1 week till Christmas, 9 days till my wedding

When my principal remarked to me at my colleague's concert last night that I seemed surprisingly calm, I told him that I think it's because the reality of everything going on hasn't dawned upon me yet.

I believe I'm surviving day by day.

Informational meetings for the school musical were last week. For last year's musical, we had a cast of about 40. We had 70 kids signed up to attend the informational meetings. 100 showed up. Wow. When we came into the hall for the first of the two meetings and had 50+ kids waiting for us, my friend, colleague (bridesmaid) and co-director (she's all of these) and I looked at each other in shock.

We taught the kids the audition song, gave them the audition dialogue, and talked a lot about our expectations (stressing the time commitment and our attendance policy). This past week, we spent 8 hours after school over the course of two days listening to about 70+ of those kids audition. We posted the Callbacks list yesterday. We'll spend at least another 4 hours after school next Tuesday listening to Callbacks.

My school concert was last week. Unlike last year, when I was obsessing over every little detail for my very first Winter Concert, I was more calm. I trusted that everything would work out, and it did. Although I still had a significant amount of stress (which was, regrettably, taken out a little on some of my more behaviorally-challenged classes), things went pretty well. My kids sang well (their voices are developing beautifully), and they're so much more my own this year. I was pleased. There were a few glitches, but nothing earth-shattering. (The power had gone out at our Spring concert, and none of the glitches came close to that.)

We met with the restaurant (reception venue) last week ... and most of those details are ironed out. Sadly, my wedding is the last event that the restaurant will host. Their income has been declining, and they are closing after 60+ years of service. They've assured us that they will go out with grace and elegance, and they are planning to make their final wedding reception (mine) as perfect as they possibly can.

I had my 2nd dress fitting yesterday. I stood there in my dress which finally fit (I'd bought it off of the sales rack in the store, as-is, and it was several sizes larger than I am) ... and I remember thinking to myself, Hmm. I'm really getting married in 10 days. This is my wedding dress. The next time I wear it, I'll be getting married. Hmmm. Obviously, it hasn't quite hit me that I'M REALLY GETTING MARRIED. I keep expecting to have this brilliant light go off above my head (ahhh ... mental clarity, realization) and hear some grand choral work in the distance, heralding my upcoming wedding. Although I excitedly tell people the number of days left when they ask, I'm not in the "I'm the BRIDE!" mode yet. (By that, I don't mean Bridezilla or anything ... but I totally just don't feel like THE BRIDE when I'm teaching my quirky adolescents.)

So ... Christmas is in a week. I have most of my gifts, but I may have to join the crazies and go shopping next week in all my spare time. We have school on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Kids will be bonkers. I will be bonkers. This is partially why I took a "mental health" day today ... to sleep in, to take care of errands, and ...

Westley graduates tomorrow. So I must drive several hours to his parents' home to drive a few more hours to GradSchool for his graduation. Oh, and it's supposed to snow in my area. Several inches. Between tonight and Sunday morning. So ... I may even be trapped at his parents' home on Sunday. It'd be sweet to not have school on Monday ... but that might make everything just that much more crazy.

Christmas in a week. Christmas Eve in 6 days. I'm playing only 1 service this year (thank goodness), and I'm hoping to enjoy time with my family in addition to last-minute wedding stuff, moving over more of my belongings into the new place, etc.

Trying to remember to breathe. And enjoy things as they are happening (as a friend reminded me to do via a Facebook wall post).

I thank God for everything because I wouldn't be able to do anything without Him. I'm hoping to keep that in mind as I begin the final stretch of madness before my marriage begins.

It's the Most Wonderful (and Stressful) Time of the Year!

Once my concert is over this week, I think I will survive. In addition to my concert, I'm staying after to begin our school musical (informational meetings this week, auditions next week). Grades were due yesterday. Every day, I learn of a new task I must complete before the break.

Wedding planning is nearly done with only a few more things remaining:
*programs (design, print, assemble)
*music for reception (pick out must-play and don't-play songs on DJ's website)
*one more pre-marital counseling session (after church this weekend)
*meet with caterer (this weekend)

Westley's mom wants us to do assigned seating. I don't want to. (Tables at our place seat 2-4 people.) This has created tension for poor Westley who understands both our viewpoints and he's stuck in the middle.

I'm still happy, still content ... and I'm trying not to let the stress get to me. I've barely done any Christmas shopping ... and I'm a little nervous about that.

And now? I've gotta pack. Freezing rain tonight and tomorrow during my commuting times means that I probably ought to stay at my new apartment (closer to work) than at my parents' home tonight.

Trying to breathe ... think happy, calm thoughts ... and enjoy each day ... as each day is one day closer until I'm married to Westley. When we started counting down the days until our wedding, we began with 367. Time seemed to drag on forever ... I felt like we'd be stuck in the 300's, then the 200's, forever. Now we have 19 days to go ... and time has sped up ... Amazing how that happens.

One month / 30 days!

Westley proposed on Christmas Day last year ... thus, our countdown until our wedding began at 367 days.

Today is our "Negative One Month Anniversary" ... and we have 30 days remaining.

Somehow, 337 days have already passed.

At the beginning, I felt like time wasn't moving at all and that I was going to remain engaged forever. Now, time has accelerated greatly ... and I'm finding it hard to believe that exactly one month from now, I'll be married.

Most details are covered; we have our flowers, our cake, our reception place (another story for another day: ours is the very last event they'll host before they close forever!), our photographer, hair/makeup appointments ...

We sent out the invitations a few weeks ago, and they're due back in one week. (We bought the 2 kits at Michael's for $30 apiece and printed them out at his parents' house.)

Of course, with both of us being musicians, we've been very picky about the music. We don't want the traditional "Here Comes the Bride" (which apparently was written in jest) ... so we're still trying to figure out which pieces we want.

My original dream (since mid-college) had been to have only piano and cello provide music ... but ... our church has a great organ ... and Westley wanted organ. So ... no cello/piano. And the pieces I'd considered with piano/cello just don't work with organ. Don't get me wrong; I love having the organ ... but I want the perfect piece to be playing as I walk down the aisle ... and I haven't found it yet.

Tonight, I've spent the last few hours researching wedding programs online ... a detail I'd forgotten ... but one which is important ... and again, I haven't found the one that really speaks to me yet. I loved our invitations ... and I want everything to be as wonderful as it can be.

At the end of the day, one month from now, I just want to be married to Westley ... to be together without having to drive several hours to see each other. It still doesn't feel real ... but the thought nearly brings me to tears ... the thought that 30 days will somehow fly by (even though I know many will be very stressful: moving stuff into the apartment, my concert, starting the school musical process of informational meetings & auditions, Westley's graduation, Christmas preparations, etc) ... and all of those events will propel us closer to our wedding day ... and God willing, everything will work out just fine and we'll be together, bonded forever by God.

*Deep breath* It begins ...

Gratitude

Grateful. Indescribably grateful.

Family. Westley. Friends. God. Gift of Jesus. Getting my marriage license earlier this week. Home. New apartment. Time. Music. My students. Getting my oil changed, windshield replaced (cracked by a rock in either September or October), and fuel emissions checked. Enjoyment from reading. Positive work environment. Supportive administration. Caring and friendly colleagues. Many affirmative responses for the wedding. Excuse for learning minimal French (a language I've always wanted to learn but didn't have enough motivation). Christmas in less than a month. Ability to serve God through music. Having my first fitting for my wedding dress. Health. Productivity. Life.

Even after I've written the above, my mind is flooded with a myriad (my favorite word of all time) of more things for which I'm grateful.

I'm grateful for my little brother, home from college, who's watching some incredibly gruesome but "ugh, it's so fake, Estrella!" zombie flick in the same room as I type on the family computer.

I'm grateful for my parents ... my mom who's fixing one of my hand-me-up shirts from my little sister (thanksful for her too) with her sewing machine at the moment ... and my dad who, earlier today, was showing off the tie he's going to wear on my wedding day.

I'm grateful for Westley ... and oh so grateful to God because He completely ignored my prayer that I wouldn't meet someone at GradSchool because I wanted to focus completely on my studies. I thank Him that He knew so much better. :)

I'm thankful for Westley's family ... because I already consider them my own family too.

I'm thankful that God has continued to guide and mold my life ... and He remains faithful in spite of my fallibility. Blessed. I feel incredibly blessed. And I am grateful.

Autumn

Late this afternoon, I went for a walk. I gazed into the woods ... and was struck by the beauty of the bare trees against some of the lingering greenery deeper in the woods. The ground around me was covered in fallen leaves ... and as I stood there in those few moments, more leaves gently wafted to the ground.

My gaze was drawn upwards to the few remaining bits of color at the top of the trees ... these leaves were waiting ... blowing gently in the occasional breeze. I wondered ... How do they know when it's their time to let go ... to sway in the breeze as they float gracefully to the ground?

I watched the trees for a few moments ... hoping to catch a glimpse of a leaf as it detached itself from its tree. Several began their descent before my eyes happened upon a single leaf who easily let go of its branch and drifted to the ground.

How did it know when to let go?

Post in Numbers

220: Number of guests invited to the wedding

125: Original guest list number (before we realized just how big Westley's extended family is ... and how many people we love too much to exclude)

$99: Amount I paid for a too-cute cart/countertop from Target for my new apartment

91: Number of barns (functional and/or dilapidated) I pass on my way to work

53: Number of barns in my original count last week while driving myself
(Westley and I drove in that direction last weekend and I counted many more when I could safely pay better attention!)

52: Number of confirmed wedding guests (including my principal, one AP, and their respective spouses)

39: Days until the wedding!

23: Days until my school's concert

14: Days ago that invitations were sent out (and also the day I signed my lease for my new apartment!)

12.5: Number of hours I'll have to be at school next Monday ... for parent-teacher conferences

11: Work Days that my good friend (one of my bridesmaids!) is home on bed rest while letting her body heal after a complication in her pregnancy (and thankfully, both she and baby are doing well)

10: Horse stables I pass on my way to work ... I love seeing the horses out in the fields when I drive to/from work

6: Days until my first official gown fitting

5: Days that I had the music for a regional chorus event before I played at the concert 2 weekends ago

4: Number of sizes bigger than me that my gown is
(I got it on the sales rack .... and knew it would have to be adjusted)

3: Number of school days left this week!

2: Exciting performances I get to see within the next week (Rockettes & ?Mannheim Steamroller?), both gifts from others

1: Meeting left with the pastor for ceremony planning and pre-marital counseling

-13: Number of minutes ago I should have begun to get ready instead of writing this! :)

Happy Returns

Two of my former students returned last week for extra practice with their music. For an upcoming audition, they're singing the same music as my current students. One of my current students asked them why they had come to work with us instead of working with their current teacher.

"Well, Mrs. [former student's current teacher] is cool and all. Her class is fun. But well, Mrs. [their current teacher] just tells you that it's right or wrong but Ms. Estrella breaks things down so you can get it."

That former student had hated me at the beginning of last year because I had the gall to place her in the alto section, and she knew she was a soprano! How could I not know?! (I've since labeled that condition as "Heartbroken Soprano Syndrome.") Because I knew how much she loved singing (even if she didn't like me), I encouraged her to try out for an elite group, and I spent hours after school for a few weeks preparing her. She made it ... and decided in the process that maybe I wasn't so terrible after all. :)

So ... I was also pleased when she said, "You know, it's a good thing you made me sing alto last year 'cause it made me a better singer. I can sing both low and high now."