Excuses, excuses

I've been feeling overwhelmed lately. The chaos and craziness caused by my whole super-overachiever plan to do my Master's in ONE FREAKIN' YEAR has intensified this semester. And of course, I'm such a perfectionist that the mistakes I make (like completing next week's assignment for the class I had this evening, unaware of the assignment actually due tonight) cause me to overreact ... and I chide myself unceasingly. I shouldn't ever be allowed a careless mistake. I'm supposed to be better than that.

I guess I'm feeling more pressure now that I'm in the home stretch ... less than 2 months to go! A busy two months too: more than half a dozen concerts (including my recital!), one tour, one more conference to attend (which makes a total of 3 for this semester!), 17 graduate credits and all of the lovely assignments to complete for those, and my oral examination (along with the outside preparatory papers I need to write and scores to analyze).

I know, I know. I've got to pace myself. Break it into smaller chunks. Keep a To-Do list. Breathe in. Breathe out.

I was supposed to complete job applications over Spring Break. Didn't happen. Added stress over getting a job. Yes, I know most K-12 teachers aren't actually hired until the summer. Still. Stress.

Another huge crunch in my schedule is the unexpected wonderfulness that is Westley. I remember praying last year that I would not meet anyone this year. Yeah, I've had crushes here throughout the year, but I really was not looking for a relationship. Not really. I knew I'd be here only a year, and it would make it more difficult to be with someone who might be here longer than just this year. Now that seems more and more of a reality. There's so much uncertainty looming over us (because only God knows where I'll be next year) that while we enjoy spending time together, we're not "officially dating." Trying to save ourselves heartache and pain, I suppose. Wanting to make sure we really want to commit to making a relationship work. I'm already invested emotionally though, and I think it'd be just as painful if this "unofficial dating" were to end as if we ended a truly acknowledged relationship. (Re-reading that last sentence doesn't clarify it for me, but I couldn't figure out how to say it any better in the 10 seconds I considered re-writing it.) Pre-Westley, I spent most of my down time reading and writing (for fun, not academic stuff) ... and now most of my down time is spent with him. Not that my hectic schedule (with 3/5 days being 12 hours at the school, and the other two being an average of 9) gives me much free time ...

So ... I do hope to write more regularly soon (I was in such a great groove last semester!) ... and I ask you to be patient as I try to stay afloat for the time being.