Nearly 13/16 done

8 semesters. 16 half-semesters. I'll be moving on to my second student-teaching placement next week. Even though my friends in regular classes have had their course midterms, this week is the turning point for me. (Of course, I'm not counting the extra 2+ weeks that I'll be at this placement ... nor am I counting the days when I have school but my MySchool friends won't -- i.e. Thanksgiving Break.)

Still ... this is it. I'm getting observed tomorrow again. The half-hour lesson with my 3 squirrelly but still talented violinists. Tomorrow, I'm supposed to demonstrate to my prof that I can actually model on the instrument (and not just model the easy way- with my voice). :-) After writing this, I should probably go practice for that!

I miss practicing. I never thought I'd say that. I went to a concert the other night at which my private teacher (from pre-student-teaching days, because we're not allowed to take private lessons while student-teaching) performed. She was outstanding. Watching and hearing her made me want to practice. It also made me realize how frustrated she must have been with me as her student. Especially last semester. I was being pulled in far too many directions, most beyond my control, and my lessons suffered the most. My grade, a B, reflected that. (I've gotten B+'s in college, but never below that. In fact, I don't even remember the last time I earned below a B+ ... even in high school. *thinks some more* Oh wait, I do: I earned 85% in gym class my freshman year because I walked most of the mile run, lacking the proper endurance, and ended up failing that portion of my final. Thank you, exercise-induced asthma -- or laziness.)

Back to my private teacher: She told me that I should have been a performance major because my starting instrument was better than many performance majors'. And- I was bright. Instead, I chose Education-- because I never had the confidence for performance. I might have had the drive to do well if I weren't so freaked out about others hearing me when I practice. I'm not sure that I have the heart ... although when I do perform in small areas, my ego does appreciate the nods and compliments I receive. *shy smile*

What a disappointment I must have been to her. Making excuses here and there, some more legitimate than others. ("My ensemble director is killing my technique by forcing me to perform one way, and I have to spend more time in ensemble than in private lessons." "All these 1 credit classes, 1 credit- in print only because the workload is really more appropriate for a 3-credit course, suck up my time so that I don't have the energy left to practice if I want to maintain my health by getting sleep and maintain my sanity too" etc. ) *shakes head sadly*

Maybe I should go practice tomorrow. Whip my chops back into shape. So that I haven't backtracked from where I was last Spring and this Summer, and so that the next time I'm able to take a lesson from her, I'll deserve it.