*I started dancing in the grocery store the other day when this song began playing. I recall learning the rap while hanging out at my best friend's house in 5th grade ... and I remember rushing home from school to watch TRL or VH1 to watch the popular videos of the week.
*The weather has actually felt like Springtime lately ... which is amazing to me because I didn't expect that this area could ever be warm after this winter. The sun has been out most days this week, and I took advantage of the opportunity to break out some dresses and skirts!
*I got free groceries the other night! One of the organizations serves dinner at meetings because it's during the dinner hour. It's reserved for kids with meal plans ... but a lot of people apparently didn't eat much ... Even though I don't have a meal plan, I got to take home a whole loaf of bread and lots of lunch meat. Both items were on my grocery list for that evening. I was pretty excited that this gift saved me at least $5. :-)
Next few days/two weeks are killer ... and even though I'm pretty forward to crossing things off of my To-Do list, I'm eagerly anticipating the actual doing of some of the things on that list ... Concert and two recitals (one of which is mine) this weekend ... How blessed am I to have the opportunity to make beautiful music! I'll try to keep repeating that to myself every time I get stressed over the next few weeks, and hopefully it will help!
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Music is a magic beyond all that we do here*
You know that scene in Harry Potter when the young Harry Potter, newly cognizant of his magical powers, goes to buy his wand? The wizened wand-granting wizard tells him, "It isn't the wizard who chooses the wand. The wand chooses the wizard."
That's how I felt this weekend when I decided to buy a new baton. I've used the same one for 3 years now, and it was simply one of many which my undergraduate professor had purchased in bulk for our introductory conducting class.
I decided that, as a graduate student in my field, I ought to buy a customized baton for myself, as a sort of early graduation gift ... something incredibly special and meaningful to mark my progress in my education thus far. The one I've used has been a faithful companion, but I decided I deserved one that really fit me as an individual- length, material, weight, etc.
I picked up a pretty one with a flatter rosewood handle when I first went to the vendor. I preferred it to the others, more because of the beautiful color than the weight. (Oak and some zebra-patterned wood were lighter and possibly more suited for my chosen field, and a less-pretty dark wood was heavier.) At the encouragement of the salesperson, I tried the others (they were all the same price) but I just didn't like the colors, and the oak felt too light, as though I were simply holding air. The dark wood was too heavy, and I imagined that I felt it bringing my whole arm down.
I wandered to another part of the vendor where the batons had the same types of wood for the handles, but these handles were in a bulb-like shape. I picked up the oak and conducted passages from some of my repertoire. Still too light.
The moment I touched the rosewood, bulb-shaped handle baton, my hand instinctively knew. I half-expected sparks to fly out of the tip or for a miraculous light to appear when I caressed the silent melody in the air with the baton. I went back to the others, just to test them, to make sure that I wasn't basing my decision on what I found to be simply more visually appealing, but somehow I couldn't shake the feeling that that particular wand (ahem, baton) was intended for me.
So I splurged and bought that baton along with a nice little canvas carrying case as my current dinky plastic case is cracked and the end pieces for the tube keep falling off. I would have loved to invest in a lovely wooden case, but $80+ was out of my price range ... and I don't have the degree (or an income from a real job) yet. :-)
Silly note: Sometimes when I'm conducting, especially when the music is of a light, detached nature, I imagine the "Swish and flick" wand technique when the students are trying to cast the Wingardium leviosa spell to make objects levitate. It makes me smile every time. :)
*Title is a quote of Dumbledore's. :-)
That's how I felt this weekend when I decided to buy a new baton. I've used the same one for 3 years now, and it was simply one of many which my undergraduate professor had purchased in bulk for our introductory conducting class.
I decided that, as a graduate student in my field, I ought to buy a customized baton for myself, as a sort of early graduation gift ... something incredibly special and meaningful to mark my progress in my education thus far. The one I've used has been a faithful companion, but I decided I deserved one that really fit me as an individual- length, material, weight, etc.
I picked up a pretty one with a flatter rosewood handle when I first went to the vendor. I preferred it to the others, more because of the beautiful color than the weight. (Oak and some zebra-patterned wood were lighter and possibly more suited for my chosen field, and a less-pretty dark wood was heavier.) At the encouragement of the salesperson, I tried the others (they were all the same price) but I just didn't like the colors, and the oak felt too light, as though I were simply holding air. The dark wood was too heavy, and I imagined that I felt it bringing my whole arm down.
I wandered to another part of the vendor where the batons had the same types of wood for the handles, but these handles were in a bulb-like shape. I picked up the oak and conducted passages from some of my repertoire. Still too light.
The moment I touched the rosewood, bulb-shaped handle baton, my hand instinctively knew. I half-expected sparks to fly out of the tip or for a miraculous light to appear when I caressed the silent melody in the air with the baton. I went back to the others, just to test them, to make sure that I wasn't basing my decision on what I found to be simply more visually appealing, but somehow I couldn't shake the feeling that that particular wand (ahem, baton) was intended for me.
So I splurged and bought that baton along with a nice little canvas carrying case as my current dinky plastic case is cracked and the end pieces for the tube keep falling off. I would have loved to invest in a lovely wooden case, but $80+ was out of my price range ... and I don't have the degree (or an income from a real job) yet. :-)
Silly note: Sometimes when I'm conducting, especially when the music is of a light, detached nature, I imagine the "Swish and flick" wand technique when the students are trying to cast the Wingardium leviosa spell to make objects levitate. It makes me smile every time. :)
*Title is a quote of Dumbledore's. :-)
Back from the last conference of the semester
There were some mishaps. Somehow I forgot to bring the pants to one of my suits (how I did this, I don't know ... I always forget something, but in the past it's been simple like a bathing suit for the hotel jacuzzi or pajamas ... not half a suit!). Then ... I ended up having to wait for and give a ride to one of the undergraduates who was in an extremely happy state after beverages consumed at the after-party.
Overall, the conference was wonderful ... Highlights included:
*Hanging out with AlmaMater buddies (our fifth conference together for this organization!)
*Celebrating a friend's birthday by dressing up for a special dinner
*Learning from some incredible sessions and lectures (which made me proud of where I came from, AlmaMater, and where I am, GradSchool)
*Attending a fancy party
*Seeing and chatting with former professors and mentors
*Realizing that I knew MANY people there (yay connections!)
Now it's "work work work time" ... because the next 2 weeks include: end-of-semester assignments, papers, score analysis, orals, 2 concerts, 2 recitals (one of which is mine) ... and I'm sure there's more that I can't remember at the moment. So ... posting will most likely be rare for awhile!
Overall, the conference was wonderful ... Highlights included:
*Hanging out with AlmaMater buddies (our fifth conference together for this organization!)
*Celebrating a friend's birthday by dressing up for a special dinner
*Learning from some incredible sessions and lectures (which made me proud of where I came from, AlmaMater, and where I am, GradSchool)
*Attending a fancy party
*Seeing and chatting with former professors and mentors
*Realizing that I knew MANY people there (yay connections!)
Now it's "work work work time" ... because the next 2 weeks include: end-of-semester assignments, papers, score analysis, orals, 2 concerts, 2 recitals (one of which is mine) ... and I'm sure there's more that I can't remember at the moment. So ... posting will most likely be rare for awhile!
Monday, April 14, 2008
The End is Near
I mailed out my first job application today. I wasn't pleased to simply send the materials in a manila envelope by themselves. I had to drive to the supersized department store (as there are no office stores in town) to procure a "portfolio" folder in which to put them and an envelope to fit the folder. I use the "" because the folder had clasps to secure hole-punched documents. Not quite so professional, but this is a small town, and it was the best they had. Eh. The plus side is that I got it in the colors of the school district website. (What a nerd I am ... *sigh*)
I also just pressed "send" on the email to the faculty members requesting my oral exam time! The next 2.5 weeks are going to kick my @$$ but I'm still hopeful that I can do it. All that's left? a To-Do list 22" long (handwritten) ... conference, recital, concert, memorization, papers, scores, etc ... but I'll try not to think about all of that right now. I will take a deep breath and just do what I need to do ... which right now involves attending a meeting. Eh.
I also just pressed "send" on the email to the faculty members requesting my oral exam time! The next 2.5 weeks are going to kick my @$$ but I'm still hopeful that I can do it. All that's left? a To-Do list 22" long (handwritten) ... conference, recital, concert, memorization, papers, scores, etc ... but I'll try not to think about all of that right now. I will take a deep breath and just do what I need to do ... which right now involves attending a meeting. Eh.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Reflections on a "fluke" year
As I sit here enjoying some relaxation time after finishing up a dress rehearsal for upcoming musical performances (with music from this evening still ringing in my mind) ... I can't help but feel incredibly grateful.
I've gotten to participate in the creation of so many glorious musical experiences this year. My musical soul has been nourished time and again through the music I've heard or performed.
In more ways than I previously realized, this year is exactly what I needed. My primary goal for choosing this path was to improve my skills so that I would be a more effective teacher. While I certainly have improved (it's easy to improve when you're pretty rough at first!) ... I've gained so much more from this experience.
I think a large part of what I've picked up this year is simply confidence. I still seek approval too often, but I recognize that I do have ideas and talent to contribute. I have more instinct than I would have realized ... I say instinct rather than knowledge because it's not so much a conscious realization of what I'm doing as it is that things just seem to happen in the way in which I intend. Or ... what I do yields the results I expect and desire.
In addition to confidence ... something which I believe to be far more important ... is that through these myriad musical experiences, I re-gained that which had been slowly broken down during my undergraduate years: a love for what I do. I don't blame anyone (or anything) for what happened during my time at UndergradSchool, but I continue to recognize each day that this year has really restored my love for this art/medium/profession.
I hadn't intended to go to GradSchool, not this one or any other, so soon. Even when I applied and auditioned here, I didn't actually expect I'd be here a year later. I used to tell people it was a fluke decision for me ... but I know truly that it wasn't a fluke or a series of coincidences. God really knew what He was doing when He nudged me in this direction. I've got to work on my relationship with Him because I haven't been as open lately for Him to work in my life and point me in the direction I need to take next. At present, though, I can simply reflect and thank Him for blessing me with so many moving musical experiences and lessons (from this "fluke year") which will stay with me forever.
I've gotten to participate in the creation of so many glorious musical experiences this year. My musical soul has been nourished time and again through the music I've heard or performed.
In more ways than I previously realized, this year is exactly what I needed. My primary goal for choosing this path was to improve my skills so that I would be a more effective teacher. While I certainly have improved (it's easy to improve when you're pretty rough at first!) ... I've gained so much more from this experience.
I think a large part of what I've picked up this year is simply confidence. I still seek approval too often, but I recognize that I do have ideas and talent to contribute. I have more instinct than I would have realized ... I say instinct rather than knowledge because it's not so much a conscious realization of what I'm doing as it is that things just seem to happen in the way in which I intend. Or ... what I do yields the results I expect and desire.
In addition to confidence ... something which I believe to be far more important ... is that through these myriad musical experiences, I re-gained that which had been slowly broken down during my undergraduate years: a love for what I do. I don't blame anyone (or anything) for what happened during my time at UndergradSchool, but I continue to recognize each day that this year has really restored my love for this art/medium/profession.
I hadn't intended to go to GradSchool, not this one or any other, so soon. Even when I applied and auditioned here, I didn't actually expect I'd be here a year later. I used to tell people it was a fluke decision for me ... but I know truly that it wasn't a fluke or a series of coincidences. God really knew what He was doing when He nudged me in this direction. I've got to work on my relationship with Him because I haven't been as open lately for Him to work in my life and point me in the direction I need to take next. At present, though, I can simply reflect and thank Him for blessing me with so many moving musical experiences and lessons (from this "fluke year") which will stay with me forever.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
One year ago today ...
I auditioned/interviewed here at GradSchool.
I came here for the experience of doing those things. I hadn't actually expected that I would be offered the assistantship or that I would actually be here. What a difference a year has made. It baffles me to think about all that has happened since then ... and I can only wonder where I will be a year from now.
Hmm. :-)
I came here for the experience of doing those things. I hadn't actually expected that I would be offered the assistantship or that I would actually be here. What a difference a year has made. It baffles me to think about all that has happened since then ... and I can only wonder where I will be a year from now.
Hmm. :-)
I graduate next month
It didn't occur to me until yesterday that I had not received any information regarding commencement at all.
Apparently I was added to the mailing list, but I simply didn't receive anything.
If I hadn't caught it in time, I might not be walking. Granted, I don't really want to walk. At AlmaMater, it was different. I'd put in 4 years there, and I was graduating with my friends. Our Music School ceremony was lovely and intimate. Our dean read short biographical paragraphs of each of the graduates. (People applauded when he'd finished reading mine!)
Here, none of my other grad student friends will be graduating with me. I'm the first of the bunch. I suppose I'm going to the ceremony because it provides some closure to this year ... and ... it'll make my parents happy. Even though they're not the ones shelling out $50 for the special outfit I've got to get from the bookstore ... and I've paid for this entire degree with my savings. Which is pretty much dried up at this point. Eh. I might have to try to find a job this summer so that I can pay for choir tours and living expenses before I start a real job in the fall. Eh.
UPDATED: Aack! Re-reading this entry a few hours after I originally posted it, I realize I sound rather grumpy about this! I'm pleased, I'm excited ... but the whole reality of my upcoming graduation simply hasn't dawned on me. As I was telling my private teacher earlier today, I feel like I'm juggling everything, and if I don't focus on each new thing as it hurtles from the sky, all the balls will drop. I can only focus on the "now" ... and not next month ... if I want to maintain this balance. Regarding money matters ... well ... at least I'll qualify for a higher starting salary ... and this degree has been significantly cheaper than my undergraduate degree. I'll be paying off those loans for quite a while, and at least I didn't have to take out more loans for this degree!
Apparently I was added to the mailing list, but I simply didn't receive anything.
If I hadn't caught it in time, I might not be walking. Granted, I don't really want to walk. At AlmaMater, it was different. I'd put in 4 years there, and I was graduating with my friends. Our Music School ceremony was lovely and intimate. Our dean read short biographical paragraphs of each of the graduates. (People applauded when he'd finished reading mine!)
Here, none of my other grad student friends will be graduating with me. I'm the first of the bunch. I suppose I'm going to the ceremony because it provides some closure to this year ... and ... it'll make my parents happy. Even though they're not the ones shelling out $50 for the special outfit I've got to get from the bookstore ... and I've paid for this entire degree with my savings. Which is pretty much dried up at this point. Eh. I might have to try to find a job this summer so that I can pay for choir tours and living expenses before I start a real job in the fall. Eh.
UPDATED: Aack! Re-reading this entry a few hours after I originally posted it, I realize I sound rather grumpy about this! I'm pleased, I'm excited ... but the whole reality of my upcoming graduation simply hasn't dawned on me. As I was telling my private teacher earlier today, I feel like I'm juggling everything, and if I don't focus on each new thing as it hurtles from the sky, all the balls will drop. I can only focus on the "now" ... and not next month ... if I want to maintain this balance. Regarding money matters ... well ... at least I'll qualify for a higher starting salary ... and this degree has been significantly cheaper than my undergraduate degree. I'll be paying off those loans for quite a while, and at least I didn't have to take out more loans for this degree!
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Magic words
I didn't expect to feel this way. Not so soon. Time-wise, we haven't been together all that long. When I think about it from a completely intellectual perspective, I think I must be crazy ... but when I focus on how my heart feels, I know that it's completely right.
I think I allowed myself to realize it, to really know when Westley said that he felt "utterly devoted" to me. When we exchanged the magic words (they really are magical; they're so sacred that we can only whisper them, like we're caressing an extremely fragile treasure every time we breathe those words), I knew we both meant them. He, who has admitted he's never been in love before, spoke them first.
*sigh* Savoring the present as much as possible ... and trying not to consider the bittersweet nature of it all ... and trying not to think about my upcoming graduation and subsequent moving away from this area, while he'll still be here for 2 more years.
I think I allowed myself to realize it, to really know when Westley said that he felt "utterly devoted" to me. When we exchanged the magic words (they really are magical; they're so sacred that we can only whisper them, like we're caressing an extremely fragile treasure every time we breathe those words), I knew we both meant them. He, who has admitted he's never been in love before, spoke them first.
*sigh* Savoring the present as much as possible ... and trying not to consider the bittersweet nature of it all ... and trying not to think about my upcoming graduation and subsequent moving away from this area, while he'll still be here for 2 more years.
Saturday, April 05, 2008
I am such a bum
It's past the middle of the day and I'm still in my pajamas. :)
All I really want to do is curl up with junk food and Lifetime movies and maybe a Jane Austen novel because I'm feeling sooo incredibly lazy.
But ... as soon as I press the "Publish post" button, I'll drag my lazy self into the shower to get ready so that I can attend a classmate's recital.
*pause* I've been staring at that sentence for a few moments now. Must. Get. Ready. :)
All I really want to do is curl up with junk food and Lifetime movies and maybe a Jane Austen novel because I'm feeling sooo incredibly lazy.
But ... as soon as I press the "Publish post" button, I'll drag my lazy self into the shower to get ready so that I can attend a classmate's recital.
*pause* I've been staring at that sentence for a few moments now. Must. Get. Ready. :)
Friday, April 04, 2008
Perhaps I'm not destined to be a starving musician after all
I'm thrilled (and quite giddy!) because my name has been passed along to influential people at a potential workplace. They haven't even announced that there will be an opening, and they're already on the lookout for my resume! Even better? A former colleague and a person on the inside will both proof my documents before I officially submit them to the workplace. Former colleague believes that this will, at the very least, secure me an interview. Partly because I look darn good on paper and partly because former colleague's recommendation (the workplace wanted only one name!) speaks volumes. Sweet! I might actually get a job after I graduate! :-)
Thursday, April 03, 2008
There are places I'll remember all my life ...
... though some have changed. Some forever, not for better ... some have gone, and some remain.
Returning to CoolCity was refreshing and comforting. It had been nearly half a year since my last visit, and somehow it seemed as though much less time had passed. Things have changed, people have changed ... but it still felt like home.
A new building on AlmaMater's campus opened ... and it felt strange that I didn't even know the new location of my campus bookstore. Walking down the hallways of the Music School ... felt ... well ... more familiar than I expected, even though memories of my friends and my time there have already begun to fade.
It was good to see old friends ... On Saturday, I met up with an RA friend and another of our mutual friends. We haven't been too great at keeping in touch, but it seemed like hardly any time had passed since we'd seen each other in October. I suppose shopping at discount clothing stores and the mall brings people together. :)
On Sunday morning, I went to my former church. I'd really missed being there over Easter, because the worship experience is very special there. It was wonderful to see people there too ... and ... one of their upcoming anthems is one of my all-time favorite choral works. (This was the best of the few recordings I found on YouTube, but my favorite recording is by the Singing Sergeants, a professional military choir.) I've listened to many recordings, but I've never actually sung the piece. On Sunday, we sightread through it so that they're more prepared to work on it next week. *sigh of contentment*
After church, I met another CoolCity friend for lunch before joining up with my grad school colleagues. The rest of the trip went very well. I had CoolCity friends (from AlmaMater and elsewhere) in attendance at each of our concerts ... and it meant so much to me to have people there in the audience for me. My parents and friends have not been to a single concert at grad school this year, and it was incredibly meaningful for me to be able to share what I'm doing with people who've known me longer than just this year.
Westley's parents also came to a performance ... and then we went out to dinner afterwards. I was admittedly a bit nervous about meeting them, but my anxiety evaporated as soon as I met his mother. I was shy and didn't say very much, but he assured me later that she'd really liked me. :) (Apparently, she asked how soon I'd be coming to visit them at their home!)
Off now to go write a cover letter to pair with my resume for a possible job (!) and to write a thank you note to Westley's parents for treating us to dinner. I can't believe it's already April!
Returning to CoolCity was refreshing and comforting. It had been nearly half a year since my last visit, and somehow it seemed as though much less time had passed. Things have changed, people have changed ... but it still felt like home.
A new building on AlmaMater's campus opened ... and it felt strange that I didn't even know the new location of my campus bookstore. Walking down the hallways of the Music School ... felt ... well ... more familiar than I expected, even though memories of my friends and my time there have already begun to fade.
It was good to see old friends ... On Saturday, I met up with an RA friend and another of our mutual friends. We haven't been too great at keeping in touch, but it seemed like hardly any time had passed since we'd seen each other in October. I suppose shopping at discount clothing stores and the mall brings people together. :)
On Sunday morning, I went to my former church. I'd really missed being there over Easter, because the worship experience is very special there. It was wonderful to see people there too ... and ... one of their upcoming anthems is one of my all-time favorite choral works. (This was the best of the few recordings I found on YouTube, but my favorite recording is by the Singing Sergeants, a professional military choir.) I've listened to many recordings, but I've never actually sung the piece. On Sunday, we sightread through it so that they're more prepared to work on it next week. *sigh of contentment*
After church, I met another CoolCity friend for lunch before joining up with my grad school colleagues. The rest of the trip went very well. I had CoolCity friends (from AlmaMater and elsewhere) in attendance at each of our concerts ... and it meant so much to me to have people there in the audience for me. My parents and friends have not been to a single concert at grad school this year, and it was incredibly meaningful for me to be able to share what I'm doing with people who've known me longer than just this year.
Westley's parents also came to a performance ... and then we went out to dinner afterwards. I was admittedly a bit nervous about meeting them, but my anxiety evaporated as soon as I met his mother. I was shy and didn't say very much, but he assured me later that she'd really liked me. :) (Apparently, she asked how soon I'd be coming to visit them at their home!)
Off now to go write a cover letter to pair with my resume for a possible job (!) and to write a thank you note to Westley's parents for treating us to dinner. I can't believe it's already April!
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