As I anticipated the start of this semester, I found myself saying, "I should be graduating in May," not "I will be graduating in May." Knowing that I am technically taking more credits than I'm permitted to take (thanks to professors who are allowing me to audit classes), I'm nervous that I won't be able to do it all. I'm afraid of failure, and I keep joking about hoping to survive this semester.
Yesterday was a deceptively easy day because the office hasn't informed us peons of when our scheduled duty hours are. (Just kidding about the peons part. They do treat us well, and only once has a professor treated me condescendingly.)
Somehow I feel more confident now that while this semester will likely have its "Why did I get myself into this chaos?!" moments, I will enjoy the next few months. When I made music with the other members of my ensemble yesterday for the first time in several weeks, I was reminded that this is where I belong. This is why I chose this profession. If I can freely engage my heart and entire being when I make music, there can be no doubt. I will survive.
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