Motivation and Understanding

I've always been a "good girl." I don't smoke, I didn't drink (beyond sips from my parents' wine glasses at holidays) until I was legal, I don't go out and party. Those things just aren't for me. I don't understand the point of going out just to get drunk. I'd rather be aware enough of my surroundings to know when I'm having a good time with my friends. I don't understand what motivates others to consciously make choices which will have negative consequences. I know I'm not perfect and I've certainly made my own share of mistakes, but I just don't get why others would put themselves in dangerous circumstances.

Last night was our worst duty night since St. Patrick's Day. I think I had maybe 20 minutes of downtime in my own room between 9:55pm and 3:40am. During those hours, I held someone's held up while she puked, went to the hospital with that same person because she needed medical attention for her alcohol intake, responded to extremely rude residents who were violating policies, and etc.

I try extremely hard not to judge people, as judging others goes against my faith. While I don't agree with the choices these people made, I understand-- hey, they just wanted to have a good time or they simply made a mistake. And I tell them, even as I'm documenting the situation, that I recognize that what happened (i.e. doing something they weren't supposed to be doing then getting caught) isn't pleasant -- (in vernacular- "it sucks")-- but that I'm required to do my job. With some kids, they "get" that. They see that I'm not trying to be the bad guy, but that I do what I need to do to keep all of the residents of my building safe and secure. They recognize that I'm NOT enjoying this and that I'd rather not be doing this part of my job either, but I'm required to do it, so I carry out my responsibilities.

Last night, one of the residents was so rude that I cried when I returned to my room. After what I'd already been through that evening, I needed some sort of outlet. I'm grateful that after I finished writing the final report at 3:40am, I was able to enjoy uninterrupted sleep for 8 hours. Today was better because I met up with my best friend and boyfriend for lunch. When I'm off duty, my best friend and I are going shopping downtown. It'll be good to get away from campus. Next weekend, I'm going home-- and I cannot wait! I need a break from all this.