I've always been a "good girl." I don't smoke, I didn't drink (beyond sips from my parents' wine glasses at holidays) until I was legal, I don't go out and party. Those things just aren't for me. I don't understand the point of going out just to get drunk. I'd rather be aware enough of my surroundings to know when I'm having a good time with my friends. I don't understand what motivates others to consciously make choices which will have negative consequences. I know I'm not perfect and I've certainly made my own share of mistakes, but I just don't get why others would put themselves in dangerous circumstances.
Last night was our worst duty night since St. Patrick's Day. I think I had maybe 20 minutes of downtime in my own room between 9:55pm and 3:40am. During those hours, I held someone's held up while she puked, went to the hospital with that same person because she needed medical attention for her alcohol intake, responded to extremely rude residents who were violating policies, and etc.
I try extremely hard not to judge people, as judging others goes against my faith. While I don't agree with the choices these people made, I understand-- hey, they just wanted to have a good time or they simply made a mistake. And I tell them, even as I'm documenting the situation, that I recognize that what happened (i.e. doing something they weren't supposed to be doing then getting caught) isn't pleasant -- (in vernacular- "it sucks")-- but that I'm required to do my job. With some kids, they "get" that. They see that I'm not trying to be the bad guy, but that I do what I need to do to keep all of the residents of my building safe and secure. They recognize that I'm NOT enjoying this and that I'd rather not be doing this part of my job either, but I'm required to do it, so I carry out my responsibilities.
Last night, one of the residents was so rude that I cried when I returned to my room. After what I'd already been through that evening, I needed some sort of outlet. I'm grateful that after I finished writing the final report at 3:40am, I was able to enjoy uninterrupted sleep for 8 hours. Today was better because I met up with my best friend and boyfriend for lunch. When I'm off duty, my best friend and I are going shopping downtown. It'll be good to get away from campus. Next weekend, I'm going home-- and I cannot wait! I need a break from all this.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Friday, September 29, 2006
Estrella gets cranky
So I've been student-teaching all week. CT wasn't here one day (sick day) so I spent the entire day teaching everything. It was really good for me, and I enjoyed it! I've been taking fewer and fewer notes as I've been teaching more and more. I've been able to joke around with the kids and even make some of them laugh with my silly antics! And -- more are remembering my name without prompting!
But I haven't been going to sleep at the time I should (10-11pm) for 4 of the past 5 days this week. So I thought I'd take a nap this evening while I'm on duty, as a Resident Assistant, from 4:30pm this afternoon to 4:30pm tomorrow afternoon. I didn't want to nap right after school because then I wouldn't be able to grab dinner. So I waited until after dinner. I laid down, set my alarm, turned on my electric blanket (because the building is not properly heated), and fell asleep.
Half an hour later, I get a call from one of the other RAs asking me to fill in for another staff member's duty. I grumpily said I'd be down. And I ended up sitting for only 15 minutes before the staff member on the next shift came to relieve me. I acknowledged that 15 minutes away from a 2.5 hour long nap wasn't too bad, so I laid back down when I returned to my room.
20 minutes later, my phone rang. A friend. Nice surprise, but another "oh well, there's another 10 minutes of precious sleep time lost." Back to sleep.
Thump thump. Thu-thumpa thump. The guys on the other side of our floor were blasting their bass again. GRRRR. We have mandatory 24-hour courtesy hours! Could they not be courteous and respect my NEED to SLEEP?! I've had to talk to them so many times about their noise level. When I went over (and admittedly was short with them), they said, "Oh, Estrella, we didn't know you were here." Hel-LO! When you're blasting your music so loud that I can feel the vibrations from the other side of the hall -- through my closed door -- there's something wrong. And if I'm not here? It's still NOT OK!
I know I need to document every time that I talk to them, but they're actually really nice guys who just don't "get it" when they're using their "outside football player voices" inside -- or that their music really is TOO LOUD.
After talking to them, I felt wide awake but still very tired. I would set my alarm for later -- but then I might not fall asleep later tonight. Oh, and did I mention that as an RA on duty, I've got to go on building rounds at 10pm, 12am, and 2am? The latter two times being past my bedtime! Thinks to self, At least I don't pay room & board, at least I don't pay room & board, at least I don't pay room & board. I am compensated well for this position ... and it is a privilege to be sure, but sometimes I don't feel that it's worth it!
But I haven't been going to sleep at the time I should (10-11pm) for 4 of the past 5 days this week. So I thought I'd take a nap this evening while I'm on duty, as a Resident Assistant, from 4:30pm this afternoon to 4:30pm tomorrow afternoon. I didn't want to nap right after school because then I wouldn't be able to grab dinner. So I waited until after dinner. I laid down, set my alarm, turned on my electric blanket (because the building is not properly heated), and fell asleep.
Half an hour later, I get a call from one of the other RAs asking me to fill in for another staff member's duty. I grumpily said I'd be down. And I ended up sitting for only 15 minutes before the staff member on the next shift came to relieve me. I acknowledged that 15 minutes away from a 2.5 hour long nap wasn't too bad, so I laid back down when I returned to my room.
20 minutes later, my phone rang. A friend. Nice surprise, but another "oh well, there's another 10 minutes of precious sleep time lost." Back to sleep.
Thump thump. Thu-thumpa thump. The guys on the other side of our floor were blasting their bass again. GRRRR. We have mandatory 24-hour courtesy hours! Could they not be courteous and respect my NEED to SLEEP?! I've had to talk to them so many times about their noise level. When I went over (and admittedly was short with them), they said, "Oh, Estrella, we didn't know you were here." Hel-LO! When you're blasting your music so loud that I can feel the vibrations from the other side of the hall -- through my closed door -- there's something wrong. And if I'm not here? It's still NOT OK!
I know I need to document every time that I talk to them, but they're actually really nice guys who just don't "get it" when they're using their "outside football player voices" inside -- or that their music really is TOO LOUD.
After talking to them, I felt wide awake but still very tired. I would set my alarm for later -- but then I might not fall asleep later tonight. Oh, and did I mention that as an RA on duty, I've got to go on building rounds at 10pm, 12am, and 2am? The latter two times being past my bedtime! Thinks to self, At least I don't pay room & board, at least I don't pay room & board, at least I don't pay room & board. I am compensated well for this position ... and it is a privilege to be sure, but sometimes I don't feel that it's worth it!
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
A taste of real life...
I'm student-teaching this semester. At my university, we are required to teach at two different placements: one must be at the secondary level while the other must be at the primary level. One must be in an instrumental setting while the other must be in the vocal/general music setting. I personally believe that general music and secondary choral music are completely different beasts and should not be grouped together, but I suppose an instrumentalist came up with the requirements. :-)
I'm now in my 4th week at an elementary/middle school strings placement. Before I began this semester, my attitude was, I'm glad I've got strings first because then I can get it over with before I work in the area which is my passion: high school choir. Halfway through this placement now, my attitude has shifted: I'm already disappointed that time has flown by because I'm having an incredible experience. my cooperating teacher (CT) is extremely kind, nurturing, and encouraging. She is a strong Christian, and I look up to her-- as a teacher, as a believer, as a person. The other music teachers in our section of the building are also fantastic- funny, intelligent, and talented people. I've really enjoyed my time here so far, and I feel at ease here. This is the kind of environment in which I'd love to work someday. Twice a week, the music staff and one of the other teachers gather to pray before school. I've grown more confident as I've realized I really do know more than I thought I did. Students actually respond to me and they've improved in the short amount of time that I've been working with them. CT has gradually let me take on more and more responsibility during the small group lessons. I hadn't even realized how much more I was working with the students until I commented to CT yesterday, "Wow. I hardly took any notes during their lessons today." She responded, "That's because you've been teaching!"
While I would prefer to follow the choral/general route, I believe I could accept a beginnings strings position and have an effective and successful program. Perhaps it helps that my CT is responsible for two sections of chorus, of which I am now in charge. I've had so much fun working with the choristers and teaching them proper vocal technique. Their tone is lovely and their energy heightens my enthusiasm!
I'm still looking forward to my second placement, but I'm also feeling apprehensive about it. The program is well-established; the phenomenal director has been there for about 30 years. Because these kids have been trained exceedingly well, I'm a little nervous about stepping in and trying to teach them at their level. I know it can be a good thing to fall on one's face every once in a while, and while I don't expect that to happen to me, I'm hoping that I can be effective there. I want to contribute to the program's ever-improving status and not simply leave it as I found it.
I think part of the reason I'm anxious about this is because I've put a lot of weight on this upcoming experience. When people have asked me what level/area I want to teach, I've told them, "Oh, I'm hoping student-teaching will help me figure that out." I'm partly afraid that I'll discover I really don't want to teach at the secondary choral level (my dream job since age 14, which lately I've been questioning more and more). I trust God will lead me where He wants me to be, but I hope He lets me know soon where that is. (Location? Area? Age level? Future education? Etc, etc, etc?)
Laundry time. Adios!
I'm now in my 4th week at an elementary/middle school strings placement. Before I began this semester, my attitude was, I'm glad I've got strings first because then I can get it over with before I work in the area which is my passion: high school choir. Halfway through this placement now, my attitude has shifted: I'm already disappointed that time has flown by because I'm having an incredible experience. my cooperating teacher (CT) is extremely kind, nurturing, and encouraging. She is a strong Christian, and I look up to her-- as a teacher, as a believer, as a person. The other music teachers in our section of the building are also fantastic- funny, intelligent, and talented people. I've really enjoyed my time here so far, and I feel at ease here. This is the kind of environment in which I'd love to work someday. Twice a week, the music staff and one of the other teachers gather to pray before school. I've grown more confident as I've realized I really do know more than I thought I did. Students actually respond to me and they've improved in the short amount of time that I've been working with them. CT has gradually let me take on more and more responsibility during the small group lessons. I hadn't even realized how much more I was working with the students until I commented to CT yesterday, "Wow. I hardly took any notes during their lessons today." She responded, "That's because you've been teaching!"
While I would prefer to follow the choral/general route, I believe I could accept a beginnings strings position and have an effective and successful program. Perhaps it helps that my CT is responsible for two sections of chorus, of which I am now in charge. I've had so much fun working with the choristers and teaching them proper vocal technique. Their tone is lovely and their energy heightens my enthusiasm!
I'm still looking forward to my second placement, but I'm also feeling apprehensive about it. The program is well-established; the phenomenal director has been there for about 30 years. Because these kids have been trained exceedingly well, I'm a little nervous about stepping in and trying to teach them at their level. I know it can be a good thing to fall on one's face every once in a while, and while I don't expect that to happen to me, I'm hoping that I can be effective there. I want to contribute to the program's ever-improving status and not simply leave it as I found it.
I think part of the reason I'm anxious about this is because I've put a lot of weight on this upcoming experience. When people have asked me what level/area I want to teach, I've told them, "Oh, I'm hoping student-teaching will help me figure that out." I'm partly afraid that I'll discover I really don't want to teach at the secondary choral level (my dream job since age 14, which lately I've been questioning more and more). I trust God will lead me where He wants me to be, but I hope He lets me know soon where that is. (Location? Area? Age level? Future education? Etc, etc, etc?)
Laundry time. Adios!
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Far From the Madding Crowd
I've been reading Far From the Madding Crowd by Thomas Hardy off and on for about a month. Because my opportunities to read are so sporadic, I'm still at the very beginning fo the book. I purchased the book at the used bookstore at home because I loved Tess of the D'Ubervilles by the same author. Even though I bought this book and others by the same author a couple of years ago, this is my first attempt at reading them since I got them. The writing is exquisitely beautiful and I wanted to post a passage which I particularly enjoyed:
To persons standing alone on a hill during a clear midnight such as this, the roll of the world eastward is almost a palpable movement. The sensation may be caused by the panoramic glide of the stars past earthly objects, which is perceptible in a few minutes of stillness, or by the better outlook upon space that a hill affords, or by the wind, or by the solitude; but whatever be its origin the impression of riding along is vivid and abiding. The poetry of motion is a phrase much in use, and to enjoy the epic form or that gratification it is necessary to stand on a hill at a small hour of the night, and having first expanded with a sense of difference from the mass of civilized mankind, who are dreamwrapt and disregardful of all such proceedings at this time, long and quietly watch your progress through the stars. After such a nocturnal reconnoitre it is hard to get back to earth, and to believe that the consciousness of such a majestic speeding is derived from a tiny human frame.
A few years ago, I read in the paper that a meteor shower would be occurring one evening. I shared this with my family, and made plans with my sister and my dad to wake up in the middle of the night and watch the meteor shower. When the time came, we awoke, slipped on shoes and coats, and walked to the foot of our driveway. We stood outside for a few moments, talking and waiting ... and then the magic began. Shooting stars streaked across the sky. We counted them as we saw them. One ... two! Three over there! I stopped counting at one hundred one. 101 wishes to make! I still haven't made them all. The passage above reminds me of that night -- the magic of all that we saw, the sensation of sharing in some amazing celestial secret ... a living dream.
Thinking about the awesome majesty of God recreates that feeling. Here in the city, the stars aren't visible because of the chaos of light emanating from everywhere around me. At home, I can gaze at God's tapestry of the sky and the twinkles of all the stars are too numerous for me to count. I love those moments when God's handiwork causes your breath to catch in your throat, escaping only in a silent "Wow" or a sigh of contentment at receiving such a gift.
What such moments have you experienced lately?
To persons standing alone on a hill during a clear midnight such as this, the roll of the world eastward is almost a palpable movement. The sensation may be caused by the panoramic glide of the stars past earthly objects, which is perceptible in a few minutes of stillness, or by the better outlook upon space that a hill affords, or by the wind, or by the solitude; but whatever be its origin the impression of riding along is vivid and abiding. The poetry of motion is a phrase much in use, and to enjoy the epic form or that gratification it is necessary to stand on a hill at a small hour of the night, and having first expanded with a sense of difference from the mass of civilized mankind, who are dreamwrapt and disregardful of all such proceedings at this time, long and quietly watch your progress through the stars. After such a nocturnal reconnoitre it is hard to get back to earth, and to believe that the consciousness of such a majestic speeding is derived from a tiny human frame.
A few years ago, I read in the paper that a meteor shower would be occurring one evening. I shared this with my family, and made plans with my sister and my dad to wake up in the middle of the night and watch the meteor shower. When the time came, we awoke, slipped on shoes and coats, and walked to the foot of our driveway. We stood outside for a few moments, talking and waiting ... and then the magic began. Shooting stars streaked across the sky. We counted them as we saw them. One ... two! Three over there! I stopped counting at one hundred one. 101 wishes to make! I still haven't made them all. The passage above reminds me of that night -- the magic of all that we saw, the sensation of sharing in some amazing celestial secret ... a living dream.
Thinking about the awesome majesty of God recreates that feeling. Here in the city, the stars aren't visible because of the chaos of light emanating from everywhere around me. At home, I can gaze at God's tapestry of the sky and the twinkles of all the stars are too numerous for me to count. I love those moments when God's handiwork causes your breath to catch in your throat, escaping only in a silent "Wow" or a sigh of contentment at receiving such a gift.
What such moments have you experienced lately?
Welcome!
Welcome!
This is my third blog since 2001. I began over at a site, which has since folded, at the end of my sophomore year in high school and "graduated" to another hosting site as a first year college student in 2003. While I still maintain the latter, I decided to create this account because I've enjoyed reading others' blogs on this site, and ... I've felt almost guilty for enjoying their writing without sharing my own. I've gravitated toward the academic blogs as I'm currently in my senior year of my undergraduate program at MySchool in CoolCity, and my own professors have recommended more than once that I consider a career in Higher Ed.
Even though it's only September, events of the first month of this school year have been life-changing: my grandmother's death, my current student-teaching experience, and a tragedy in my community. So much in my life is no longer constant. I expect that more will change before I graduate in May. Only God knows His plans for my life. I'm glad Someone does. :-)
This is my third blog since 2001. I began over at a site, which has since folded, at the end of my sophomore year in high school and "graduated" to another hosting site as a first year college student in 2003. While I still maintain the latter, I decided to create this account because I've enjoyed reading others' blogs on this site, and ... I've felt almost guilty for enjoying their writing without sharing my own. I've gravitated toward the academic blogs as I'm currently in my senior year of my undergraduate program at MySchool in CoolCity, and my own professors have recommended more than once that I consider a career in Higher Ed.
Even though it's only September, events of the first month of this school year have been life-changing: my grandmother's death, my current student-teaching experience, and a tragedy in my community. So much in my life is no longer constant. I expect that more will change before I graduate in May. Only God knows His plans for my life. I'm glad Someone does. :-)
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