Delaying parts of the real world

One of the dreams which accompanied the job search was total independence- getting my own place (NO roommates after the numerous issues I had with the randomly assigned roommates last year), decorating it with items acquired from yard sales and IKEA, and starting anew.

Checking out information online about the available apartments in the area was a bit of an eye-opener. Even a single bedroom apartment is about a grand per month, much higher than I'd expected.

Because the new job is within commuting distance of my parents' home, my mother has been trying to convince me that I ought to commute for awhile.

"Just think- much lower rent with laundry service and groceries included!" She has told me.

Even with the price of gas, the monthly commute comes out to 20% of the rent per month I mentioned above. Adding minimal rent (paid to my parents) to that, plus the once-a-month drive to see Westley, may push up the cost of expenses to only half of what I'd be paying otherwise. In fact, my mother is now taking it for granted that I'll just live here, telling me that I shouldn't even consider looking for a new place until after the New Year.

Economically, it makes sense to do that, and it should enable me to 1) pay off college loans more quickly and 2) save more money. Even though I'm disappointed that I won't be getting my own place right away, I recognize it's smarter to start out this way. Besides, once I do move out on my own, there's no moving back into the nest. I'm lucky that I have a pretty good relationship with my parents.

I did tell my mother that she and my father have to decide exactly what I'll need to pay (because they've neglected to have this conversation thus far in spite of my requests), and I said I'd like to establish guidelines, a contract of sorts, for these living arrangements. That is, I don't want to always have to call home to let them know that I've arrived at my destination or to let them know when I'm on my way home. In my five years of schooling in another state, I am no longer accustomed to being accountable to them in that way, and I want to be treated like the adult I have become. I am the oldest child, and therefore, they have always been more guarded with me and I have had to push for more freedom than my younger siblings. I took on more responsibilities- financial and otherwise- than my siblings at their respective ages. In spite of my efforts, because I'm their child, my parents refuse to recognize sometimes that I'm not a child anymore.

The next few months will be a learning experience for everyone involved. I'm hoping that my mom is right- that this choice to commute from their home will be less stressful because I won't have to worry about my own place and doing everything completely on my own. I'm hopeful that there won't be constant interruptions as there have been this summer. There's always so much commotion that it's extremely difficult to concentrate at times. Even writing this post has taken significantly longer than it should because of countless distractions (conversations, phone calls, oldies radio station blaring, etc.). If I were actually trying to work (i.e. write lesson plans, study repertoire, etc.), I think I'd find it impossible. That concerns me.

I'll take a deep breath, pray for serenity, and hope that all goes well.