never end"

In summary: Peace. Love. Acceptance. Justice. Compassion. Understanding. Faith. Hope. And Love again, because it is the root of all of the others.

Post-Christmas Plans

Now that Christmas is over, I've got to get work done! On my list of things to do:
*Freelance transcription work (just finished this evening but wanted to include anyway!)
*Freelance arranging work (must be completed in the next week! Aack!)
*Portfolio compilation -- If I want a job after graduation, I better update this thing ... which hasn't been touched in 2 years. Ugh. Maybe I should make a pretty e-portfolio instead.
*Resume tweaking -- Need to add grad school information ... and ... contact professors from AlmaMater for feedback (I trust their guidance more in this area than GradSchool)

Also on my list:
*Traveling! 2 days of whirlwind fun with BestFriend & friends!
*Teaching- possibly visiting a nearby school to teach some music classes!
*Get applications from all local school districts!
*Fill out online applications for main teaching websites

*Spend time with family and friends

*Practice, study scores, etc.

*Sleep!

Merry Christmas!

A lovely Christmas at home! Received some practical gifts (a pretty calendar and a gift card for the one grocery store in GradSchool town), some tasty gifts (tea sampler, cookies), and a pretty gift (a mirror decorated with flowers)! :-)

Some of my ornaments on the tree:

Santa, perched on a basket:

One of the many beautiful poinsettias!

May you also be blessed during this holiday season! :-)

New CDs soon-to-be in my music library

I was with family members who purchased these in advance (with my input) ... and I believe I'll be seeing them again under the Christmas tree or from Santa :-)


*Manhattan Transfer Greatest Hits

*New York Voices (don't remember the title) -- I had a masterclass with one of the singers in this group a few years ago ... looking forward to more vocal jazz exposure

*Rutter's Requiem and Magnificat

*Frank Sinatra (don't remember the title -- but a 4-CD compilation of his pieces *sigh* which were purchased for $8 at Walmart! Seriously $8! The clerk saw that they'd been mislabeled as Beyonce when it rang up, but he looked at us, smiled, and shrugged. Sweet!)

*Anuna (actually 2 CDs of this Celtic choral group ... gorgeous sound)

My five hour drive back to school won't be long enough! :-)

A Christmas tradition

The Christmas tree is now decorated with our mismatched but meaningful ornaments. It has been a family tradition for each of us to receive a new ornament every year. When I was younger, my ornaments were usually animals or fairies; more recently, the ornaments have all reflected my interest in music. Eighth notes, a singer, a treble clef with a bell at the bottom ...

One of my favorite things to do at Christmastime is to snuggle up on the armchair in the corner of the room behind the Christmas tree. When I'm there, I am obscured from view and am somehow magically transported from the hustle and bustle of the household into my own serene cocoon. It's my ideal place for reading ... and I remember writing the opening lyrics to one of my songs while cozily sitting there. The sacred ambience is enhanced in the evening when the room is lit only the gentle glow of the Christmas tree and the moonlight from the window. *sigh* It's lovely.

A particularly witty IM conversation

Also known as an attempted ode to customization of one's personal computer

Estrella: oh how i love folders
CollegeFriend: yeah, exactly
Estrella: you too? i'm, like, in love with them. Making new folders to contain my files thrills me.
Estrella: I feel like I can really be organized
Estrella: when I'm really not so much

Four days until Christmas? Really?

Today's to-do list involves:

1) Mailing out my Christmas cards (which won't reach my cross-country or international friends in time, but it's the thought that counts, right?)

2) Mailing out my mother's Christmas letters (I don't ever remember meeting the people on the list who aren't biologically related to me, but they'll get to read all about my college graduation ("Summa!"- as my mother loves to tell everyone), publication, travels and grad school adventures. Lucky them!)

3) Running errands

4) Making some more Christmas gifts (including a scrapbook for my former piano teacher of all the composer/music-related pictures I took in Vienna)

5) Decorating the Christmas tree

6) Getting rid of the cough that's been nagging me since Sunday (slowly improving... at least I can talk now)

7) Wrapping gifts

8) Finishing some extra income work which I've been putting off

9) Hanging out with the family :-)


UPDATED in the evening:
1, 2, 3, 4 (not started), 5, 6 (still hacking), 7 (not started), 8 (a 5-minute attempt but couldn't force myself to work more), 9 ... and I finished my fourth book of the holiday break instead. No. Fifth. In ... 5 days. Easy reading though. :-)

On Blogging

Whenever I go home, I kinda forget about this little thing called the Internet. I'm not as obsessive about checking my email a million times a day, I don't read my favorite blogs every day ...

Wondering if I ought to start a links list? I think I'm a bit shy about asking all of those people if I can link to them. I love reading them but I don't comment much because I just don't know what to say. I mean, they're academics and artists and pastors and scientists and teachers and stay-at-home-moms and professional musicians. I don't think I read anything written by people who would be considered my peers, and I suppose that these people whose writing and ideas I appreciate and admire also intimidate me.

Or maybe it's that when I'm reading blogs, it's like I'm in the middle of several good novels, and I can't wait to see what's going to happen next. I've always loved reading, and I usually find myself in the middle of more than one book at a time. One book for home, one for school, one for rainy days, one for sick days, one for when I'm feeling discouraged ... that sort of thing. It's easy to forget that the bloggers are real people like me. I feel like I know them through reading their blogs when I don't in fact know them at all.

Then I wonder what my visitors think of me. One steady reader and occasional visitors. My writing style and my regular topics aren't always incredibly mature. Yes, I am twenty-two years old. I am in graduate school. It consumes my time, but I'm wary of giving too many details about exactly what I do or study. So I write about other things in my life ... crushes, friendships, wonders about the future. For people who are already living out their dreams, it's probably not incredibly exciting to read some college kid's description of experiences they've already had.

So why do I blog? Not because I expect to attract a large audience. Sure, more readers and more comments would be welcome because it's always pleasant to have others acknowledge one's existence. I suppose I like documenting my life. I enjoy looking back years later and laughing at something I'd written, re-experiencing a lovely memory, and gaining insight into my life at a certain age. It's also been therapeutic. I learn more about myself as I explore ways to articulate my thoughts. Even though my writing style on here is rather conversational, my formal writing tone has improved because of how I've learned to organize thoughts and quickly edit my drafts (although I don't proofread this blog as often as I used to when I first began it). I write because I've always enjoyed writing.

So if you're a regular reader or a visitor to this blog, welcome. Hope you enjoy what you read. It's just my life, but you're welcome here.

Saturday evening

Cute Boy never called me ... but ... I had the most wonderful evening! I went to a concert by my favorite musical artist. *sigh* His voice is so beautiful. It seems unreal that I actually got to bask in the warmth of that voice for a few hours. The time passed so quickly. I still have girlish dreams of marrying that man someday. :-)

Driving home tomorrow if weather permits. Can't wait. :-)

UPDATED WEDNESDAY: Cute Boy did email me back on Sunday morning. I got it that night but was too lazy to respond until today. Or last night. I can't remember which. Anyway, if anything develops, I'm sure I'll write more about him.

A boy story

So ... There was a cute guy in the community ensemble of which I was a member ... but he never seemed to notice me.

Well, one of my worst nightmares happened this evening- I FORGOT my music for a PROFESSIONAL gig. There was no way I could return home and retrieve it in time. Somehow my freaking out over this caught the guy's attention. He even helped me staple the photocopies that another kind member made for me at the last minute.

After the concert we chatted a little, and he even chose to sit with one of the college kids and me at the after-party. A few times when I glanced over at Mentor, she winked at me. At one point, I went over to briefly ask her a question (alas, cute boy went to go sit with his other friends shortly after I got up!) and she said to me, "You know, CuteBoy is kinda cute."

I laughed- she hadn't made such a bold comment to me before.

"I noticed," I responded, smiling. "and he's only 25," (I had thought he was older than that) "which puts him in the appropriate age range..."

She leaned in conspiratorily. "I think you should go for it," she whispered. I just smiled and nodded.

Cute boy never left his friends, and the other college kid ended up joining our table for a discussion. Kid also mentioned (without any questioning or prompting) that he thought Cute Boy was interested in me too ...

When Cute Boy was getting ready to go, he came over to thank Mentor and he said goodbye and shook hands with both Kid and me. I'd written out my number but was too shy to just hand it to him. Last time I did that, with CGFC last Spring, did not work out. He did call, but then forgot to call back when he said he would and never returned my message when he didn't call back. Anyway ....

Both Mentor and Kid said, "Aww, Estrella, you missed your chance!" But I had another idea.

Email. Much less intrusive. He can choose to respond or not. I wouldn't be seeing him again otherwise. And I had no other contact information for him. So .... I did send him a little email telling him I was gonna be in town tomorrow (to see my favorite celebrity in concert) and that I was planning on being there a few hours early anyway. If he wanted to hang out, he could give me a call at [my number]. I don't think he's the type to compulsively check his email (like I am) so he may not even get it in time ... but at least the ball's in his court and I made an effort ... and it should be obvious that I expressed some interest.

I'm hoping I won't get another one of those "I thought you were crushing on me" speeches like last month. Stupid whatever-his-blog-alter-ego-was boy. :-)

Aack! The time! Must sleep!

Thoughts on time

When catching up on emails last night, I listened to the Christmas music on my iTunes. When I checked out the "Last Played" feature while listening to certain songs, I was surprised to see that I hadn't heard some of the songs for 2 years. Where was I two years ago when I last listened to that carol? Probably in my dorm room as a first year RA, wearing my duty shirt and listening to carols while waiting to get a duty call requiring me to respond to a loud party or a lockout. What about that other Christmas tune that I hadn't heard since last year? What was going on in my life? I was student-teaching ... and perhaps I'd turned on the Christmas music as I wrote lesson plans or as I tried on my pretty outfit for my conducting debut.

Last year feels like a different life. My undergrad years seem like a distant memory even though that chapter of my life ended in May. Heck, even this summer seems so long ago. Five months ago today, I was celebrating my birthday in Vienna, one day before I checked into my 3-week seminar in Hungary. In seven months, I'll be on choir tour and I'll again be celebrating my birthday in Austria. If everything works out as it's supposed to, I'll also have graduated by that time.

Where will I be a year from now? How will my life have changed by then? December 14, 2008- what will you bring?

Slow Friday

Snowstorm came our way yesterday, leaving half a dozen inches of white fluff. Mentor had asked if Blue and I would be willing to come in and help her calculate grades. Knowing that I am wary of driving in wintry conditions, she picked us up on the way to school. When we arrived, she received an email that had been sent out by the school as we were enroute to the campus stating that the campus would be shutting down for the day due to the weather. Well, it wasn't so bad, and we stayed anyway to assist her. We even got to crash the faculty luncheon- yay for tasty free food!

Last night's dress rehearsal was cancelled so I hung out with two of the other GAs. Claus invited Blue and me over for dinner, drinks and movies ("Elf" & "Polar Express"- the book is sooo much better; I think the movie is kinda creepy). Pleasant quiet evening.

I've been bumming around today. Too lazy to get ready. Need to stop by student accounts. Once again, they neglected to factor my assistantship into next semester's bill. When that happened this semester, we calculated how much I would owe minus the assistantship. They did the math incorrectly, which I didn't realize until they tried to tack on a late fee when the full amount (including what was covered by my assistantship) wasn't paid on time. Then they said it was my fault that it was late, and they acted like they were doing me a favor by removing the late fee when I complained about their mathematical error. When I go in today, I will record the name of the person with whom I speak when I ask them to calculate what I really owe. Sigh.

After I take care of that and other miscellaneous paperwork chores, I've gotta clean my apartment. Do laundry. Write Christmas cards. Pack for home. Make sure my concert dress is clean and not wrinkly. Apply concert makeup. Drive to concert. Sing pretty. Return here to sleep.

Changes

Right after I posted last night, a friend from undergrad (a third year student) called me. I hadn't heard from him since we'd exchanged a few text messages around Thanksgiving.

He dropped out of the degree program. Last week. He said he'd realized it was no longer for him.

Wow.

He was one of the ones who I thought would actually make it through the music education program. I didn't actually see him staying directly in the field for his entire career (i.e. public school teaching), but he'd been so successful when many of his classmates had not.

In my experience at UGSchool as well as what I see here at GradSchool, it's normal for music ed classes to lose many students as the program continues. The class with whom I graduated began with 35+ kids, and about 18 of us graduated together. We were the largest graduating class in a number of years. My friend's former class began with the same amount and I believe they have under a dozen who will be graduating together.

Why does this happen? The program is tough. It's designed to weed out those people who want the ed degree as a backup if their performance career doesn't work out. The program is also challenging enough that people who don't have the necessary skills to teach music don't make it through. The piano exams tend to eliminate many this way. So many hoops to jump through, and if you don't jump high enough, you don't make it.

I was shocked when my friend said that he simply realized he didn't want to do this anymore and that he'd felt that way for a long time. Apparently he'd been too scared to do anything about it. I'm afraid that he burned out because he'd been so involved with a number of outside but related activities this semester (internships, assistantships), but I didn't tell him that. Instead, I told him that he was brave for making such a big change and that I supported him because I'm sure it had been difficult. He's not quite sure what he'll do next, but he's been unable to sleep at night because he's been excitedly considering all the possibilities out there for him.

To make a life change like that is tough. I can't even imagine it. Starting something as huge as a degree program and deciding more than halfway through it that I could no longer commit to it. One of my other friends from undergrad did that. After his first year at UGSchool, he transferred to a prestigious music program elsewhere. He loves it. I was really jealous at first because I was dissatisfied with the same things in our program as he was. It never occurred to me to actually consider leaving. As things turned out, I believe I was still more successful at UGSchool than I would have been elsewhere because I learned so much from opportunities exclusively available at UGSchool. At GradSchool, I'm now learning things that my friend is learning in his undergraduate program at prestigious school, but I have a better foundation in many other areas than he has, thanks to UGSchool program. He's specializing in the field without all of the background material, and I've gotten both. We're both happy with what we're learning and I believe we'll both be successful ... even if his school name likely carries more weight in our field.

Enough random thoughts. Must go prepare for finals.

Finals Week Madness!

No more classes (yay!), both parts of one final are done (yay!), and Godwilling I'll be home in less than a week!

On my radar this week:

TOMORROW
*Both parts of a final for another class
*Essay/paper for another final due tomorrow
*Teach private lesson
*GA outing (possibly dinner, cruising around town to check out Christmas lights, and likely wine and pie afterwards)

LATER ON
*Finish data entry for a prof
*Shopping & concert dress rehearsal
*Concert (in which I'm singing!)
*Concert (by my favorite pop star!!! I've been in love with him since high school!)
*Church
*Lots of cleaning
*Other errands


Also - I saw an ad on Craigslist. I might go caroling next week in HometownCity. Yay! I've just gotta call the choir's director and sing for him over the phone. So ... I better drink some orange juice and go to sleep so that my voice will actually work tomorrow!

Perfect Saturday

Slept in. Baked cookies. Cookies were actually better than the raw cookie dough. Devoured too many cookies but had milk (calcium=good for you) so the "meal" could be justified as healthy. Or at least that's what I told myself. I watched silly romantic holiday themed movies on Lifetime. I assembled Christmas gifts ... or at least as much as I could without having sufficient ribbon.

I'm almost on my way out the door to stop by the school to help out a classmate. From there, I'll drive over to the huge store to pick up more ribbon, orange juice, and other goodies. Then maybe I'll take my roommate out for BreakUp Drinks. Or maybe I'll write Christmas cards. Hmm.

The romanticism of a romantic composer

The other evening, I dined out with friends and some faculty members. At one point during the meal, the composer Schumann was mentioned. The musicology professor (who has a great sense of humor) then shared an intriguing tidbit.

"You know," he said, eyes twinkling, "that whenever Schumann and his wife made love, Schumann recorded it with a sixteenth note in his diary."

PartnersInCrime and I exchanged amused glances while the professor continued.

"They say that he chose a sixteenth note because it resembles the letter 'F' and ... well, you know what that stands for."

PsIC and I tried to keep from giggling as we again furtively stole glances at one another.

The professor concluded in a mockingly serious tone, "So many people think that being a musicologist is a boring job. They really have no idea what we actually study."

Sigh of relief

Blue and I agreed: From here on out (for this semster anyway), it should be smooth sailing!

A few minor assignments for one class, 1 paper in lieu of a final, 1 regular final, 1 conducting demonstration, 1 teaching demonstration. That's it! Even better? All of it will take place by Wednesday ... which means that (hopefully!) I'll have free time to relax, clean my room, do laundry, cook, wrap Christmas gifts, write Christmas cards ... before I go home for the holidays the following Sunday.

Other things I'm happily anticipating (besides going home):
*Concert by my favorite musical artist (!)
*Parties at two professors' houses for the student organizations they sponsor
*Christmas caroling!
*Driving to see the Christmas lights in town
*Having time to read!
*More sleep
*Flying to BestFriend's HomeState to see her, her husband, and mutual friends over New Year's (she offered to pay half my plane ticket and I already had a discount voucher for the airlines, so ... it worked out wonderfully!)

And now? Sweet dreams. :-)

Waiting for pressure

Last week, OverachieverGA (I give him this nickname lovingly because we really are friends) comes bounding into our class.

OGA (teasing): Guess what Estrella?
Me (mockingly bright): What, OGA?
OGA: Nine pages.
Me: What are you talking about?
OGA (waves paper in my face): The project that's due next week for this class, that's what I'm talking about.
Me: I see.
(pause)
Me: Well, I think PartnersInCrime and I will probably be having a party the night before it's due. We don't have time this week or this weekend because of all our concerts.
OGA: (laughs)
Me: You're invited if you want ... even if you've already finished!


A few days later, Professor of class for which project was assigned approaches Blue and me.
Prof: Have you guys finished your project yet?
(We looked sheepishly at one another.)
Me: No, not yet.
Prof (possibly teasing but not totally readable): Have you started?
(Another sheepish glance is shared.)
Blue: Not quite.


Yesterday in the hallway, Prof approaches me.
Prof: Estrella, have you completed the project?
Me: No, I'm still working on it.
Prof (not teasing but unreadable): Please don't pull an all-nighter.
Me: (silently cursing OGA for spilling the beans about the party PartnersInCrime and I had planned)


Well, I did hang out at PIC's apartment to work on the project (because I can't concentrate on my own!) for a few hours last night. I did manage to finish the assignment AND got several hours of sleep. Unfortunately, one of my eyes keeps tearing up, so I probably appear as though I didn't sleep. That's what I get for wearing too much concealer in an attempt to cover the darkness under my eyes from not getting enough sleep since Thanksgiving! Time to print out the assignment and get more caffeine!


Updated after class:
Prof: So did anyone pull an all-nighter last night to get this project done?
All students: Nope!
Prof: ... cuz that's what I would have done. (smiles)
Me: Oh, so that's why you told me not to do that!

Frazzled but surprisingly peaceful

The weekend flew! I can hardly believe that the major milestone of the concert weekend is now over. Now, in the next 2 weeks, I get to look forward to 3 finals, 1 quiz, and 2 major assignments. I can definitely survive that. As long as I am careful about my cookie dough and caffeine intake. It probably didn't help that Blue and I each devoured a frozen pizza this evening. (So unhealthy ... but so delicious. So what if it contained 37% of my suggested daily intake for saturated fat? *gulp* I can justify it partly because it contained 25% calcium and some vitamin A ... and protein ... and something else ... oh, iron.)

Ugh, I'm so exhausted after this weekend that my thoughts aren't even making sense to me and my fingers keep typing the wrong words. I keep having to backspace to form some sort of coherent thread through this entry. I think I need a glass of water ("pizza thirst") and sleep. 'Night.