Today should have been my last day, but...

All of my student-teaching paperwork states that today was my final day of student-teaching. When I met with my current Cooperating Teacher in August before school started, I asked if I could conduct at the holiday concert which will be taking place in 2 weeks. CT responded,

"Yes, you could do that. You could teach through the 8th and try to have your pieces (one with each group) ready by that day. Then you could return on the day of the concert and conduct the groups if you'd like."

"Oh no! I mean, I want to continue teaching at the school up through the concert if that's OK."

"Oh sure, that's fine too."

(I informed him then that I'd most likely be out of town next weekend. Sure enough, my annual Christmas party gig was scheduled for next Friday, so I'll be going home for that and for the unofficial job interview.)

~*~*~*~

Today in class, CT made a point of announcing to each group, "Today is Miss ***************'s last official day of student-teaching." He paused dramatically. Each group looked shocked and saddened by the news.

"What?!" "Already?" "Miss **************, won't you stay?" I did my best to play along, but each time, the kids' protests made me smile.

"But," CT continued, "when Miss *********** came to visit me before school started, she asked if she could stay longer so that she could conduct at the concert. So even though all of her friends who were student-teaching are now finished, she wanted to stay on because she really cared about going the extra mile." (And, I thought as he said this, I care about these kids and wouldn't be able to say goodbye to them like this- right in the middle of their concert preparations. I need more closure than that.)

The guys in the freshmen male ensemble grinned, some more mischievously than others. I told them later how much I've enjoyed working with them. They drive me nuts with their goofing off, squirming around, and chattering ... but they make me laugh. They're not "bad kids" by any means - they just have too much energy and they don't always remember how to control themselves. :-)

The mixed choir began clapping when CT told them I'd be staying longer. Some of the guys had overheard me sharing my first name when introducing myself to parents and other adults. These guys called out, "Yeah, Estrella!" I gave them a mock Teacher Look and said, smiling, "You can't call me that until after I'm really finished with you!"

The ladies' ensemble looked most upset when they thought I was leaving. Since I first started working with this group, I've secretly hoped that the girls and I would bond. A few weeks ago during my first observation at this placement, there was a turning point. Those with attitudes settled down. Those who hadn't cared very much started contributing more. After he shared the announcement, they worked very diligently when I got up to the podium to rehearse my song (a setting of Robert Frost's poem "Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening") with them. When we ran the piece for the last time today, they sang so beautifully. Although the song wasn't perfect musically, the girls trusted me enough to follow the nonverbal directions I gave them.

Today, I tried my best to let go and convey the meaning of the lyrics with my facial expressions. I watched their faces as I conducted, and I almost cried as we finished the song because their faces reflected what I was feeling. I got the sense that many of them felt it too. That kind of feeling is virtually impossible to articulate. I think it's similar to the feeling of closeness that you get when you share a special experience with other people (like college friends or people you travel with), but there's another element which comes from the music. Singing is such a vulnerable experience. A singer must let down her guard and embrace every musical and lyrical nuance, exposing her heart, in order to convey the essence of the song. When a choir is able to achieve that together, the feeling can be overwhelming.
~*~*~*~

I'm grateful that today was not my last day. I'm not ready to leave these kids yet!