Early on in yesterday's phone conversation with CGFC, we talked about how draining yesterday's Good Friday service had been. I remarked that it wasn't just about the physical exhaustion because the service lasted nearly 3 hours (and then I stayed for Stations of the Cross afterwards, something I'd never done before but was glad I had chosen to stay). The emotional toll of considering every part of the service ~ the hymn texts, the Scriptural passages, the sermons (we had two brief ones), the prayers, thinking about what happened 2000 years ago and what that must have been like ...
(I didn't say it on the phone, but mentally included on the list the personal responsibility I feel when I'm focusing on Jesus on the cross. He died for a reason. Not for Himself. But for me. Dwelling on that thought for three hours is tough.)
"Just imagine," CGFC said, "that 2000 years ago, they thought that today was the end of the story. Jesus died and that was that. Imagine today being it- they just saw Him die, and they don't realize that there's so much more about to happen. We know that today was not the end."
And I think his point was that today (really meaning yesterday) was certainly difficult to swallow, even 2000 years later, but we're blessed with the knowledge of what is to come ~ the Resurrection. Even though yesterday was exhausting (especially as both CGFC and I served in roles which minister to the congregation), we wait in joyful anticipation for the Good News that will be shared this evening and tomorrow!
~*~*~*~
Earlier today, I wondered again where I'll end up getting a teaching job for next year. (Or ~ if the Graduate Assistantship I'm auditioning/interviewing for on Monday is going to be a good fit for me?! Aack! I have a conducting audition, vocal audition, interview with the ensemble director, interview with another important person in the music school, and possibly a piano audition. Please pray for me!)
And I thought ~ not so much about the potential teaching jobs (or additional schooling), but about churches. What kind of church will I be at next year? My church up here in CoolCity is quite different from my churches (I have two) at home. The particular denomination is more traditional, as compared with HomeChurch#1 which has lately been going ultra-technology-happy (i.e. sermon on Powerpoint and canned accompaniment tracks so that a soloist's offertory sounds like something on American Idol) and HomeChurch#2, a sweet, country church, which has some more contemporary elements but is still somewhat traditional. (Both of these are different denominations from one another; HC#1 was my first church and I grew in my faith and my music ministry there. HC#2 was my first church job, but I have really come to view the congregation as a church family to me, and I've stayed more involved there during my years at college than at HC#1.)
Something to think about whenever I relocate, I guess.
For the time being, I'm grateful that my church job here in CoolCity has become so much more than a job. I may be a paid vocalist at the church, but the people there have really become my church family. The choir didn't sing at the Maundy Thursday service; none of the other paid vocalists showed up. I came, not for the free dinner beforehand and not because I wanted to see CGFC (although both of those were certainly perks!). I went because it has become my church home. :-)
~*~*~*~
Speaking of my church home (literally, while I was writing this last paragraph), the choir director just called. I had asked about getting into the church today to practice for my upcoming audition, and it was locked when I walked downtown today! (The music building is closed for the holiday weekend.) So ... I'm getting a ride down there in a few moments and I've gotta go! :-)
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Friday, April 06, 2007
Definitely a Good Friday :-)
I just spent about 20 minutes on the phone with him. *sigh*
There simply aren't words to convey the contentment I'm feeling right now. It's not elation or ecstaticism ... it's a gentle peace. (I could write about the calming effect of his mellifluous voice or the careful and considerate way in which he quietly chooses his words ... but it'd be impossible to describe beyond what I've just written.)
He asked about where I was in school ... and I talked about the job search. I asked him about his schooling ~ and he talked a little about his undergraduate education as well as his plans for the school he's currently attending. Apparently, even though he still has 7 classes remaining, he's just accepted a job in a state which is one state south of the most southern state I was considering to apply for jobs in.
And then he asked about having lunch together after church next Sunday (following Easter Sunday). So that's the plan. It doesn't seem likely that anything will actually come of this, because I'm not sure how much longer he'll be up in this area. I'm just grateful that God gave me the courage to start this dialogue ... and I've given it up to Him, knowing that if GCFC is part of His plan for me, He'll make it work. And if not, at least He will have given me the pleasure of having gotten to know CGFC ... which has shown me that my list of standards (what I look for in a guy, a list I've kept for many years now) is not impossible; there are men who meet those standards.
Dining on campus closes in about 15 minutes, so I'm going to go grab some food before I start filling out job applications and doing homework. And I do feel a bit more motivated to complete my work now... :-)
There simply aren't words to convey the contentment I'm feeling right now. It's not elation or ecstaticism ... it's a gentle peace. (I could write about the calming effect of his mellifluous voice or the careful and considerate way in which he quietly chooses his words ... but it'd be impossible to describe beyond what I've just written.)
He asked about where I was in school ... and I talked about the job search. I asked him about his schooling ~ and he talked a little about his undergraduate education as well as his plans for the school he's currently attending. Apparently, even though he still has 7 classes remaining, he's just accepted a job in a state which is one state south of the most southern state I was considering to apply for jobs in.
And then he asked about having lunch together after church next Sunday (following Easter Sunday). So that's the plan. It doesn't seem likely that anything will actually come of this, because I'm not sure how much longer he'll be up in this area. I'm just grateful that God gave me the courage to start this dialogue ... and I've given it up to Him, knowing that if GCFC is part of His plan for me, He'll make it work. And if not, at least He will have given me the pleasure of having gotten to know CGFC ... which has shown me that my list of standards (what I look for in a guy, a list I've kept for many years now) is not impossible; there are men who meet those standards.
Dining on campus closes in about 15 minutes, so I'm going to go grab some food before I start filling out job applications and doing homework. And I do feel a bit more motivated to complete my work now... :-)
Good Friday
Nope, no chance to talk today either. But today, I planned ahead. I wrote out my number on a scrap of paper and placed it in his hand as we both left (opposite directions) ... so ... we'll see what happens. I can't believe how brazen I'm being ... but ... I just don't want to regret not having done anything.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Postponement
I believe tonight was only the second time I'd been to a Maundy Thursday service because my church denomination at home has only the Good Friday and Easter Sunday services. Tonight was incredibly powerful. The Scripture readings, the text of the hymns ... foot-washing and communion. When the pastor washed my foot, she told me how much it had been a blessing to the church that I had been able to be there for the past few years. I responded that the church has been a blessing to me. It's the truth; even though it's my "job" to sing there, the church and the people there have been a wonderful church family to me.
Throughout the service, I prayed that God would work in my heart ... and help to keep me focused on him. Even when CGFC served me part of communion, I was earnestly praying. The service concluded with the congregation reading Psalm 22 while the altar was stripped bare and while the lights were slowly turned off. Powerful.
Three people came around to offer me rides, but I said I'd be fine. I waited afterwards to talk with CGFC (as we had planned on Sunday) and was hoping he would be able to give me a ride. It took him awhile to change out of his vestments ... and when he saw me, he asked,
"How are you?"
"I'm fine, how are you?"
"I'm fine." He looked slightly uncomfortable, probably because one of his friends was waiting for him in the stairwell.
"Can you give me a ride back?" I asked.
"Actually, my friend's giving me a ride back ... but choirlady [aka my private detective, which he doesn't know] probably can."
"OK," I said, still smiling pleasantly.
"We can talk tomorrow."
"Sure," I said agreeably as he headed down the stairs to leave. And then I got a ride with my private detective. *sigh* With exception of feeling slightly awkward because his friend was waiting for him right there (and there were a couple of other people around) and CGFC had to say that no, he couldn't give me a ride ... I felt fine ... but disappointed.
And now, all my friends are off-campus because they've gone home ... or my few friends who are staying didn't answer their phones. I haven't been home for Easter all throughout college because I've always had a church job. Perhaps I ought to be excited for tomorrow ~ hopefully, we'll actually have a chance to talk ~ but ... right now, I'm missing home and my family. Maybe I'll try calling home before it gets too late ... and then go to bed early. Eh. That's it for today.
Throughout the service, I prayed that God would work in my heart ... and help to keep me focused on him. Even when CGFC served me part of communion, I was earnestly praying. The service concluded with the congregation reading Psalm 22 while the altar was stripped bare and while the lights were slowly turned off. Powerful.
Three people came around to offer me rides, but I said I'd be fine. I waited afterwards to talk with CGFC (as we had planned on Sunday) and was hoping he would be able to give me a ride. It took him awhile to change out of his vestments ... and when he saw me, he asked,
"How are you?"
"I'm fine, how are you?"
"I'm fine." He looked slightly uncomfortable, probably because one of his friends was waiting for him in the stairwell.
"Can you give me a ride back?" I asked.
"Actually, my friend's giving me a ride back ... but choirlady [aka my private detective, which he doesn't know] probably can."
"OK," I said, still smiling pleasantly.
"We can talk tomorrow."
"Sure," I said agreeably as he headed down the stairs to leave. And then I got a ride with my private detective. *sigh* With exception of feeling slightly awkward because his friend was waiting for him right there (and there were a couple of other people around) and CGFC had to say that no, he couldn't give me a ride ... I felt fine ... but disappointed.
And now, all my friends are off-campus because they've gone home ... or my few friends who are staying didn't answer their phones. I haven't been home for Easter all throughout college because I've always had a church job. Perhaps I ought to be excited for tomorrow ~ hopefully, we'll actually have a chance to talk ~ but ... right now, I'm missing home and my family. Maybe I'll try calling home before it gets too late ... and then go to bed early. Eh. That's it for today.
Anticipation
I didn't realize how many people I'd told about my CGFC crush! If he went to MySchool, I would have been much more quiet about it ... but because no one at MySchool knows him, I gushed to more people. Oops. :-) The plus side was that I had more people who cheered for me when I shared that I'd asked him out on Sunday! (P.S. Thank you to the two readers of this blog for your encouragement!!!)
So I talked with A, one of my guy friends, on Monday night because we frequently update each other on our love lives. (It took him awhile to muster up the courage to ask out the girl he liked earlier this semester because he was so intimidated by her ... but alas, they broke it off a few weeks ago.) I said to A,
"You know, I didn't really give him a gentleman's way out ~ to say no, I mean."
"Don't you try to do that! You're trying to minimize this! He would have said no if he weren't interested."
"A, how can you know that? He's a gentleman ~ and he wouldn't have said no. He knew he had to help me save face and protect my feelings, and I didn't say anything like, 'unless you have a girlfriend or you're not interested' when I asked him, so he didn't have any other choice!"
"Estrella, listen to me. He would have found a way to say no if he weren't interested. Trust me, he's interested."
Then we proceeded to talk. A is very much a metrosexual ~ that is, he's very cultured, well-groomed, and knowledgeable. I asked his opinion about what I should wear and places to eat that I might suggest to CGFC. He gave me excellent feedback. :-)
~*~*~*~
The next day at dinner, BestFriend walked me through possible scenarios about getting the bill at the meal. She had me practice covertly reaching for the bill (a napkin) in the middle of conversation, and when he insisted on paying (as she assured me that a true gentleman would), I was to protest lightly ("But I asked you"), but not protest any further if he insisted on paying for his meal or for both of us. (I'm laughing to myself as I write this because I can't believe I'm sharing this! It was silly enough "practicing" in MySchool's cafeteria!)
~*~*~*~
Last night, another of my guy friends and I talked about this situation. Like A, he assured me that CGFC is interested at some level. Otherwise, this friend said, "He would have told you he wasn't looking for a relationship" or something like that. He asked me how I asked out CGFC, and I shared with him exactly what I wrote in here a few days ago. While I was talking, I was playing with one of my scarves from Italy, twisting it and wrapping it around my hands, fidgeting as I relived the nerves from Sunday in my retelling of the story. He laughed at me, and said that CGFC would never be able to resist me if he were to see me acting so adorably. :-)
~*~*~*~
And now that I've gotten all of this silliness and giddiness out of my system by sharing it with friends and by blogging about it, I'm hopeful that I will be my completely normal and sweet self this evening when I see CGFC! Unfortunately, the temperature dropped by HALF this week and it's now quite cold outside ... so I can't wear a cute (modest & conservative, of course) skirt as I had hoped. Hmm ... it IS cold enough that I could wear that scarf. :-)
So I talked with A, one of my guy friends, on Monday night because we frequently update each other on our love lives. (It took him awhile to muster up the courage to ask out the girl he liked earlier this semester because he was so intimidated by her ... but alas, they broke it off a few weeks ago.) I said to A,
"You know, I didn't really give him a gentleman's way out ~ to say no, I mean."
"Don't you try to do that! You're trying to minimize this! He would have said no if he weren't interested."
"A, how can you know that? He's a gentleman ~ and he wouldn't have said no. He knew he had to help me save face and protect my feelings, and I didn't say anything like, 'unless you have a girlfriend or you're not interested' when I asked him, so he didn't have any other choice!"
"Estrella, listen to me. He would have found a way to say no if he weren't interested. Trust me, he's interested."
Then we proceeded to talk. A is very much a metrosexual ~ that is, he's very cultured, well-groomed, and knowledgeable. I asked his opinion about what I should wear and places to eat that I might suggest to CGFC. He gave me excellent feedback. :-)
~*~*~*~
The next day at dinner, BestFriend walked me through possible scenarios about getting the bill at the meal. She had me practice covertly reaching for the bill (a napkin) in the middle of conversation, and when he insisted on paying (as she assured me that a true gentleman would), I was to protest lightly ("But I asked you"), but not protest any further if he insisted on paying for his meal or for both of us. (I'm laughing to myself as I write this because I can't believe I'm sharing this! It was silly enough "practicing" in MySchool's cafeteria!)
~*~*~*~
Last night, another of my guy friends and I talked about this situation. Like A, he assured me that CGFC is interested at some level. Otherwise, this friend said, "He would have told you he wasn't looking for a relationship" or something like that. He asked me how I asked out CGFC, and I shared with him exactly what I wrote in here a few days ago. While I was talking, I was playing with one of my scarves from Italy, twisting it and wrapping it around my hands, fidgeting as I relived the nerves from Sunday in my retelling of the story. He laughed at me, and said that CGFC would never be able to resist me if he were to see me acting so adorably. :-)
~*~*~*~
And now that I've gotten all of this silliness and giddiness out of my system by sharing it with friends and by blogging about it, I'm hopeful that I will be my completely normal and sweet self this evening when I see CGFC! Unfortunately, the temperature dropped by HALF this week and it's now quite cold outside ... so I can't wear a cute (modest & conservative, of course) skirt as I had hoped. Hmm ... it IS cold enough that I could wear that scarf. :-)
Three Days/ One Month
Praise the Lord! I survived until today! The three days of classes for this week were not too bad, but I was stressing out about a certain core class exam I had to take last night. (It's my one non-honors class because the honors course didn't fit into my schedule.) We were given a study guide for the multiple-choice 30 questions test (easy format!) and I had gotten an A on the last test, but ... this review sheet looked much more demanding.
I meant to start studying over the weekend (that didn't happen because I went to the opera, the zoo, and a musical on campus), so I meant to start on Monday ~ but one of my guy friends insisted we get coffee from the Starbucks on campus ~ and he treated me! And we had a lovely conversation in the Music School lounge.
Tuesday, I was going to be productive ... but the weather was oh-so-beautiful and WARM! Warm, as in above 70 degrees! (Guess what it is today? 35 degrees. CoolCity, sometimes I hate you.) So I just had to get a smoothie with BestFriend and spend some time with a few friends of ours, in the shade of a tree across from the Music School, savoring the sunshine and philosophizing.
I graduate, "officially," a month from YESTERDAY. My personal "official" graduation is the "unofficial" ceremony the Music School will have ... a month from TODAY. The time is flying by so much faster than I thought it could. It seems that we started out slowly but now we're hurtling at lightning speed to the end. Some might call my lack of focus and motivation "senioritis," which it well may be ... but to me, I'm simply trying to make the most of the time I have left here. After college, am I going to remember what I studied for my core class ... or will I cherish the memories of the quality time spent with amazing people? I haven't completely given up caring about my classes ... my GPA is 3.916 right now ... and I want it to be at least 3.9 when I graduate ... so I'm still putting forth some effort. :-)
So ~ I crammed for the two hours leading up to the test. There were about 4-5 questions for which I wasn't certain that I had the correct answer. I finished the exam in 25 minutes, leaving me with an unexpected 2 and a quarter hours freed up in my schedule! So I went to the library to stock up on some CDs for my driving this weekend (it's about 4 hours from here to the place where I have an audition/interview for a GA position!) and I picked up some DVDs since one of my friends was supposed to stay with me this weekend. (She changed her mind yesterday, but I found out afterwards.) Then over to the Music School where I chatted with some friends there. (Someone else is engaged! Oh my!) Back to my room ... and then ... ended up watching "Life is Beautiful" with a guy friend (my first time seeing it ~ Wow) before hanging out with my girls for a little bit. I am so lucky to have the girls I have for residents ... wonderful young women. :-)
~*~*~*~
When we filled out the date on the core class exam scantron sheet, the kid behind me whispered, "Sweet! It's 4/4 today! Common time! I wonder if [the prof] would get it if I just wrote C (common time) down!"
Ah, musicians. We're a special bunch. :-)
I meant to start studying over the weekend (that didn't happen because I went to the opera, the zoo, and a musical on campus), so I meant to start on Monday ~ but one of my guy friends insisted we get coffee from the Starbucks on campus ~ and he treated me! And we had a lovely conversation in the Music School lounge.
Tuesday, I was going to be productive ... but the weather was oh-so-beautiful and WARM! Warm, as in above 70 degrees! (Guess what it is today? 35 degrees. CoolCity, sometimes I hate you.) So I just had to get a smoothie with BestFriend and spend some time with a few friends of ours, in the shade of a tree across from the Music School, savoring the sunshine and philosophizing.
I graduate, "officially," a month from YESTERDAY. My personal "official" graduation is the "unofficial" ceremony the Music School will have ... a month from TODAY. The time is flying by so much faster than I thought it could. It seems that we started out slowly but now we're hurtling at lightning speed to the end. Some might call my lack of focus and motivation "senioritis," which it well may be ... but to me, I'm simply trying to make the most of the time I have left here. After college, am I going to remember what I studied for my core class ... or will I cherish the memories of the quality time spent with amazing people? I haven't completely given up caring about my classes ... my GPA is 3.916 right now ... and I want it to be at least 3.9 when I graduate ... so I'm still putting forth some effort. :-)
So ~ I crammed for the two hours leading up to the test. There were about 4-5 questions for which I wasn't certain that I had the correct answer. I finished the exam in 25 minutes, leaving me with an unexpected 2 and a quarter hours freed up in my schedule! So I went to the library to stock up on some CDs for my driving this weekend (it's about 4 hours from here to the place where I have an audition/interview for a GA position!) and I picked up some DVDs since one of my friends was supposed to stay with me this weekend. (She changed her mind yesterday, but I found out afterwards.) Then over to the Music School where I chatted with some friends there. (Someone else is engaged! Oh my!) Back to my room ... and then ... ended up watching "Life is Beautiful" with a guy friend (my first time seeing it ~ Wow) before hanging out with my girls for a little bit. I am so lucky to have the girls I have for residents ... wonderful young women. :-)
~*~*~*~
When we filled out the date on the core class exam scantron sheet, the kid behind me whispered, "Sweet! It's 4/4 today! Common time! I wonder if [the prof] would get it if I just wrote C (common time) down!"
Ah, musicians. We're a special bunch. :-)
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Not an April Fools' Joke! :-)
This past week, I went downtown with a friend and I found a great pair of navy blue heels for $15 (classic style, not the points or backless or whatever is supposed to be trendy now)! So today, I had an excuse to wear the navy blue dress suit I've owned for years but haven't worn because I didn't want to pair it with my black shoes. I also wore a Venetian glass clip in my hair and pretty earrings I wore to the Christmas Ball last year. And ... I've just spent the last paragraph describing my outfit to convey how I was dressing for success today ... hoping that CGFC would be back!
He did indeed return today. I had not seen him since BEFORE I left for Spring Break ~ FIVE whole weeks ago. I saw him from afar before the service but didn't even get to make eye contact or say anything, even though he was actually standing on the other side of a large doorway at one point. During the service, I tried especially hard not to think about him so I didn't even glance in his direction at all. I was there to worship and minister, and I didn't want to be distracting myself.
After the service, I went into the fellowship hall and chatted with my "private detective," showing her and her husband pictures from my trip ... and noticing that CGFC was busy talking with others around him. I never had the chance to go over and say hello because we were rushed into an after-service rehearsal on the Holy Week music. It was supposed to only take half an hour, but it felt like FOREVER. I was so anxious to get out of there because I desperately hoped to see CGFC and talk with him ... and ... hopefully talk some more ...
I was rushing to go and I felt frazzled! When we finally finished our last anthem, I was up and getting my things together while the choir director was still talking. I was aware that I was acting distractedly and rushed ... but I couldn't seem to calm down! AltoBuddy offered to give me a ride back to MySchool, and she was ready to go right then. I asked for a moment - mumbling something about either going to the bathroom before pardoning myself to go into the fellowship hall.
Praise the Lord! He was still there! But again, he was occupied (teaching others how to weave the palm leaves into perfect crosses ... another hidden talent of his)! In order to collect my thoughts from the rushed exit from the choir rehearsal before I approached him, I saw the pastor on the way, and I thanked her for the sermon. Just as I finished this short little chat with her, he was free. (Or at least, he'd finished helping the one person with her palm, and he wasn't talking to anyone.)
I greeted him as I approached, and we both smiled. He asked me if I needed a ride back to campus (like the last time I'd seen him). While perhaps I should have said, "Yes, that'd be great, thank you," I thanked him and said that AltoBuddy had offered already, but that I had wanted to talk with him.
"Doyouwanttogooutfordinnersometime?" I briskly blurted out, feeling quite nervous. I think he was a bit confused since my enunciation was not so clear and it was completely sudden and unexpected.
While he paused, I stammered on shyly, "Um ... I've never done this before ..." (I can't make eye contact, and please don't ask me to repeat my initial question. Lord, help me!)
And in that time that I stammered that additional sentence, he had paused and realized what I said. He continued to smile and said, "Yes." (Praise the Lord! Hallelujah! Oh wait, it's still Lent and I'm not supposed to say that word!)
"Forgive me if I can't say this week, because it's Holy Week and I'm rather busy, but I'll be here this weekend. Maybe we could talk on Thursday and figure out a good time?" (Another Praise the Lord! He'll be here this weekend! It won't be another month until I see him again!)
"Sure, that'd be great," I shyly agreed.
"How was your trip?" He continued easily.
"Oh, it was wonderful," I gushed, "and I was hoping to tell you about it!" I knew I needed to get back to AltoBuddy since she was probably starting to get concerned about me.
"Well, I'll see you Thursday," I said, and we both smiled as I left.
*HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* So ... God can take it from here. I do hope that CGFC and I will be able to figure out a time when both of us are free ... and ... I hope I didn't startle him too much with my sudden outburst. :-) But right now, I'm so giddy! It doesn't matter that it's gray and dreary outside or that my pretty daffodils from downtown are wilting and need to be thrown out ... I'm completely giddy!
(The only sad thing is ... Thursday ... when I next see him ... when we can talk about when/where to go ... marks ONE MONTH until I graduate. One month that this can develop until I return to HomeState, not knowing if I'll be able to get a job up here ... But I'm not going to think about that today. I'll think about it tomorrow, like Scarlett O'Hara. Today, I have to sing another service ... and do lots of work ... and fill out job applications ... and get ready for the rest of this week!)
He did indeed return today. I had not seen him since BEFORE I left for Spring Break ~ FIVE whole weeks ago. I saw him from afar before the service but didn't even get to make eye contact or say anything, even though he was actually standing on the other side of a large doorway at one point. During the service, I tried especially hard not to think about him so I didn't even glance in his direction at all. I was there to worship and minister, and I didn't want to be distracting myself.
After the service, I went into the fellowship hall and chatted with my "private detective," showing her and her husband pictures from my trip ... and noticing that CGFC was busy talking with others around him. I never had the chance to go over and say hello because we were rushed into an after-service rehearsal on the Holy Week music. It was supposed to only take half an hour, but it felt like FOREVER. I was so anxious to get out of there because I desperately hoped to see CGFC and talk with him ... and ... hopefully talk some more ...
I was rushing to go and I felt frazzled! When we finally finished our last anthem, I was up and getting my things together while the choir director was still talking. I was aware that I was acting distractedly and rushed ... but I couldn't seem to calm down! AltoBuddy offered to give me a ride back to MySchool, and she was ready to go right then. I asked for a moment - mumbling something about either going to the bathroom before pardoning myself to go into the fellowship hall.
Praise the Lord! He was still there! But again, he was occupied (teaching others how to weave the palm leaves into perfect crosses ... another hidden talent of his)! In order to collect my thoughts from the rushed exit from the choir rehearsal before I approached him, I saw the pastor on the way, and I thanked her for the sermon. Just as I finished this short little chat with her, he was free. (Or at least, he'd finished helping the one person with her palm, and he wasn't talking to anyone.)
I greeted him as I approached, and we both smiled. He asked me if I needed a ride back to campus (like the last time I'd seen him). While perhaps I should have said, "Yes, that'd be great, thank you," I thanked him and said that AltoBuddy had offered already, but that I had wanted to talk with him.
"Doyouwanttogooutfordinnersometime?" I briskly blurted out, feeling quite nervous. I think he was a bit confused since my enunciation was not so clear and it was completely sudden and unexpected.
While he paused, I stammered on shyly, "Um ... I've never done this before ..." (I can't make eye contact, and please don't ask me to repeat my initial question. Lord, help me!)
And in that time that I stammered that additional sentence, he had paused and realized what I said. He continued to smile and said, "Yes." (Praise the Lord! Hallelujah! Oh wait, it's still Lent and I'm not supposed to say that word!)
"Forgive me if I can't say this week, because it's Holy Week and I'm rather busy, but I'll be here this weekend. Maybe we could talk on Thursday and figure out a good time?" (Another Praise the Lord! He'll be here this weekend! It won't be another month until I see him again!)
"Sure, that'd be great," I shyly agreed.
"How was your trip?" He continued easily.
"Oh, it was wonderful," I gushed, "and I was hoping to tell you about it!" I knew I needed to get back to AltoBuddy since she was probably starting to get concerned about me.
"Well, I'll see you Thursday," I said, and we both smiled as I left.
*HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* So ... God can take it from here. I do hope that CGFC and I will be able to figure out a time when both of us are free ... and ... I hope I didn't startle him too much with my sudden outburst. :-) But right now, I'm so giddy! It doesn't matter that it's gray and dreary outside or that my pretty daffodils from downtown are wilting and need to be thrown out ... I'm completely giddy!
(The only sad thing is ... Thursday ... when I next see him ... when we can talk about when/where to go ... marks ONE MONTH until I graduate. One month that this can develop until I return to HomeState, not knowing if I'll be able to get a job up here ... But I'm not going to think about that today. I'll think about it tomorrow, like Scarlett O'Hara. Today, I have to sing another service ... and do lots of work ... and fill out job applications ... and get ready for the rest of this week!)
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