A smile from the heart

Today is a Rudolph Day. When I get a head cold or have allergies, my nose gets all red and shiny. You can make the connection. :-) My stories from the past week will hopefully be written in the near future ... but before I take a NyQuil and go to bed, I just wanted to post about tonight:

Even when my head was fuzzy and it was difficult for me to think clearly, somehow tonight's rehearsal on my piece was absolutely beautiful. This was the first time we sang all the way through the piece. For their part, they worked very hard ... and it paid off. The song is incredibly warm and deep, and their tone reflected that. For my part, I was able to focus on them without really having to look at my music at all ... and I responded from my heart to what I heard from them ... and I was able to conduct them accordingly. There were a few foibles here and there ... but I couldn't bring myself to break the magic of the spell, to stop the singing and correct the little issues. Some of their faces ... oh, so lovely. They were emoting ... really feeling the song ... and I wasn't going to interrupt that. I've been there as a singer. The moment when you're so totally into singing something, not just with your voice, but with your whole being. It's such a rude interruption when that magic is stopped ... it's difficult to trust the conductor enough to let go and sing like that again, without fearing that you'll be stopped for another insignificant error and the spell will be broken again.

So I made note of the minor issues so that I can address them next week ... and I relished my opportunity to guide a choir to that special place that only true singers know, where music and lyrics and soul unite. I thought before this school year that I wasn't a real conductor; I was simply studying this aspect of musicianship so that I'd have the skills more firmly established when I teach. Tonight has shown me that I am indeed a conductor. It may not be the path I follow all of my career ... but ... the potential is really there. I can do this ... and my heart is in this too.