Cooperating Teacher has taken to asking me, "Are you sure this is really what you want to do?" during the most demanding moments of the job. Last week, I believed he asked me twice, during and after auditions for the Spring Musical. I was at the school from 7am (or slightly before) in the morning until after9:30pm at night on both Monday and Tuesday. Over 14 hours each day ... and I still love it!
Today was a bit rougher. I worked with all three classes today (length varied between classes). With the theory class, we focused on rhythmic and melodic sight-reading for the 10 minutes I had with them. This was challenging, especially for the kids who are not in choir. Every time after we stopped something, the kids would chatter about how they did. Cooperating Teacher had to run out for the few minutes I was teaching, so it was up to me to keep everything going. He tolerates more talking than I do, so the kids are not used to keeping their mouths closed to wait for instructions. I think it comes back to my pacing-- once I picked up the pace a little, the kids were less likely to goff around. But -- when I'm thrown into a teaching session with little or no preparation time, I rely on having a few extra moments during transitions to figure out what I'm going to do next. Unfortunately, the kids seem to think that those few moments are theirs to use for talking ... I need to learn to think on my feet more quickly!
With the elite mixed choir, I did some preparation activities with a piece that we'll focus on more in-depth on Thursday when I'm going to be observed. We established guidelines for various dynamic levels-- and the kids were able to understand and produce the sound necessary for each level. On Thursday, the plan is to apply the sound levels to the rest of the piece, beyond the small 8-bar segment we used today. Before then, Cooperating Teacher is supposed to assist me with my conducting (one of my weaker areas) so that I'll be able to convey more than just the steady beat!
I grew frustrated with the ladies' ensemble today. Most of them were working hard, and as I noted last week, they respond better to me than before ... but something threw me off. There were certain things I wanted to accomplish in the piece, but if they didn't get it, I couldn't always figure out how to re-articulate what I wanted them to do. This frustrated me which left me flustered and uncomfortable. Cooperating Teacher helped me a little, but at other times, he took over completely, leaving me feeling completely inadequate. At one point, I was close to tears because I was so frustrated. He picked up on certain problems that I didn't hear (which was helpful) but he also went into a long lecture about the meaning of the text (one of my goals to do with the girls on Thursday, when I'm being observed).
He gave me no feedback on the two times he saw me teach today. He keeps telling me how stressed and crazy things are (yes, the ability to organize chaos is a requirement for this position), so I'm hesitant to DEMAND attention when so many other things are pressing on his time. Unfortunately, this means that I am adopting his stress ... which I don't need.
I was grateful for the time to work with the students today, but I was uncomfortable at the same time. Because he's been teaching for 10 years longer than I've even been alive, my Cooperating Teacher doesn't need to write out detailed lesson plans. He knows what he wants and he knows how to get it. I'm NOT there yet! Therefore, I'm not sure he understands how I NEED sufficient time to talk over my lesson plans with him (preferably before the day in which the plan will be implemented). I NEED feedback on how I'm doing. We did sketch tentative plans for the rest of this week for a few of the ensembles (good!) ... but ... we haven't discussed the men's group- and we haven't even introduced one of their concert pieces yet! The concert is 3 weeks from tomorrow! (Oh, and they always sell out -- all 1000 seats in the auditorium ... no pressure!)
I know it'll all come together. Maybe my pieces with the groups won't be as stellar as they might be if Cooperating Teacher were teaching everything ... but at least I'll have had the experience of working with these great kids!
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