A colleague and I presented a session recently to rave reviews. Several people from all stages in our common career- nearly 20% of those in attendance- came up afterwards to thank us personally for what we shared. I later received emails of gratitude which contained comments such as "FANTASTIC," "so informative," and "Your students are lucky to have you." I felt great about how we did; my goal had been for each person to take away at least one idea, and the affirmation we received from our peers seemed to confirm we met our goal.
Until.
I happened to see one scathing evaluation form because it was sitting out in the open. Stating that our session was "helpful only for beginning teachers," it accused us of having poor public speaking skills, and it specifically named me as coming across as an "awkward high school student."
Ouch. Really. Big. Ouch.
It's true that I look much younger than my years, even in a lovely tailored suit. It's also true that I was a little nervous at the beginning and that my opening segment could have been slightly more polished.
This one person's opinion basically attacked my biggest insecurities: that our collection of ideas wasn't really relevant or exciting (even though they've proven highly effective in our professional practice) and that our audience wouldn't take me seriously because I look young and inexperienced (even though my resume says otherwise).
Both of these accusations strongly contradict all of the feedback we received from other colleagues (including praise from one woman who has been in the field for nearly 50 years!).
Why is it that I'm having such a difficult time keeping all of this in perspective? Is it because my pride is hurt because this one person doesn't think I did a good job? Is it because my feelings are hurt because apparently not everyone liked me and because I'm perceiving this one comment as a personal attack? Is it because I'm fearing that my insecurities really are true and not just ridiculous bits of paranoia in my psyche? Maybe all of these things?
Wow. Writing this has been cathartic. Thinking through all that I've written today (and re-living how I felt when I first saw the review) is helping to give me a new perspective. One person's opinion is really not such a huge deal in the big picture. Overall, the majority of people responded very well to our session. While painful, the comment I read will help keep my inner diva (who very occasionally steps out on the stage in my mind) in check. I already knew that there are aspects of our presentation I'd want to improve if we are invited to share our session a third time in the future.
I was going to write that I should also keep in mind that there are plenty of people who do believe in me- not just those who responded well to our session, but rather people who've seen me in action. However, it's really not as relevant what others think, although I do so appreciate affirmation because it helps me believe in myself. The main thing to keep in mind is that I know I'm doing what I'm meant to be doing. Teaching really IS a calling, and I plan to continue for as long as it appears to be God's will for my life.
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